Into the Night (with me)
by Angel-In-Blue-Jeanz
Summary: Set in the summer after Kurt's first year of college. He and Blaine still don't talk to each other and his life is in a blind alley. Some unexpected circumstances will lead Sebastian to Kurt's door step, asking for help. An unpredictable request will bring Kurt and Sebastian closer. None of them could have predicted how much their lives would have been shaken upside-down because
1. TheButterflyEffect

**Into the Night (with me)**

**Author:** Bluejeanzangel

**Discalimer**: I own nothing but the plot

**Paring**: Kurtbastian

* * *

**The Butterfly Effect **

It's funny how slowly can days go by when all you wish for is they come to an end quickly; when you feel out of place and you'd rather run somewhere else – but you have nowhere to go and feel stuck. It's funny how slowly your life seems to be moving when everyone else's is speeding on. And you feel left behind. But what's more funny, is how a simple flap of a butterfly's wings can later on be the cause of a whirling tornado.

It's a windy spring night, halfway through May. Outside is unusually cold, but inside of Kurt it feels as cold as usual. As usual since He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named cheated on him. It's been months but he simply cannot get over their break-up. He knew he has some blame, that he'd been selfish and self absorbed but- Kurt shakes his head. He should stop thinking about it, he really should. But it's easier said than done. How is he supposed to erase _him, them_ from memory and move on?

He can't help but feel lost and cold, as if the best and warmest part of him had been abruptly taken away. Will things ever go back to normal? Will he ever trust someone? Will someone ever love him again? Will he and- Enough said – he scolds. Every day he wakes up asking himself if the next day he'll feel better. He spends the day hoping tomorrow will be _the day, _the day he'll finally have his life back. And every night he falls asleep knowing that the next day will be exactly like the previous one, but that doesn't stop him from hoping. "After all... tomorrow is another day", Scarlett O'Hara used to say. But he keeps wondering why tomorrow can't be _an other day_. Since the spring semester ended and he came back home from NYADA, all of the things he pushed away, all of the thoughts he refused to think just came up all together, overwhelming him. Moreover, having to spend a lot of time alone wasn't helpful at all. His dad and Carole were often to DC, due to his father's duties as congressman; Finn had flown to NY to spend the summer break with Rachel, since she got a part into a broadway show and couldn't afford to leave even just for a day to come home. Santana was away with Brittany, cut out from the entire world (how romantic of them, how he envied them). Sam was working at GAP to save some money for college (in the end he got accepted to Ohio State University). Mercedes was in LA, busy with her record label, Quinn was at Yale and Tina at Brown (and there they'll remain for summer courses) and Artie was still in NY, doing an internship in a video games developing firm. And Kurt? Kurt was stuck, going nowhere, having nowhere to go. Everyone was moving on with their lives, everyone seemed to have a purpose, a direction where to go. Whereas he… he was standing still. Hopelessly stuck, feeling miserable since his life and career seemed to have bumped into a dead end street, and he had no fuel left to put into reverse and go back on track.

His train of thoughts is interrupted by the sound of his dad's car parking in the driveway. Finally, they were home. He precipitates towards the entry, wanting to receive some warm hugs before finally going to bed. He felt tired, not that he had nothing much to do during the day besides thinking, but apparently that was wiring him out. He would have gone to bed earlier, but couldn't fall asleep with the thought of the two of them on their way home; mostly because his father's phone was dead, as usual (too many phone calls for a single man) and Carole had forgotten hers at home. Kurt wears his best smile, hoping that would hide all his worries from his father, and impatiently waits for them to open the door.

The door does open, but the smile on Kurt's face drops almost instantly, substituted to a puzzled expression. And everything that had happened after, Kurt would later on swear he dreamt it. It couldn't have been true. It was everything too surreal to be true. But that's how life is. Surprisingly unexpected.

Carole and Burt did enter, but they were not alone. A boy whose face he could never erase from his mind approached behind them. As they came closer his confusion grew stronger. A clearly shaken Sebastian Smythe had just entered his home, at 11 p.m., with his parents. Carole had an arm around his back, and on his shoulder lay what he instantly recognizes as a woolen ysl scarf, 2002 winter collection. Kurt himself had chosen that scarf as gift for Carole's 50's birthday. It had took him 2 weeks to chose the appropriate brand, pattern and texture (but in the end he partaged the idea with Burt and Finn, who were lacking of ideas, and it became _their_ gift).

Before he could open his mouth to speak, Burt said:

"Kurt, this is Sebastian. Long story short, in the middle of nowhere, somewhere near Wheeling he lost control of his car and hit a tree, nothing too bad", he added as he saw Kurt expression "But the car won't start and his mobile broke. Luckily for him we were passing by that very street and helped him out. We dragged his car behind and tomorrow I'll have a look at it. In the meanwhile could you give him a phone to call someone to pick him up? Mine had died and Carole's"

"Is at home", Kurt cut him. "Here, you can use mine", Kurt said, handing him his mobile. Sebastian took a step forward and grabbed his phone, smiling feebly.

As he moved towards the living room to make a call, Carole approached Kurt and muttered:

"I don't know what was wrong with him, he was standing still in the cold air. You should have seen him, his gaze was icy and empty and his skin so cold. Who knows what had happened. He barely talked to us", Kurt could feel the worry in her tone, as she talked: "We are very tired and should go to bed if we want to wake up tomorrow for work, but would you keep an eye on him? Making him a cup of coffee perhaps? I don't know, just…don't leave him alone", she went on with a stern look on her face. Before Kurt could say anything, Sebastian came back.

"My sister is picking me up, it'll take her some time, though", he announced.

"Stay here as long as you need to, dear. I told you we could have driven you home", Carole commented.

"it's too far away, you've already done enough for me, believe me. Just, my sister will be here in a hour or so"

"That's okay, make yourself at home. Just we're going to get some sleep now…but _Kurt_ here will keep you company", Burt tells him

"Thanks, there was no need to, really"

"Enough said. Goodnight kiddo!", Burt replied.

"Oh and, we'll let you know about the car. Goodnight honeys", Carole intervened. Sebastian smiled and waved them goodnight. Carole kissed goodnight to Kurt, and Burt gave him a quick hug, before heading off to their bedroom. And now he and Sebastian were alone.

From the moment that door opened, till the last remark made by Carole, he had felt… lost. And out of place, like all of a sudden he wasn't in his own home, what he was seeing wasn't really happening and Sebastian Smythe, _Sebastian Smythe, _wasn't really standing there, wrapped in Carole's scarf, conversing with them. The whole situation was surreal, the whole conversation had been surreal. And now he was alone with the Spawn of Satan. In a different context he would have feared for his life, or his clothes at least, but right then he just felt disoriented. And rather uncomfortable.

"Hmm do you want to sit? The sofa is over there", Kurt asked him. Sebastian rose his head and looked him into the eyes. His gaze on him felt like a stab to Kurt. He hadn't truly understood what Carole meant about him earlier, till he saw with his own eyes. Sebastian was looking at Kurt, but he wasn't. His eyes were frozen, emotionless, empty. He was in front of him, but he wasn't really there.

In the end, Sebastian looked away and shrugged, following Kurt as he sighed and hesitantly lead him towards the living room.

They sat in silence, as the awkwardness of the whole situation seemed to grow bigger with every minute passed. In the end, Kurt turned on the TV to find Timm Gunn from Project Runway explaining the challenge of the day to the wanna-be stylists.

Kurt saw Sebastian roll his eyes, but he didn't say a word. Something was definitely wrong. As they sat on the sofa, one on each side (as far away from each other as they could), Kurt took some time to study his figure, slightly lighted by a small lamp. He was wearing a pair of sandy trousers and a short-sleeved light blue shirt. He looked tired and… sad. That simple acknowledgment struck Kurt, and made him realize Sebastian may be more human than he could think. Or at least he could _look_ more human.

"Are you okay?", Kurt asked in the end, but Sebastian didn't answer him.

"Do you want to talk about it?", Kurt kept looking at him expectantly, but Sebastian was ignoring him. "Well, if you wanted to-"

"I wouldn't come to you." Sebastian cut him, sighing angrily and slowly turning his face towards Kurt. "So stop bothering me. Your high pitched voice gives me headache", he added. Kurt snapped his tongue and stood up saying:

"You really are an ass, you know?"

"And you really are an annoying little pageant, you know?" Sebastian replied. Kurt stormed off to the kitchen and pressed his front against a cupboard. -_Stupid conceited brat, _he kept on thinking. He had left the room because he couldn't fight a second more the urge to punch him in the face. And that was not the greatest way to deal with him, with the absurdity of the whole situation. He had to keep calm. Since his new philosophy of life was: "indifference is one's best weapon", he decided the best way to handle Sebastian was to ignore him and his nastiness. So, he made coffee and returned with a steaming cup for Sebastian too.

"Here's yours. You're welcome" he said to a bewildered Sebastian. At least -Kurt thought- he had managed to confuse him enough to shut him up. Sebastian rose his eyebrows and took the coffee without saying a word. After a while, he spoke:

"You are so cliché. Project Runway? I mean, come on!". Kurt shook his head:

"We are not watching porn, if that's what you are suggesting"

"Oh, I wouldn't dare miss the fun, princess" - At least something _was_ normal -Kurt thought- the beaten up version of Sebastian gave him the creeps; at least he could be like his old self if he wanted to. Or _act like his old self, _he found himself observing.

"Oh, stop it!" Kurt replied throwing a pillow to Sebastian, who caught it with a chuckle.

"I apologize for upsetting you, your highness!", Sebastian retorted miming a bow and smirking at Kurt. . Even if his mouth was half smiling – or rather smirking – his eyes were not participating, Kurt noted. As if his brain noted the dissonance too, his smirk slowly became sadder and faded away. Sebastian turned his head away from Kurt, staring intently at the mug in his hands and, all of a sudden, a heavy silence fell on them. Kurt kept staring at Sebastian, while Sebastian kept his gaze on the mug. After a while, Sebastian spoke:

"I'll be fine", and threw his head back against the sofa, closing his eyes.

At that point, Kurt really didn't know what to do. In the time he had spent with Sebastian he had seen at least a dozen shades of his personality, and couldn't help but ask himself what more there was behind him. His nastiness repulsed him, but his personality was after all interesting. -He should have been really tired for letting a thought like that cross his mind. He shook his head, trying to shook his thoughts away too, and imitated Sebastian resting his head on back on the sofa, occasionally sipping from the mug in his hands. They sat like that for a while, in total silence, with the noise of the television in the background. Their vigilance slowly faded, leaving place for tiredness to grow, which slowly lead them in a comfy drowsiness.

Kurt was abruptly awoken by some decise but hushed knocks coming from the front door. He turned towards Sebastian, who wore a look which wasn't unfamiliar to Kurt: he looked as if he had been abruptly thrown into a reality he wanted to escape from. And Kurt knew something about it. Hell if he knew.

Kurt stood up and went to open the front door. A pair of piercing green eyes met him.. They belonged to a beautiful young lady, in her early twenties, stunning in a navy blue gown.

"I'm Willa, Seb's sister. Thank you very much for helping us, I came asap! Where is he?", she asked with a worried face.

"He's in the living-room, I'll show you, come on in", Kurt told her "I'm Kurt, by the way". She smiled back to him. As they reached the living-room he pointed at Sebastian, sat still on the sofa. The expression on Willa's face was a mixture between fondness and worry. She approached the sofa, then bent in front of him and took his hands. They looked at each other and kurt would have paid millions to know what they were saying to each other. He couldn't see Sebastian from where he was standing, but her expression was unreadable. It seemed as if she was looking at something that had been broken, wishing it could be fixed but knowing the chances were thin.

"Let's go", she told him tenderly and helped him get up, putting her arm around his shoulders -as if she could protect him from Kurt-knows-what. It was a very fond scene which warmed Kurt's heart. As they were leaving, Willa thanked Kurt again and then stopped as if she remembered something important.

"May I use them?", she asked pointing at the block of post-its and the pens scattered on the telephone desk.

"Hum sure", replied Kurt -but not that much sure of her intentions. She quickly grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and wrote a telephone number on it.

"Here's, call me when it's ready", she exclaimed. Kurt kept looking at her puzzled. "The car?", she suggested.

"Oh! Yes! Sure! Sorry I… It's late and I", he started apologizing. In the confusion of the whole night he had forgotten the very reason because Sebastian landed in his living-room in the first place.

"It's okay. Goodnight and… thanks, again", Willa cut him.

"My pleasure" he responded politely -actually it hadn't been his pleasure at all.

He waited for them to get into the car and leave before closing the door and leaning against it. -_What had just happened?. _

His tiredness was wearing him, thus with the few energies left he walked upstairs towards his room.

As he later lay in bed, he would have replayed the events of the night over and over again before finally giving in to sleep. It had felt like he was suddenly part of something bigger, an actor thrown in the middle of a show without knowing the script.

Again, that's exactly how life is: a movie without a script. But maybe that's for the best; have you ever wondered what could have happened if you had know what was coming next in your life, if you already knew the direction where to go before even finding yourself at a crossroad?

How many things would have been different if you knew their consequences? But, at the same time, how many unexpected beautiful things you would have missed, how many places you wouldn't have discovered, how many friendships you wouldn't have bumped into, if you hadn't stumbled into the unknown?

Kurt that night did wonder all those things, but found himself to tired to give himself an answer.

Later in time, he would have admitted to himself that the best things in his life came from what at one time seemed to be the worst decisions he could have ever made. After all, "You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true".

* * *

The title, Into the Night, is inspired by the song "All of our stars" (Ed sheer an)

The whole fic was inspired by this song: "Close your eyes" (Michael Bublé)

Willa is played by Willa Holland.

Last quote comes from my favorite TV show of all times: _One Tree Hill, _S5E13.

To look at the links inserted in the fic, check my tumblr account brambleandmoors dot tumblr dot com


	2. Should I stay or Should I go?

**1. SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO**

Kurt was used to mental slap himself for thinking too much over things he should be letting go. However, one thing he wasn't used to was forcing himself to push the thought of Sebastian away. He couldn't help thinking about him, about what the hell had been wrong with him. He wondered if he was okay… in the end his car had hit a tree, and he had been lucky not to be seriously injured but who knew, he could have hidden his pain till he was alone with his sister. Anyway, the incident may not have hurt him, but something else did. What Kurt couldn't erase from his mind was the look on Sebastian face, the stab he felt when he looked at him, as well as the expression Willa wore when she was looking at him.

Kurt had spent the whole weekend trying to push all those memories and worries away, but he really couldn't. At one point he thought he could call Willa with an excuse and ask of Sebastian, so he spent a few hours planning what to say and how to handle things, before finally coming to his senses: he wasn't going to call to check on Sebastian. He wasn't. He wasn't going to spend his energies thinking of him. He wasn't. Or at least he was trying to.

On Sunday morning, he woke up with a revealing thought: As insane as it sounded, he couldn't let go of Sebastian 'till he knew he was okay. Even if he was mean and nasty and conceited and annoying and… _Sebastian_, he was still a person (or at least looked like it) and Kurt was a good soul. He decided to call Willa and be honest with her; he might tell her: "Hi, no the car is not ready I just wanted to know if your brother was okay. You know he looked really upset and shaken the other night" -or he might not, he mentally noted he should use a less lame choice of words.

Before he could think of what to say without sounding like and idiot to her, his father approached him.

"Hey kiddo, I was looking for you. You should call the young boy and tell him the car is ready, whenever he likes he can come and pick it up", he announced, filling himself a glass a water.

"You mean Sebastian?", Kurt asked, before correcting himself "Of course you mean him, sorry I wasn't thinking. I have the number of his sister. I'll call her"

"You're acting weird lately", his father admitted

"I just have a lot on my mind, I'm fine dad"

"You know, I am worried about you. And Carole is too. You spend a lot of time on your own and-"

"Dad, I told you, all my friends are away! Who am I supposed to spend my time with?"

"But that is not the only reason you lock yourself in the room and barely talk to anyone, is it?", Burt asked softly. Kurt did not answer, but looked at his feet instead.

"I know it is hard for you, but you either need to move on or move back, you know what I mean?", he pointed out and Kurt nodded, still staring at his shoes.

"I just want to see you happy, Kurt", he said coming closer to him

"I know that, thanks dad", Kurt finally replied, hugging him. As he lay his head on his dad's shoulder, he whispered "Since he- I'm feeling- I want to see myself happy too. It's just that my whole life seems to be in a dead-end alley and I don't know what to do anymore", Kurt admitted. His father shifted to look at him in the eyes and told him tenderly:

"Now you are here and you have some time to think of your next steps and where you want them to be. But keep in mind that _it does not do to dwell on old memories and forget to live"_

_"_You're sort of mis-quoting me Dumbledore?"

"I'm sort of trying to make you feel better. And I am sorry if I haven't been around much"

"Dad, are you kiddin' me, right? It's your job! You have been working hard for me and for everyone out there! I am proud of you. I am proud of you whenever someone calls you or invites you to a meeting… I won't tell you I wish we could spend more time together because that would be a lie but- I guess what I'm trying to say is that I understand", Kurt rambled. Burt smiled and said:

"Thank you and Kurt, I am proud of you too. Never forget that"

"I will not", Kurt promised him hugging him tighter.

"I should make that phone call, now", Kurt said at last. Burt smiled and let him go.

It had been refreshing talking to his dad. He really missed that, having one-to-one, heart-to-heart conversations with him. His thoughts, though, were interrupted by a female voice:

_"Hello? Is there anyone there?"_

_"Oh yeah sorry hi "_, he suddenly replied to the voice in the phone "_Am I speaking to Willa, Willa…hem… Smythe?"_

_"You found her_", a jolly voice replied "W_hat can I do for you, unknown caller, in this cloudy morning?"_ -he liked her

_"I'm sorry to bother you but I'm Kurt. Kurt Hummel, you know… from the other night. Your brother kinda crashed at my place after my parents-"_

_"Oh yes! Sorry, I didn't recognize you from your voice_", she cut him "_How are you?_"

"_Oh I'm… good, what about you?_" he hesitantly replied. –and how is Sebastian?, he could say that, it was the right moment to say it with nonchalance.

"_I'm great thank you, you were so kind to ask_", –and Sebastian? how is he doing?

_"And S-Listen"_

_"I'm sorry I didn't get what you said"_

_"Hum the car, I was calling you because of the car. you know the car that-"_

_"My brother crashed to a tree, yeah I guessed it was about that one" she replied playfully, and he could have literally picture her winking at him and smiling,_

_"Yes, that one. Hum my father told me the car is ready for you to pick it up"_

_"Oh he fixed her that quickly?"_

_"He's good at what he does"_ –that sounded bad "_not that… anyway, you can come whenever you like_", he finished and heard her chuckle.

_"What about this afternoon? Around 4 or so? Would you be at home if we came?",_ she asked.

_"We?_" -did he really said it out loud?

_"Yes, Seb and I. Or is it-"_

_"Of course! It's fine, it's fine!" , _he cut her_ "I'll tell my dad and we'll wait for you this afternoon. At 4"_

_"Great!"_, she exclaimed. _"See you later and Kurt_", she added.

"_Yes"_

_"He's doing better, if you were asking" –_at that point he could undoubtedly feel his ears getting redder and redder because of the embarrassment he felt.

_"I wasn't! I mean I was but-_", –What was wrong with his mouth and his brain?!. His ears were burning.

_"I'll see you later!"_ she said in a chuckle and hang up on him.

And that is how it ended the most embarrassing phone call of his entire existence.

"You really don't know how to deal with women, do you?", his father told him, popping his head out from the kitchen door and looking at Kurt, who was standing still in the living room. As he shook his head vigorously, Kurt's ears became even redder, if that was possible.

"Just shut up!", Kurt shouted. His father disappeared again in the kitchen and Kurt plunged into the sofa, hoping it could suck him into some fantasy wonderland that wasn't his embarrassing life.

At 4 o'clock sharp the doorbell rang. It was Kurt who opened the door and welcomed Willa and Sebastian in.

"Hi! you're here hmm… wait a second I'll call my dad", he said quickly and hushed upstairs calling his father. A few moments later they both went down.

"Hi, I'm Burt and you must be Willa, Sebastian's sister", he said. Willa smiled and added: "And you must be Kurt's dad, our fabulous mechanic! Nice to meet you".

Burt then turned his head towards Sebastian and said: "And Sebastian, Hi, I hope you are doing…_fine_?", he asked hesitant. Sebastian limited himself to smile and feebly nod. He was standing next to Willa, though a little bit behind –Kurt noticed; as if he wanted to keep his distance –but from what?. Willa looked at her brother with apprehension and then spoke:

"Thank you really much for your help".

"No problem, really", Burt replied. A strange silence fell on them and Willa, in order to quickly change the subject, exclaimed:

"I heard the baby is ready to go!"

"Yeah, the car, sure! It took me a while but now it is like brand-new. Here I'll show you!", he responded. He showed the way towards the car and they quickly followed him outside. Kurt didn't know what do. What was he supposed to do?

In the end, what he referred to as 'curiosity' was biting him so hard he couldn't resist more and so he reached the trio.

There was something in Sebastian that intrigued him. Well not in Sebastian himself, but rather in the whole story that surrounded him –he justified himself.

He spotted them immediately, all gathered next to a marvelous silver ford mustang. At least he had some taste –he thought.

As he came closer to the group, he noticed his dad was gently shaking his head:

"There is no need to, you have already thanked me long enough", he was saying.

"Oh but I insist", Willa was replying him

"Well, I need to be DC again this Tuesday, but-", he added as he saw Kurt "Kurt here I am sure he won't mind some company, Kurt! you should go"

"I should go where?", he replied confused.

"To our pool party! This Tuesday. Around six. Nothing too wild, don't worry… our parents are involved! And you are more than welcomed to come and join us!", Willa announced him, smiling widely. Sebastian expression, though, was a mixture between bother and anger.

"I, I am not sure. And I don't know anybody"

"You know us", Willa pointed out.

"Oh, come one kiddo, remember our talk later? You should go. You'll make new friends. I'm sure", his father said, giving him a meaning full look. He couldn't have refused himself to go even if he had been dying.

Sebastian was looking at him with a face that was screaming: "don't you dare say yes", Willa on the other hand was staring at him expectantly. In the end he sighed and, resigned to his doom, accepted the offer:

"Okay, I'll be there"

"Awesome!", commented Willa joyfully. Sebastian, instead, didn't seem joyful at all.

"So I'll text you the directions! Is yours the number you called me from, isn't it?"

"Oh yeah yeah", Kurt replied distractedly. His attention had been focused on Sebastian who, unexpectedly, had been looking right towards him. The piercing gaze was a family business –Kurt noted. Willa and Burt looked at them and then at each other, probably thinking they knew only half of the whole story.

So they parted and he remained still watching them leave, Sebastian in his Mustang and Willa in her white cabriolet Benteley (appropriate choices, he thought) just after they said their goodbyes to him and Burt. Well, Willa did. Sebastian just waved faintly. He hadn't muttered a word the whole time and this peaked Kurt's interest even more. He was _curious_ to know what was on his mind.

It was not as if he interested him, not at all.

He was curios, and that was all. That was all.

* * *

Title inspired by: "Should I stay or Should I go" , The Clash

Willa's car is a white cabriolet Bentley, continental GT  
Sebastian is driving a grey Ford Mustang, official GT 2015

P.S. I can't insert the links to the images in here, thus if you wish you can check it in my tumblr account (brambleandmoors, post/92428462947/into-the-night-with-me-a-kurtbasian-fan-fiction-1) or LJ (OKAY. by Bluejeanzangel, .com ) and take a look at the story complete with links to images.

Also, I'll try and update asap, probably once a week or so.

As always, your thoughts and opinions and corrections are more than welcomed.


	3. Sympathy for the Devil

**2A. Sympathy for the Devil **

How could I tangle myself in this? –Kurt kept on repeating himself as he rode towards the Smythe's. He had already gotten lost twice and was reconsidering his decisions. He could go back home and send Willa a polite text: 'sorry, couldn't make it, family issues'. Or something like that. –God, he couldn't come back even if he wanted to, he was lost in the middle of nowhere and his GPS was not working anymore. Someone once said: _When you have no idea where to go, keep moving forward_; could such an encouragement quote be useful even to solve geo-location problems?

Also, why did they buy a house in the middle of a reservoir in the first place! The only form of life he had been seeing in miles were trees and birds.

While his head was busy searching for a plausible excuse to give his dad about why he didn't go to the Smythe's party – "I got lost and headed back" didn't seem that good – he actually spotted some signs of life. The hint of a house. As he slowly approached, he could see it was not a house, but a mansion. A huge, majestic mansion.

As he stopped his car in front of it, all he could think of was: "holy shit". He didn't know how much time he spent staring the mansion –estate?– in awe, but in the end he was catapulted into reality by a knock on his car window. He jumped and turned his head towards the window, only to find a smiling Willa motioning him to lower it. As he did so, she greeted him and told him to leave the car in the parking lot which was a little bit further down the road. Willa may have noticed the panic in his facial expression 'cause, without saying much, she nodded and reached the other side of the car, climbing inside

"Com on, I'll guide you. Don't worry, everyone gets lost the first time they come here", she explained him, trying to make him feel better.

"How do you-?"

"Kurt, it's almost 8. You were supposed to be here at 6", she cut him and he blushed a little.

"How did you know I wasn't going to show up?", he asked then.

"You are nice human being, you would have texted me"

"You are good at reading people, aren't you?"

"Besides", she added "I saw the look your father gave you the other day. There was no way you wouldn't have showed up. At least without a _really_ good explanation".

"I'll say that again. You are really good at reading people"

"Of Course I am!", She replied with pride, "I wouldn't be on the road to be lawyer if I wasn't!"

"Oh, so I must beware of what I say before I get sued?"

"Ha, So cliché. But I am not an actual lawyer, not yet at least. I'm in the middle of law school!", she explained him. "Here, do you see that empty spot over there? You can park your car there", she exclaimed, pointing at an empty spot in the private parking lot –right next to a silver SLK Mercedes.

"This place is amazing! Beyond amazing, actually!", he commented as they got down the car.

"Just a little bit isolated here in the middle of the woods but, don't get me wrong, the bumpy road and all is totally worth it". He smiled at Willa and, as he recalled the awful time he had trying to reach the place, he understood why Sebastian didn't want his parents to drive him home that night. They would have gotten lost and disappeared forever.

Also, the fact that someone like Sebastian had been capable of showing so much care about the neighbor… left Kurt pleasingly astonished.

"Don't you fear of, I don't know... serial killers? Wolves?", he said pointing at the woods that confined to the house. At his words Willa started to laugh loudly.

"Don't worry", she said at last "the only wolves here are my brothers and the only serial killer would be me, when they make me angry!".

It was then that a simple realization struck him. They were not living in the middle of a wood. They owned the wood.

"I've never seen anything like this, it's wonderful!", Kurt continued as they approached the front door. "But wait a second, did you say brother_s_?".

"Indeed. Sebastian is the youngest, then there's me and dulcis in fundo Ollie, who's supposed to be the bigger and wiser of all of us"

"Who's the bigger and wiser of us?", a male voice asked. Kurt turned his head to the right to face a beautiful, beautiful young man, probably in his late twenties.

–The Smythes genes were good ones, he observed. Really, _Really_ good ones.

"Not you, big brother!", Willa replied. "Ollie, this is Kurt. Kurt meet Ollie. Possibly the dumbest brother I'll ever have"

"Thank you, Will", he said

"Stop calling me that!", Willa exclaimed annoyed.

"Like what?!", he responded, putting up an innocent face.

"You know", she pointed out crossing her arms around her chest

"I'm sorry, miss Wilhelma Smythe of ball-buster"

"I hate you"

"I know you do"

Kurt thought they could have gone back and forth like that for a while. At least now he knew where Sebastian had learned to play his teasing game. Feeling that would have lasted for ever if no one stopped them, he cleared his throat to remind them he was standing there beside them.

"Oh, sorry. I'm Oliver. Don't listen to her. Everything she said about me is false. Except for the fact I am astonishingly charming. That part is true".

"Have you started memorizing the words in the dictionary again?", Willa teased him. Oliver snapped his tongue and gave her an offended look. A few instants after they started laughing in unison.

"Come on Kurt, let's get this party started", she exclaimed and guided him towards the pool. They didn't come in from the main entrance "I want to show you the scenic path", Willa had explained. The walked past the front and reached the back garden.

Well, the back lake – to be precise. The Smythe's estate was beautifully inserted in a clearing. A lake separated the mansion from the woods. The view was indeed scenic.

From a back door they entered the house and the two siblings led him towards the inner (but outside) pool, located in the heart of the "house".

Sebastian was very lucky. More than Kurt could have expected him to be. –Speaking of which, the place was full of people (thirty? forty? maybe more, it was had to tell) but Sebastian was nowhere to be seen; he looked among the crowd but couldn't spot him.

Willa must have noticed him scanning through the crowd, since she pointed out:

"Sebastian is not here".

"Oh", Kurt said and a strange feeling overwhelmed him. –Was that disappointment? Was he really disappointed that Sebastian was not there? Again, Willa must have noted his inner change of mood –Was he really that an open book to her?

"Sorry, I meant he is not down here."

"Bear with him. He's in a bad mood", Oliver intervened "like all the time". Willa shook him a look and spoke:

"Oh, don't listen to him. He'll come down anytime soon. In the meanwhile, will you have something to drink?".

By then, Kurt was not only feeling uncomfortable, all alone in a huge place where he knew no one, but he was also getting more and more "curious" –or rather intrigued – by Sebastian and his whole life. He couldn't explain why, but he wanted to know more. It may be because of the beaten down version of him he had seen the previous week, or because of the aloof of mystery surrounding him. He didn't know. What he knew, though, was the stingy feeling he had felt in his guts since he had discovered he was not there, exacerbated by the fact he was not in the mood to be there. What was that supposed to mean? And, mostly, why did he care?

The quickest and simpler explanation he could come up with was that he had wanted to see him, because needed to see he was okay. As for a few days ago, when he woke up and realized he couldn't let the thought of him go 'till he was sure he was okay, it was no different this time.

He thought that he was going to let him be, only if he saw with his own eyes that was he was okay and that he had imagined it all: the pain and the emptiness he had seen in his eyes –would he ever forget his gaze on him of that night?

Yes, that was the simpler explanation he could think of. But also the only one bearing less complications to his life.

He admitted wanting to see the Spawn of Satan, but it was for a good cause: to clear his conscience, or something like that. And the disappointment he had felt was due to the fact that he had missed chance to find out he was okay and, thus, finally free his head from his annoying presence.

Yeah, his feelings were totally messing with his brain.

"Earth to Kurt… Are you with us?", Willa was saying. –God, he should stop overthinking.

"Yeah, sorry, I… wasn't paying attention"

"Okay", she said softly, looking at him as if she wanted to read his thoughts.

"What were you saying?"

"I was asking you if you wanted something to drink. Ollie here makes the best cocktails in the whole State of Ohio"

"Well, I wouldn't miss the chance!", he replied and followed them towards the open bar. Without the annoying presence of the only person he actually knew for more than a few days, he was feeling more out of place than ever, surrounded by all these wealthy people, all part of an élite Kurt could never be part of. He suddenly felt like an intruder, a stranger to anyone, in every possible way since there wasn't a thing he and all these people could share. What was he going to talk about with Willa, or Oliver or anyone? About his college life at NYADA, his knowledge of cars due to his father's mechanical?

Willa was nice and Oliver was fun but, there was nothing he actually partaged with these rich élite kids which lived so far away from him; and he was not talking only of the physical distance, but rather of the "spiritual" one. They grew up and lived in different planets and there was no bridge that could possibly cut that distance.

He suddenly felt as if he was lacking air and excused himself to the restroom.

Willa wasted no time catching up with him

"Feeling a little out of place?", she questioned and he looked at her bewildered. "I am very good at reading people, remember?". He limited himself to smile.

"Just needed some… I don't know… I know nobody and I panicked"

"It's okay. I understand the feeling, more than you you'd think. I know less than 1/3 of the people in here", she admitted sympathetically. "Do you even know where the restroom is?", she asked, changing the topic.

"No idea"

"Come on, I'll show you and Kurt", she added "Don't let your overthinking prevent you from having a good time…"

"Thanks for the advice…I'll do my best to avoid that"

"Oh that was quick! I didn't think you'd agree with me that easily! I tell this to Seb all the time but he hardly listens to me. He usually tells me off", she admitted with a smile, but a sad look in her eyes that didn't escape Kurt.

"So, tell me about you…", she said as she opened the front door of the mansion.

As they entered, Kurt couldn't concentrate enough on the answer she was expecting from him.

If Kurt thought that the exterior of the house was the most amazing thing he had ever seen, he had clearly been mistaken. He should have waited to see the inside. There was this magnificent hall that led towards this huge lounge, dominated by a double grand staircase, that faced the entrance. Kurt was so captured by the place that his brain stopped functioning properly. He walked with his nose up and, resisting no more, he exclaimed:

"Oh my god. Is that a crystal chandelier? Oh my gosh and that is a piano over there!". Willa laughed. "Well, it actually is a decorative piano… the one we use… well, _Sebastian_ uses, is in the private living room".

"You have a decorative piano"

"Yes"

"And a private living room"

"Indeed. Well, actually that would be the formal one"

"I don't follow"

"Well, it's an etiquette thing… I don't know… but there is a living room for formal, private events. Which is that one over there, with the piano", she said pointing at a beautiful, warm room on their left.  . 

"The one we just crossed, instead, it was the main one", Willa explained, but Kurt kept looking at her confused.

"You know, the one you use when you host a party in the inside or have important dinners with I don't know Senators or businessmen or investors"

"Okay. But FYI, normal people don't usually host parties with Head of States", he commented sarcastically.

"Oh really?", Willa joked. "Anyway, there's also the private _private_ living room… which is where we hang out really.", she concluded.

"I'm really confused"

"We are too. We are just good at faking it", she winked. "Which is why we just hang out in here", she said as they set foot in a cozy open space, where a beautiful homey kitchen faced an even more homey and cozy living room.

"This place is… I don't know… WOW!", Kurt exclaimed, too overwhelmed by the beauty of the place to think of good manners. Then somewhat he could shake some sense in his brain

"Oh my god, I'm being inappropriate, aren't I? I am sorry I am rambling since we got in here and I didn't mean to-"

"Hey! What did I tell you about overthinking?"

"You're right… just… I'm not used to all of this, which is another reason why I felt-"

"Out of place"

"Yes", he answered honestly.

"It had happened to anyone here, at some point", she told him with a smile and then said: "You know I… _we_ are actually from NY. Hell, we've been newyorkers for generations. Born and raised in the big apple, all of us! so, here in the middle of Ohio, in the middle of the woods… it gets… we… I feel out of place all the time", she admitted softly.

"I am sorry I… don't want to sound prying but, why did you move here in the first place, can't you move back to the big city? Or somewhere like that?", he asked and Willa smiled sadly, sitting on the armrest of the big black sofa. Kurt was standing in front of her, giving his back to a living-room cabinet, stuffed with framed pictures.

"There is no other place like New York", Willa said at last. Then, she sighed and went on "You know, when you love someone and he is not okay you… you are willing to do anything to make him feel better. It's what one does when they care about a person, they make the toughest decisions for his own good… even if it means letting go of something important, even if it means sacrifice… you don't give up on the one you love"

"no", Kurt agreed softly. He totally got the point. –He just wished Blaine had a better hold of that saying. He wished Blaine hadn't given up on him… But, deep down, he knew _he_ had given up on them too.

But she wasn't talking about Blaine, she was talking about her family. In the end, she wasn't much more lost than Kurt in that big house, in that little city, in the middle of the woods in a closed-minded State.

It must have been rough for someone who had grown up in New York and that had always been used to living in a certain environment, in a certain dynamism and open-mindedness, just being thrown in Lima, Ohio. That could have explained why Sebastian was so obnoxious –He was probably feeling lost, lonely and may be also as if no one could possibly get him, Kurt speculated. He and this people had more in common than what he'd thought at a first glance. Still… What had happened that made some wealthy rooted newyorkers move to dull Lima, in the middle of death-boring Ohio, Kurt couldn't possible figure it out. But, with this piece of information, the whole thing he had about Sebastian and his life had just reached another level of interest.

"So here we are", Willa said lastly to him "It's a big change and we cannot go back but, you know what I think? _Sometimes change is good, sometimes change is everything_… and yes, I am not used to this kind of life and I often feel out of place myself and I may not like it here and I may not know anyone but-", her train of thoughts was interrupted by a bunch of screaming kids –aged between 9 to 11, according to Kurt– that barged in running through the private private living room. One of them bumped into Kurt and made him lose his balance and fall backwards towards the cabinet. As he hit it, one of the frames fell and its glass broke into million pieces.

"You Okay?", Willa exclaimed as they kids left.

"Yes, Damned it! I'm so sorry I didn't mean to break anything"

"Don't worry Kurt, it just matters that you're okay! Those kids be damned! Stupid little-"

Kurt didn't hear the rest of the rambling since he precipitated himself to clean the mess and contain the damages, if that could be possible. Willa must have noticed that, because she urged to say:

"Kurt! We have housemaids for that, leave it there, you may cut yourself!", she exclaimed, bending herself to stop Kurt from trying to clean up that mess. Kurt was holding the broken frame in his hands. The damage was irreparable, but the picture (Of the Smythe's siblings smiling bright at the camera) was fine.

"Here, the frame is gone but the picture is-", he stopped in the middle of the sentence because something caught his attention. Behind the picture of the three of them, there was another one. This hidden picture showed a much younger, much happier Sebastian, laughing hardly as he looked with side eyes at another another boy –blonde, tousled hair, crooked grin– who was instead trying to hold a serious face –but failing at it completely. Sebastian had one arm across the other boy's shoulder and God, he looked so blissful and carefree.

Kurt raised his questioning gaze to meet Willa's, who was intently staring at the picture too. Her whole body was tensed and remained motionless for a while. Then she gently took the pictures from Kurt's hands and stood up. She kept on staring at the hidden polaroid with a look that was saying 1.000 words –Kurt just wished to know which ones.

A few minutes passed, then she slowly turned her back to Kurt, put the pictures on a shelf of the cabinet (having care of placing the picture of Sebastian and the young boy behind the other one) and, after a sigh, she turned again to face Kurt who was staring at her questioningly.

He wanted to ask a million questions, but none of them sounded appropriate. Thus, he said nothing. In the room an uncomfortable silence had fallen.

...

Kurt didn't know then, but to Willa it was more than a frame that had crashed. It was Willa's whole world that had crashed.

_The frame could be seen as a metaphor: it doesn't matter how far you run from your shadow, how much effort you put in hiding what you'd like to forget, because in the end it will all get back to you; and the unbreakable castle you built to feel safe, where everything's great and bright, will be teared down, revealing itself to be made of unsteady, fragile glass._

_You can't run from your own shadow –you just have to learn to deal with it._

* * *

The title of the chapter is inspired by this song: _**Sympathy for the devil**,_ _The Clash_ watch?v=vBecM3CQVD8

I imagined the Smythe's estate to be somewhere along Red Bank Road, in the Hoover reservoir, outside Westerville (OH). It would be isolated, by a lake and confining to a wood.

Also, my vision of the Smythe's mansion is truly captured by the **Tranquility mansion,** Lake Tahoe.

Oliver "Ollie" Smythe is played by **_Jared Leto_**. In his younger, facial hair-less, short-haired version.

The boy in the photo is portrayed by** _Ansel Elgort_**.

I recommend you to go on my tumblr (brambleandmoors . tumblr. com post/92911472752/into-the-night-with-me-2a-update) or Live Journal (author: Bluejeanzangel) and take a look at this chapter and all the images within. I promise it's worth it, especially if you want to have a mental view of the scenarios and backgrounds as I develop the fic. I don't know why but I can't past the links in here. If someone knows how to do that, I would be grateful if s/he told me.

I want to thank you all for the support, the reviews and the follows. I really appreciate that. English is not my mother tongue and I do my best to revise the chapters as I write them. However, there will always be something I'll miss. I am sorry for any mistakes, feel free to signal them to me so that I can correct them!

Finally, this quote always inspired me a lot, and is also somewhat related to this fic and this particular chapter, so I want to share it with you:

_Change; we don't like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying. But here's the truth: Sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is… everything. _

Grey's Anatomy, S4E1.


	4. Sympathy for the Devil, II

**Sympathy for the Devil 2B.**

Kurt had become insufferable to that long silence. Mostly because he had no idea of what was happening. Since he had found _the-picture-behind-the-picture_, the joyful spirit of Willa seemed to have darkened. And Kurt wanted to say something, anything to bring that joy back but he didn't know what. In the end, he opted for the awkward comment about the weather –as if his whole existence wasn't already the epitome of awkwardness.

"It's hot today, isn't it. It seems summer already. Oh, there is no more middle season!", he commented, sounding like an old granny in a BBC soap opera.

Willa smiled faintly at his –rather lame– attempt to cheer her up and slowly reached Kurt. She sat on the armchair of the sofa, sighed, and then she finally spoke:

"Kurt, you seem like a good person, you know? And I am rarely mistaken. But you know that too", Kurt limited to gently smile –Where was she getting at?

She went on, speaking slowly and softly, with the voice full of concern "I… May I ask you something?", he nodded.

"I know there's bad blood in the water between the two of you and Sebastian is… well, _Sebastian. _And I know he is hard to deal with but… things didn't use to be like this. _He_ didn't use to be like this. He is a good guy, he really is, it's just that… he lost his _sun, _Kurt, and he lost himself too. And after last night's events, the _incident _and everything, I fear… you've seen him that night… it's just that he is so lonely and… you are such a nice person to have put up with him for so long. He talked to me about you, you know…? So I was wondering will you… will you be gentle to him? I know that sounds crazy but, if you could try and be kind to him… it has not to be written in blood or anything and well, I know you owe him or me nothing but if you… I don't know, if you… I know it's silly to ask but-"

"yes", he said by instinct, with a feeble voice, and she gave him a surprised, but relieved look.

"I don't want to force you into anything just-"

"yes", he repeated, this time more steadily. She sighed, and Kurt could tell it wasn't only air what she was letting go. It was as if a heavy burden had flown away was well. She put a hand on his shoulder and whispered "thank you". Kurt noticed how her body, once tensed and rigid, had finally relaxed.

Kurt didn't know why he agreed. The words had come out of his mouth before being filtered by his own brain. But as soon as he spoke, he knew he had said the right thing. –Because he is a good person, and this is what good people do: they help others. Even if they can't stand them. His brain may have cursed his guts for having taken control, but on the other side his guts felt surprisingly good.

In the end, she wasn't asking for much just_: try and be kind to Sebastian_. Easier said than done, considering the subject. In any other situation it wouldn't have cost him much to be kind to someone who had some stuff going on in his life but… that wasn't _any_ other situation. It was about Sebastian.

Sebastian the Spawn of the Devil.

Willa mentioned he had "_lost his sun_"… but he had no idea what she meant by that. May it be that he lost the sparkle in his life, the sight of where he was going?

She also mentioned fearing for him, and having seen by himself how empty Sebastian looked the other night, he could clearly tell he hadn't been the only one haunted by Sebastian's sharp, piercing look.

"Can we keep this between you and me? Seb doesn't like it when I worry too much about him"

"Sure", Kurt answered. There was no way he could talk to Sebastian about what Willa said to him, and at the same time avoid an embarrassing and awkward conversation.

"So hum, you said you needed the restroom, didn't you?", she said suddenly. Kurt actually didn't need the restroom, and he sensed Willa knew that; but he also sensed that she was trying to shift from that topic and move on. So, he replied:

"Oh yeah, sure", and tried hard to be attentive as she explained him where to go and turn from where they were.

"I'll stay here and make sure they clean this mess"

"Okay"

"And Kurt", she called him. Kurt, who was walking towards the way she had pointed him, stopped and turned his head

"Thank you". He didn't reply to that, just nodded and proceeded straight.

He managed not to get lost in his way to the bathroom –which matched exactly the majesty of the whole mansion, by the way, Kurt thought. And he could use the little time he had for himself to think rationally of what had happened. The kids, the broken glasses, the picture-behind-the-picture, Willa's stern look and then the promise _"Will you be gentle to him?". _

His first instinct made him say _yes_ without a second thought, and deep down he knew it was the right decision. He just didn't know where it would have lead him.

As he came back to the _private private_ living room, he noticed a cheerful Willa sat on the sofa, laughing at something her older brother, who was sitting next to her, had just told her. At a second glance, he spotted none-the-less than Sebastian Smythe, standing with his back against the same cabinet Kurt had been leant on, before the kids came in and everything changed.

Since no one had noticed him, he took a few moments to observe him. He was the same Sebastian of always but, somewhat, he wasn't. He was looking at him under a different light, now.

The car accident and then the picture accident had changed something in the way he looked at him, in the opinion he had made himself of him. Willa just confirmed what he had sensed: there was something broken in Sebastian –but the 1 billion question was: what?

He surely looked better than the other day – Kurt noted.

His skin was no more pale, but slightly tanned. He was wearing some sandy trousers and a striped T-shirt. His hair were tousled and his eyes… had just met his.

In that moment he realized in the whole time they've known each other, Sebastian had directly looked him into the eyes only twice. The first time was that night. And the second was happening right then. Just as the other night, he felt his heart sink under his gaze. It wasn't as glacial as then, but he felt trespassed by it, nonetheless.

Willa must have noticed Sebastian's steady gaze, so she followed it 'till she spotted Kurt.

"Hey, you! Come over!", she exclaimed. There was no sign of worry or stress in her anymore. She either was temperamental or she was a really good actress. And something told Kurt it wasn't the first option.

"What, you need a back up?", Ollie retorted. "Kurt come here, Will here can't handle some genuine teasing", Willa snapped her tongue and gestured Kurt to come over.

"Will you stop calling me Will!"

"Oh you can't make me!"

"Would you bet on it?!"

Willa and Ollie were going back and forth and Sebastian just rolling his eyes at them. As he reached the trio, the first thing he did was try and catch Sebastian's gaze, but he failed at it since the boy was deliberately ignoring him –Which was confusing Kurt even more: First he stares deeply at him, and then he avoids him like plague. Something was definitely wrong with that kid, he thought, and in every possible meaning.

"I would"

"You are impossible"

Willa and Ollie's teasing game was interrupted by a red-head that popped from the french door at their left

"Hei guys, they sent me to look for you… and somewhat I knew I'd have found you in here! Dinner's ready"

"Oh thanks aunt Phyllis, we're coming right away!", Willa told her and stood up, but not before having pinched Ollie's arm

"Ouch!"

_"_Serves you right!", she said to him as she was opening the french door. Ollie rolled his eyes and followed her outside. Kurt and Sebastian were left alone. A strange tension rose between the two of them and Kurt really wanted to say something to break the ice. He preferred Sebastian in his teasing mood, rather than the quiet one.

That was because he knew how to deal with annoying Sebastian, but not with that softer version of him.

Kurt opened his mouth to speak, but Sebastian chose that moment to finally move towards the door. He put his hand on the door knob and, as he opened the door, he addressed him annoyed:

"Ain't you coming?".

Those were the very first words he had said to Kurt since the night of the car accident.

Last time they spoke, he had last told him: "_I'll be fine_". Now Kurt wondered if he really was fine. He took some quick steps towards the door and followed him outside.

As they were both walking silently towards the pool, with Willa and Ollie just a few steps ahead, Kurt exploited the occasion to ask the question that was floating in his mind for days:

"So, hem… how have you been?". Sebastian shook him a deathly look.

"What do you care, princess?", Kurt looked at him with a shocked expression and Sebastian went on:

"I don't like you. I can't stand you and if my sister felt pitiful enough to invite your sore ass to my house, this doesn't allow you to talk to me because, as I said, I don't like you"

He had been worried about him for _days_ and _those_ were the first words he had said to him.

Kurt wanted to slap him.

But he made a promise no longer than 5 minutes before and he wasn't going to break it already. He wasn't going to give Sebastian satisfaction because he had gotten at him.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking", he replied smilingly. Sebastian, who was probably expecting another kind of reply, was taken aback.

"Kurt! Seb! Come over and join us!". Willa's shouting and waving interrupted their 'conversation'.

Sebastian sighed heavily and shook his head, looking side eyes at Kurt. They quickly reached the small table where Willa and Ollie were seated: it was already full of any kind of food that could be barbecued.

"Oh, this looks good!", Kurt exclaimed

"I can assure you it looks more good than it tastes!", Ollie teased him

"He didn't do it again, did he?", Sebastian intervened

"Oh no, God no!", Willa cried out "Mom was there to stop him"

"He limited himself to instruct poor Joe", Ollie confirmed

"Who's Joe?"

"Oh God Sebastian where are you living?"

"Unfortunately with the two of you!", he retorted, taking finally a seat. Kurt, that had been watching the whole scene amused, imitated him. Willa was suddenly remembered he was there too and, in order to make him feel at ease, quickly filled his gaps –he really liked her; How come that an ass like Sebastian was related to such a sweet, caring lady?

"Oh, sorry Kurt. Long story short: Dad likes barbecues but he is unable even to cook an egg, which is why we have a cook for that", she paused and looked at Seb "_Joe_". Sebastian pulled some annoyed faces and Willa went on: "Anyway, he is really stubborn and last time we had a pool party like this he wanted to handle the barbecue by himself and it was a mess… no wait saying it was a mess is an understatement." Ollie and Sebastian chuckled softly. Ollie continued:

"There was fire and people screaming"

"the firemen lost in the woods"

"Aunt Phyllis locked in the basement", Sebastian intervened

"People intoxicated"

"Hair on fire", Ollie added

"You mean wigs", Willa said and everyone laughed

"The stink of burnt didn't left the house for weeks", she concluded. And her brothers had tears in their eyes because of all the laughs.

They ate their dinner laughing and teasing each other with Willa that, whenever possible, tried to fill Kurt in with the general background of their conversations.

Sebastian never said a word to Kurt, but watching him interact with his siblings was… _different_.

_He_ was different but, at the same time, his old self –in a softer version, though.

As dessert was served, a beautiful woman, in her mid-forties, approached them

"So, how are we doing?", she asked

"Hey mum!", Ollie exclaimed gnawing a mouthful of bread and chewing it loudly. Both Willa and her mother shook him a disgusted look. Sebastian instead was looking at him with a diverted look. The lady snapped her tongue –a gesture that reminded Kurt of Willa's same habit– and sighed, but deliberately ignored her son.

"You must be Kurt. I am Adele, the mother of this three ones"

"Nice to meet you, Madam"

"I hope you are having a good time, despite being among these pests"

"Hey!", they replied in chorus. She chuckled softly –reminding him of Sebastian, this time.

"I am glad you joined us today, I really wanted to personally thank you and your family for the help you gave us"

"Oh but really, there was no need for, Willa here had thanked my dad enough for years to come!", he replied and Adele chuckled softly again.

"I am glad at least one of my children remembers good manners once in a while", she said giving a little slap on Ollie's scruff.

"Mum!", he cried.

"I hope you didn't have much trouble getting here", she said, ignoring Oliver.

"Well"

"You got lost"

"Yes", Kurt admitted embarrassed, but Adele told him gently, in a resigned voice:

"Everyone gets lost the first time they come over"

"That's what I told him", Willa said loudly, nodding her head.

"Yeah", Kurt said "I got lost and at some point I was in denial and thought: I am not lost, I am getting lost on purpose" everyone chuckled and he went on: "And then the poem from the Jungle book came to my mind, you know the one that says _I will remember what I was,_ _I am sick of rope and chains…"_

_"_I have no knowledge of that", Adele said and looked as Sebastian as if she was expecting him to say something –which he didn't.

_"_I couldn't remember how it goes on, I never do. And I didn't want to disappear in he woods and never know how it ends. That's because I lost the book a while ago and apparently no one online has bothered to post this poem online. But I feel confident someday I'll find the book or someone that knows it_", he explained._

"I am sure you will", Adele told him, still exchanging with Sebastian some confused but meaningful looks.

"Adele!", Someone called her and she suddenly excused herself, but not before telling Kurt to feel free to come over whenever he wanted "There's plenty of room anyway", she last told him before reaching the red-haired woman that was calling her name –which Kurt recognized as aunt Phyllis.

Willa and Ollie were both looking at Sebastian as if they were expecting something from him. However, he shrugged and looked away. Kurt wished he was able to understand what they were saying to each other. Willa shifted the conversation on some funny story about their crazy aunt Phyllis but Kurt, even if he was looking at Willa faking some interest, his mind was focused, once again, on Sebastian.

At one point Kurt had the feeling of being observed. He turned around to catch Sebastian's heavy gaze on him. Their eyes met for a few instants and... Kurt knew it was silly, still... he felt as if Sebastian had been looking at him differently. It was just a feeling –and a rather stupid one– that something had shifted in him.

But what?

"Oh No!", Oliver exclaimed out of the blue

"What?", Willa said worried.

"Look at that!", he said pointing somewhere among the crowd. Everyone looked in the direction he was indicating. A few instants later both Sebastian and Willa shook their heads making a disgusted face: "Oh".

"Shoud we go saving him?", Ollie asked.

"Mmm probably not", Sebastian said

"Has he ever been _sandwitch-ized_?", Willa asked. There was a hint of divertissement in her tone.

"Could someone please explain me?", Kurt said at last, tired of not having a clue of whatever they were saying. Oddly enough, it was Sebastian who shifted his attention to Kurt:

"Over there, can you see the two red heads by the pool?"

"Where? I can't see anyone! There are like forty people by the pool!", he affirmed frustrated. He hated not being able to follow them.

"Look, can you see that group of men talking by the pool"

"Sebastian it's full of men talking, you're not helping", Kurt replied sarcastically

"Come on! The ones looking silly in their suit trousers and shirts", he said and Kurt immediately spotted the group. They were indeed looking funny.

"Okay"

"My father is the one with the stupid hawaiian shirt", he continued.

"It's a terrible match"

"I know but that's not the point"

"I once made the shirt disappear but he made Joe buy him another on the internet! _On The Internet_!", Willa cried out, but Sebastian hushed her

"Okay so behind him there's a boy and two red heads, can you see them now?"

"Okay"

"Well, Kurt meet our evil Ohio cousins, the _sandwich _twins. And the one in the middle is Brayden, our cousin too, which is now being brutally _sandwitchized"_

"Sandwich what?"

"_Sandwitchized_!", Sebastian repeated with a soft chuckle

"I coined that word", Ollie said proudly

"Hey! It was a cooperative work!", Willa intervened

"I still don't get it", Kurt said

"Just avoid being alone with the two of them", Sebastian commented

"I still don't understand the sandwich part"

"It can't be explained in words. Just wait and-", Sebastian didn't finish his sentence since the twins had taken action. They had crowded the poor Brayden in a corner and, well, _sandiwitchized _him_. _Everyone was diverted and disgusted at the same time.

"Yuck", Willa said at last

"That's… gross", he managed to say "do they know he is their cousin?"

"Indeed", Oliver announced

"That's the grosser part", Sebastian told him

"Awww Yuck… but I mean… they, they…", Kurt couldn't go on

"Are used to doing this?", Ollie finished and Kurt nodded

"Hell yes!", they replied in chorus

"Somewhat I wish I hadn't enquired about that", Kurt said and everyone started laughing.

Kurt was amused by the trio and their interactions. Watching _Sebastian_ among them _was amusing._

They spent the rest of the evening laughing and telling funny anecdotes about their family members. Time flew and as the sun started to set, Kurt was abruptly shaken from the torpidity of that moments.

"Oh shit! It's getting really late I must get going!"

"You could say here if you want", Willa proposed, but Kurt shook his head

"I have to go home. But thanks for the invite and the good time"

"Anytime", Willa replied and smiled at him –he really really liked her. And he should stop repeating himself.

"Nice to meet you, Oliver"

"My pleasure"

–he was supposed to say something to Sebastian now, wasn't he? He quickly chose to remain polite but vague:

"I'll be seeing you", he told him and, waving goodbye, left the trio hurrying to his car.

It had previously took him 4 hours –two more than necessary– to reach the place and it was already 10 p.m. Which meant that he would be driving at night, possibly getting lost and arriving home at 2 a.m. If he was lucky.

He was about to climb into the car when he heard someone calling his name. He turned around and faced Sebastian, walking briskly towards him.

"Did I forgot something?", was the first thing Kurt asked him when they were one in front of the other. Sebastian limited himself to smile and then, out of the blue, he spoke these very words:

_"__I will remember what I was, I am sick of rope and chains_

_I will remember my old strength and all my forest affairs._

_I will not sell my back to man for a bundle of sugar-cane:  
I will go out to my own kind, and the wood-folk in their lairs._

_I will go out until the day, until the morning break -_

_Out to the wind's untainted kiss, the water's clean caress;_

_I will forget my ankle-ring and snap my picket stake._

_I will revisit my lost love and playmates masterless" _

Kurt looked at him in shock. –Had he just?

"This is how it goes on….", he then said and to a still speechless Kurt.

"You know, the poem from the Jungle book". Silence. "_Toomai of the Elephants"_

"Yes, Sebastian I got it", he managed to say at last. Still confused.

"I thought you would want to know before getting lost forever" Kurt was silent, then he asked:

"What I don't understand is why _you_ would want to tell it to me. And why now". Sebastian smirked.

"Goodnight Kurt", he simply said. Then, nonchalantly, he turned and left.

Kurt watched him go, more confused than ever.

"Oh and Kurt", he said all of a sudden, turning his head to look at him:

"When you get at the crossroad, turn _right_, not left"

"Is this a mind game? Are you tellin me to go right knowing I'll go left?", Sebastian shrugged. Then, he smirked and left a puzzled Kurt there.

"You're an ass!", Kurt shouted back –he was being nice after all, he could have picked a worse insult among the long list of awful names that could be associated with him.

Sebastian, though, didn't seem to care and kept walking. He had almost disappeared from his view when Kurt shouted him:

"How do I know I can trust you?", only then Sebastian turned around and, before disappearing from Kurt's sight, replied matter-of-factly:

"You don't"

_..._

_Just when we think we figured things out, the universe throws us a curveball. So, we have to improvise. We find happiness in unexpected places. We find ourselves back to the things that matter the most. The universe is funny that way. Sometimes it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong. _

* * *

Sebastian's mother, Adele Reynaud, is played by: Francesca Cavallin

Sebastian's father, Robert Oliver Smythe, is played by Gregg Henry

The poem mentioned is **_Toomai of the Elephants_**and you can find it in _The Jungle Book_ by Rudyard Kipling.

About the part of Kurt not finding it anywhere, I largely exploited my artistic license ;).

I am having so much fun writing of the Smythe's siblings and I hope you have as much fan reading of them as I have writing their dialogues. (–does this make sense?:) Anyway, I truly appreciate your support, it means the world to me!

Also, I love inserting quotes in or out the fic, because they are really inspirational to me and they are an important part of my writing, too. That is because in a bunch words they capture the deep meaning of what I am trying to convey –using thousands of ones, instead.

The last one comes from Grey's Anatomy S7E20.

So, this is the end of this huge chapter. It was important for the set up of the whole story and, from the next one one… kurtbastian on ;)

So bear with me, and stay tuned.

BlueJeansAngel


	5. Wake me up When it's all over

**3. Wake me Up When it's all Over**

"Wake me up when this summer ends" had been the leitmotiv of Kurt's life ever since May faded away and June lead its way in.

Technically it wasn't summer yet, but it was typical of the month of June that Kurt could already feel summer with all his senses: in the sweet fruit he tasted, in the loud laughs he heard of the teenagers talking about their plans, in the hot wind that touched his skin, in the buzzing of the people he saw rushing everywhere, eager to lose themselves in the summer rhythm. But, mostly, he could perceive the typical smell of summer anywhere he went: a smell of anticipation. An anticipation that fills the air and accompanies every sunrise and every sunset.

It was his favorite time of the year. Not summer, just June.

He loved June, or at least he used to.

That year, he wasn't properly in the mood. While everyone was happier and more laid-back than usual, he just wanted to disappear 'till it was over, and walking around sad and gloomy was justified by the approaching fall.

He had plunged into a spiral of self-deprecation and solitude since he had arrived in Ohio. The only distraction that conceded him a brief escape, had been the night he spent at the Smythe's. Once in a while, he still thought of Sebastian and Willa and the picture-behind-the-picture and the car accident and –much to his own dismay– the sandwich twins.

But he hadn't heard of Willa nor of Sebastian since that day. Not that he expected them to call him to catch up or something, but he kind of expected something from Sebastian. –Even if it took him a week to admit that.

It had been all so enigmatic. He had been so enigmatic!

"_This is how it goes on…"_

_"You know, the poem from the Jungle book._ _Toomai of the Elephants"_

_"I thought you would want to know"_

_"Goodnight Kurt"_

_"Oh and Kurt"_

_"When you get at the crossroad, turn right, not left"_

_._

_"__How do I know I can trust you?"_

_"__You don't"_

Kurt had been replaying that scene over and over again in his head. But he couldn't find a possible explantation to the question: what was on Sebastian's mind?

And then there was the story of the-picture-behind-the-picture, and Willa's weird speech and then _the promise. _It was safe to say those thoughts had kept his mind busy for a while.

If someone had told him that he would have spent his favorite time of the year brooding over Sebastian, he would have thought that someone was crazy.

Now, he started thinking maybe _he_ was the crazy one.

Anyway, clearly Sebastian felt he didn't owe Kurt an explanation because of his weird attitude. Kurt hadn't heard of him since that night, since he last suggested him the way to go and that he could trust him, but it was up to Kurt.

What stung the most wasn't that he hadn't heard of Sebastian, but that_ he was upset about it._

He hadn't heard of Willa neither and, since he had nothing much to do, for a while he had spent a considerable part of his time wondering about them, about what brought them to Ohio, wondering what they might be doing in that huge house, so far away from their life and their friends in the big apple.

Anyway, since there was no way to solve the mystery, the curiosity that for weeks had kept his mind busy with speculations, slowly faded away. From one day to another, he simply stopped thinking about Sebastian and the boy in the picture and that great mansion by the lake where all the mystery hid.

His life went back to the usual routine and he didn't even take notice of that. Until an ordinary afternoon of June, one short text message brought all the memories back to his mind.

06/06/13 02:44 p.m.

**Willa Smythe**: Meet me at Lima Bean at 5. It's important

…

Kurt stared at that message for 10 generous minutes, maybe more – in which different scenarios played in his head – before typing back just 5 words: "I'll see you there".

He wanted to bombard her with questions but refrained from doing that. If she had been that cryptical by message it meant she would have answered his questions only in person.

–Why everything regarding this family has to be so cryptical?, Kurt asked to himself.

He didn't know what to answer, but there surely was a more important question he feared himself to ask, because he didn't _want_ to answer.

"Why do _I_ care?"

Curious. He was goddamned curios. That would have been the justification he gave to his behavior after everything that happened as soon as he reached the Lima Bean and a familiar face stepped into the place.

He had been quivering all the way to Lima Bean. Hell, he had been quivering since he got that text but, being at home with his dad, he couldn't let those feelings leak. He didn't want to add an extra dose of worry to his father's mind. So he told him he was meeting Sam for a catch up and tried his best to mask his agitation.

He tried, but failed miserly, considering his father even asked him if he wasn't secretly meeting with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He shook his head and insisted he was meeting Sam. His father didn't look convinced, but didn't enquire further.

That was the reason why he had been seated at his usual spot in Lima Bean since half past four. His boredom was growing next to his anxiety.

It was 5 to 5 and Willa hadn't arrived yet. What if she hadn't read his message? –he started wondering. After all she never answered him.

Kurt stared at his cell phone, unaware of the surrounding and thinking if it would be better to give her a call (too intimate, they barely knew each other… but they had shared something intimate, or sort of, and that allowed him to call her. But he hadn't heard of her in the meanwhile so maybe they're little moment, or whatever it was, wasn't that meaningful – "I should really stop overthinking", he mentally noted) or text her (but what if sh-).

He didn't have time to sieve the possibility to send Willa a text message because his train of thoughts was interrupted by a familiar face, standing right beside him.

"Hey Kurt". Kurt jumped and, as soon as he looked up, he tensed up.

"Sebastian", he said stiffly. Sebastian took a seat in the chair in front of Kurt, who wasted no time barking at him: "What are you doing?"

"I'm sitting, isn't it obvious even for an hairy spay damaged brain like yours?", he said as he put his briefcase on a chair and on sat on another. –_Same_ old, same old Sebastian, Kurt kept repeating to himself. Also, he started thinking that the softer version of him, it didn't existed but in his mind. He had made up a different, maybe even _likable_, version of Sebastian. But it was all in his head.

"You can't seat here"

"Why not?"

"You can't. I am expecting someone"

"Oh are you? Listen, let me break this for you: you're a boy, not a girl. And boy's don't get pregnant", Kurt looked at him with wide eyes and, before he could reply, Sebastian gave him a satisfied smirk and went on: "You're welcome".

At that point, Kurt was sure his mind had disguised him, making him believe there could be something good in that boy. Although Willa's voice kept telling Kurt: _"will you be gentle to him?_", his brain was furiously rambling in search of the appropriate insult to address him. In the end, he opted for a much politer:

"What do you want from me?"

"I need you to do me a favor"

"_You_", Kurt paused "Need _me_", pause "to do _you_ a _favor_"

"Yep", Sebastian confirmed

"You are nuts".

"Willa wants you to have dinner with us tomorrow". Sebastian blurted

"Okay. And she sent you to tell me that?", Kurt asked perplexed

"Not exactly".

"Sebastian"

"She wanted me to tell you"

"She could have texted me, if she wanted to invite me over. I don't buy it". Sebastian passed his hand among his hair.

"By the way, she's going to be here anytime soon, so I invite you to leave now, before I start being rude to you"

"Kurt"

"I'm not going to please your pervert mind and do you a favor, so if you-"

"Kurt"

"I don't know what you want from me, but your excuse is pathetic and I don't know what's behind all this", he said pointing at them "and honestly I don't want to listen to the truth either, so"

"Damned it! Kurt!", Sebastian cried loudly. Kurt stopped to look at him

"Would you stop talking for a second and listen to me?". Kurt opened his arms resigned. Sebastian took his gesture as an assent and went on:

"Willa asked me to invite you to have dinner with us, tomorrow. And there was no chance I could make up an excuse this time for you not to come, so I had to"

"Sebastian I don't get your point and I'll meet Willa in a few time anyway. Actually she should have been here already but maybe, _maybe_, your ego is filling the room so much she can't walk in", Kurt blurted frustrated. Sebastian looked at him dismayed, then spoke:

"Kurt, don't you get it? I am your rendezvous! God, all that gel must have deep fried your brains". It was Kurt's turn to be dismayed. The cryptical message, the brisk tone, the lack of reply… it all made sense then.

"I'm sorry what?"

"I sent you that message"

"You"

"Yes"

"But why?"

"It's what I'm trying to explain but you don't let me finish!"

"Because you upset me!", he exclaimed frustrated. Sebastian grunted.

"Could you let me talk?"

"Okay… But first let me do a little recap: you last spoke to me that day in the parking lot, after having being mean to me, and you told me those weird things. Then you ignored me for what, a month? Then you woke up today and texted me with your sister's number, lured me here, insulted me and my hair, and now you are telling me you did it all to ask _me_ to do _you_ a favor. And you want me to seat here calmly while you, between an insult and another, explain it all to me" he said slowly, keeping a skeptical look the whole time. Sebastian, clearly uncomfortable, sighed:

"It's not as bad as it sounds"

"It is exactly as bad as it sounds", Kurt retorted sharlply. He was pissed at his behavior, but mostly he was pissed because he couldn't get him.

Sebastian sighed:

"Okay, Okay, what do you want me to say? That I am sorry? I am sorry".

Kurt kept looking at him skeptical. Willa's words echoing in his head:

_"__I know he is hard to deal with but… things didn't use to be like this. He didn't use to be like this." _

_Things didn't use to be like this. He didn't use to be like this_.

Somewhere deep down maybe that person still existed inside of him. Somewhere, buried among all that crap, there was something good in him. A glimmer of which, from time to time reemerged –and Kurt thought of him in the parking lot, sharing with him the verses of the poem he knew by heart.

Or, more probably, it was Kurt who persisted in searching the good in everyone, the explanation behind any word said and behavior shown.

'He is mean', didn't satisfy him completely as explanation. He wanted to know _why_ he was so mean. So weird. So enigmatic. So... _Sebastian._

This is what he was thinking when he told Sebastian he conceded him 5 minutes of his precious time to explain. Everyone should be given at least the chance to explain themselves.

And because of that he would have hated himself for his good samaritan spirit.

But in that moment he really thought that no one is lost cause_._

"5 minutes. Not a second more and not a second less. Explain"

"Willa wants you have dinner with us"

"You said that before, so?"

"She wants you there as you are my friend"

"I am not your friend"

"I know"

"Listen you are upsetting me and your time is almost over. Be quick".

"She thinks we are friends, that is why she wanted me to invite you over", he said calmly "And I need you to come over and pretend to be my friend".

"Just for one night", he added quickly, noticing the look on Kurt's face.

"Once she finally sees you, she'll get over our 'friendship' and find something else to focus on. FYI she is such a pain in the ass about you. Honestly, I don't know why, but she likes you", he continued. To say kurt was appalled, it was an understatement.

"Why would she think you and me are friends", was the only thing Kurt managed to say. He spoke calmly, but inside he was raging.

"Because I told her so", Sebastian admitted. Since Kurt kept looking at him expecting a better explanation, he went on:

"She thinks we are hanging out… since the pool party more or less". Kurt was silent, his expression unreadable.

"She liked you and she was always telling me how I should befriend people like you and… I ended up telling her we were hanging out. And now she obliged me to invite you over". Silence.

"This is why I texted you". Silence

"So… will you help me?". Silence

"I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important", he insisted

"Important to who? To you?", Kurt cried sharply, finally breaking the silence.

"I need your help just for a night, will you do me this damned favor and help me out?"

Kurt stood in silence, then looked at his watch and said:

"Your 5 minutes have passed a while ago".

"Kurt", Sebastian started, but he cut him off exclaiming:

"No!",

"No!", he continued and, in a rush of words, finally lashed out: "You're an arrogant brat and you've always been mean to me and my friends and my- then out of the blue you barge into my house, into my life! And you make me worry that a prick like you may have a heart, but then you don't talk to me for days! And out of the blue you tell me a stupid poem I spent _years_ trying to search, and you hint me the direction where to go and then… you disappear again! And I am seeing you _today_ after… I don't know, a month? maybe less but- you brought me here with a trick, you kept on insulting me the whole time and now… now you want me to pretend to be your friend in front of your sister for whatever reason! No, Sebastian, I can't help you! I can't fake to be your friend because I don't like you, and I can't even pretend I do! You are a despicable person and if in this time I thought somewhere deep down your crap there was something good well, I had clearly been mistaken. And _FYI,_ I wouldn't pretend to be your friend even if you paid me! And this is what you get to be the awful person you are to anyone who crosses your way". He was breathing heavily and feeling as if a burden had been lifted from his stomach.

Only then he looked up. Sebastian's jaw was tensed and those two sapphires he had nestled on his face were staring sharply in his direction. When their eyes met, once again, _once again_, they made Kurt feel as if being stabbed in a room with no air.

In the end Sebastian looked away, took his bag and left.

Only then, that a familiar voice spoke some now familiar words in Kurt's head:_ will you be gentle to him? will you be gentle to him? will you be gentle to him?_

Sebastian was an ass, that was sure, but Kurt didn't have to take his repressed anger and stress on him.

–His high-principled nature was trying to make him feel guilty. And was succeeding.

_Will you be gentle to him?_

_–_Crap.

"Sebastian wait", he called, but the boy was already stepping outside. Kurt sighed and followed him. In order to make him stop he had to grab his arm.

"What? Did you forget to add something else? You don't like me and you don't want to help me. I get it, there is no need for you to add anything else"

"No, there is. Because you need to think of what you say and what you do because it has consequences, whether you like it or not"

"Okay. Are we done now? Is there something else you want from me?", Sebastian asked coldly.

"I want to help you". Kurt said hurriedly, fearing he would have changed his mind if he hadn't said it out loud quickly.

"Listen you-"

"I am a decent human being. And I like your sister. I am going to help you. But not because I like you and, for the record, you don't owe me anything."

"I don't want your help, just go and we'll pretend this conversation never happened", he said hastily.

"What time?", Kurt insisted

"Kurt. Leave"

"_What._ _time_." Sebastian didn't answer and Kurt sighed and added: "I have your sister's phone number, I'll find out anyway."

"seven"

"I'll meet you there"

"If it's not because of me, why are you doing this?", he asked softly.

Kurt didn't say much for a while. He was trying to answer that question for himself, too.

In the end, he convinced himself of what was the right answer to give, that indeed managed to put a genuine smile on Sebastian's face, before he headed off.

"_No one is a lost cause_".

* * *

Title inspired by "Wake me up", sung by Lea Michele.

For those of you who wondered if Sebastian told Kurt to turn right because he meant so, or because he knew would have done the opposite thing well… I am not going to answer that.

It's up to you.

Can Sebastian be trusted? Did _Kurt_ trust him?

As in life, you choose what to believe in.

Bluejeanzangel


	6. I do, but I don't

**4. I do but I don't**

It was 10 past seven. Not bad. He managed to reach the Smythe's mansion without too much trouble. Sebastian's previous hint revealed itself to be helpful –Thank god that night Kurt followed his instinct, otherwise he would have gotten lost for ever.

He stopped the engine in front of the house and sighed, waiting to find the courage to get down and knock. –What was on his mind when he accepted his stupid proposal?! He didn't care a thing about Sebastian, he was just a little curious. A curious good samaritan that had to give a hand to anyone who requested his help. Even if that person was a despicable 'human' being and deserved nothing but slaps.

He didn't care about Sebastian, or the piercing way he looked at him, or the way his heart sunk every time the sapphire-green of his eyes met the ocean-blue of his, or the weird way he acted, or the mysteries hidden between the walls of that huge house in the middle of nothing. He didn't.

He overreacted when they were at Lima Bean and felt compelled to make up for that. But he didn't care about Sebastian's, _Sebastian's, _feelings.

His guilt trip had totally nailed him.

He spent the best majority of his time repeating himself that; as if the more he said it, the more he believed in it.

He sighed and slowly got off his car. He reached the front french doors feeling like a dead-men walking.

He wanted to bail on him ever since he was left by himself to think over what had happened, after Sebastian went away and even the image of the small smile he managed to get out of him faded away.

He wanted to bail on him. But he didn't even have his number to warn him. And since he considerd himself a decent human being, he didn't want to cause a scene because he was supposed to show up and he didn't, without warning 'his friend', at least to Willa's eyes. For the same reason he couldn't even text Willa. What would he write? 'hey, I am not coming. I am telling this to you because I don't have Sebastian's number. Oh yeah I know it is weird that we are friends and I don't have his number. But he is a dick so, you know…'. Probably not the best idea.

So he came anyway, knocked and waited for someone to open the door to let him in.

_He didn't know then that those words would become the new leitmotiv of his summer._

A pale and clearly agitated Sebastian opened the door.

"Where were you?!"

"Hello to you too. And don't look at me like that, I'm not that late and it's not my fault you live in the middle of nowhere"

"I thought you bailed on me!"

"It's not my fault you are a dick either. But you forget I, on the contrary, am not."

Sebastian sighed.

"Are you letting me in or should I go back to my car and leave". Sebastian's eyes opened wide

"You wouldn't. Would you?", he asked, a note of exasperation in his voice.

Kurt looked him truce and sighed.

"We are not all pieces of shit. And I am talking in favor of all other human beings out there'. Kurt shoved him lightly with his shoulder and came in.

Once he stepped inside, once again he felt overwhelmed by the majesty of the place. That didn't last much since a bright voice distracted him.

"Kuurt!".

It belonged to Willa, who was approaching him with quick steps. She hugged him tightly.

"I'm so glad you're finally here! I threatened Sebastian to come and get you by myself, if he didn't make you came here!"

"I'm so glad to see you again!", she went on, without giving Kurt the time to say 'A'

"I know you are busy with that gown fitting thing you do, but come on! I haven't seen you in a month?!". Kurt looked her as if she was talking aramaic.

"Yeah I told her about your part-time _job_"

"_My _part-time _job_?"

"I have to say it sounded so weird to me when Seb first told me. I mean, who would want a boy to try on feminine gowns to see if they fit? But then he explained and, you know, I've seen people do weirder thing for less respectable scopes so". Kurt tried to hide his shock and his contempt.

"Poor lady, imagine being so insane to see him as the daughter she could never have. It's so sweet for you to let her believe you are her daughter and try out the clothes she sews for you! Honestly, I have no idea how could she possibly think that of you". Sebastian said calmly. Willa kept nodding. Kurt wanted to kill him.

"Yeah so kind of me to help _her_", he said stressing the last word. Sebastian chuckled.

"But", Willa interjected "you should tell the people of that retirement house you can't be available anytime she freaks out because she wants to see her 'daughter' and have _her_... sorry, _you_ try the gowns she's made".

"I think they know quite well", he replied, looking meaningfully at Sebastian "Things are going to change soon".

"I am sure they will", Sebastian replied, clearly diverted by the whole situation.

"Oh but I am a terrible host, let's get out of here. Kurt, would you like a drink?", Willa asked

"Oh is Oliver going to prepare them? Someone told me he is the best at it". Kurt said joyfully but realized right away that he'd said something inappropriate since Willa's wide smile froze.

She looked hesitant at Sebastian.

"He not here, isn't he?", he said. It sounded like question, but it seemed more like a resigned seek for confirmation.

Willa grit her lips. The looked at each other briefly, but intensely. Willa shrugged apologetically and focused her attention back to Kurt.

"No unfortunately he is not here, you'll have to settle with me. Anyway", Willa said to Kurt, bringing his arm under hers –a gesture rich of confidence, as if they were two old friends who did this all the time– and leading him towards the private living room, the piano one.

"You have to give me your new number"

"My-"

"Sebastian refused to give it to me, you know? He said I would have bothered you, pff!", she said loudly, with an accused tone directed towards her brother

"You are a burden to anyone"

"I am not". Then she turned to Kurt: "He is an ass and says a lot of bullshit. But you probably already know that. Don't believe him. It's all lies". –Kurt was reminded of the day he met Willa and Oliver, who said something similar. He also remembered the cabinet, the picture-behind-the-picture, _will you be gentle to him?_, Sebastian's harshness when they spoke and his genuine smile before he recited the poem. And what about Oliver now? Why mentioning him had been a wrong choice of words? Why did they look that way?

There was an intricate puzzle around that family and he was determined to work it out. Once again his overthinking had overwhelmed him, so he put his speculations aside and shifted his attention to Willa again

"…have some magenta nail polish!", she was saying

"Pardon?", he asked politely

"I was trying to put Sebastian in your shoes! I mean, what if it was you who dropped the nail polish on your phone?!"

"First I am not clumsy, and on top of all I don't paint my nails. I mean it's not my fault this one here is so clumsy", Sebastian replied trying hard not to laugh. He was pointing at Kurt's direction. Kurt, who had no idea what they were talking about, limited himself to shift his head from Willa to Sebastian, who went on:

"Yeah, don't make that face, I am talking about you!"

"I am not clumsy"

"And how did that bottle of polish dropped on your phone, hmm? Let's listen", he mocked him. Kurt connected the dots and felt the urge to slap the hell out of him.

"If you didn't push me I wouldn't have dropped it".

"You pushed him!", Willa pinched him

"I didn't push him! I tried to knock some sense out of his brain! He was going to paint his toes magenta!

"What's wrong about magenta?", Kurt said instinctively

"You mean what's wrong about painting your nails?!", Sebastian commented in a teasing tone. He was sneering and Kurt was sure if he was then left alone with him, he would have hurt him badly.

Between the gym and the proteins his body was well shaped, he was not the fragile kid he once was.

Since they were friends, at least according to Willa, Kurt pushed aside the wish to punch him and knock some good manner in him and opted to throw him a deathly look instead.

At that point Sebastian burst out laughing.

The sound of his weird, but genuine laugh, diluted his resentment with some fondness. He had to admit the boy was imaginative, after all.

"I am going to make those drinks, wait me here", Willa exclaimed, leaving them alone.

Sebastian's laugh was now softer. Kurt thought he never saw him laugh – like genuinely laugh, not mockingly laugh. He was supposed to hate him. But he was funny when he laughed. Still an asshole, but funny.

"Why again have I consented to this", Kurt thought out loud.

"My irresistible charm?", Sebastian offered

"I am thinking more of my pity for charitable cases"

"You wish"

"It's just for one night, right", Kurt commented exasperated.

"Hopefully"

"Whaaaa?!"

A loud sound of glass breaking filled their ears, distracting them from their conversation.

"Willa?", Sebastian called

"Everything's fine!", she shouted back, coming in with three wine-flutes in one hand and a bottle of sparkling wine in the other.

"One of these", she lifted the hand with the glasses "slipped me and broke. They're from mom's favorite set. Ups"

"She won't even notice one is missing", Sebastian told her, taking from her the three glasses and the wine. Willa gestured Kurt to sit on the sofa with her, while Sebastian opened the bottle.

"So, your new number?", she asked again, reaching out to grab her phone from a coffee table at her left.

"Oh! Ehm…", he started doubtful. "It's… it's always the same actually". Willa gave him a confused look, before moving her head toward Sebastian:

"Why did you tell me he changed his phone number?", she accused him.

"I.. I got it the other day, actually. First I had a new one because my old SIM Card was too damaged, but I needed it back and I had to threaten the AT&T guys 'till they made it possible!", Kurt made up quickly to help Sebastian. He gave him a quick, thankful look before handing them two glasses of wine.

He then poured some wine in his and sat on an armchair in front of them.

"That's good news!", Willa exclaimed

"Yeah, I have finally my whole phone book back, I feared I had lost all the numbers"

"One more reason to celebrate today", Willa rose her flute "But for now we drink to Seb, congratulation boo". Sebastian smiled and, to Kurt's own surprise, blushed a little as he rose his flute to toast. Kurt wasn't understanding anything. He imitated the two of them nevertheless. They all drank a sip and, after a few moments, Willa broke the silence:

"So Kurt, Seb told me you go to NYADA! Tell me about it! I want to hear it all!"

Since Kurt knew Willa's fondness for the big apple, he shared with her some of the Broadway adventures he had with Rachel, his self-centred best friend and now Broadway star. Willa listened to him carefully, and as he was describing the places he preferred of the city, she often closed her eyes, as if she could be in NY just picturing in her mind the scenes Kurt described.

Sebastian, on the other hand, seemed detached and unimpressed, but didn't say a word.

"And so I ended up performing peter pan in this retirement house!", he finished. With the corner of his eye he noted Sebastian opened his mouth to say something –he had restrained to give his sarcastic comments for far too long, Kurt observed. However, his comeback was nipped in the bud:

"Dinner's ready", a short, vietnamite lady in her early forties announced.

"Thanks Mathilde, we're coming"

"Why did you called the help? There was no need to!"

"Oh shut up! It's just for today!", Willa retorted and then explained to Kurt: "This one here doesn't like having people around. Staff people I mean. No wait, people in general", she teased him.

"There was no need call Mathilde and ask Joe to cook us dinner, we could have ordered in!"

"Shut up", Willa silenced him, taking a seat. Kurt sat next to her, after taking a second or two to admire the beautiful dining room, where the evening light was filtered by a wall of full-sized windows, facing the lake.

"It's just the three of us", Sebastian told Mathilde sharply as he stepped into the dining room. Willa gave her an apologetically look as she apologized and took the silverware and the extra seat away.

"I didn't even make the great table set! Eating in here is the least I could concede you!"

"You have- Never mind", Kurt didn't finish his sentence, silenced by the greatness of their wealth.

As dinner was served things went smoothly; Sebastian acted weirdly and didn't talk too much, while Willa filled every silence with her shrill voice. She described Kurt her life at law school and shared with him some funny stories that happened to her crazy-as-hell, control-maniac, study-centered roommate, Paris.

Before serving dessert, Mathilde came in with a bottle of sparkling wine and filled their glasses.

Willa rose hers: "To Sebastian". Kurt did the same and Sebastian blushed –this time more lividly.

Kurt still wasn't understanding a thing. –If tonight was an important event Sebastian would have mentioned it the other day, wouldn't he? Was it possible that he told him nothing to make him feel confused and out of place?

Yeah, it was.

"We now have a paramedic in the family!", Kurt, who was sipping his wine, coughed: "What?", the words had slipped out of his mouth.

Willa gave him an appalled look and Sebastian kicked him under the table.

"He didn't tell you?"

"Of course I told him!"

"You are incorrigible!"

"You are making a fuss out of it! To me it's not big deal!"

"And what is to you, let's hear it! You could at least appreciate the effort I put in for you!", she accused him.

"Come on it's not like that… you know I do", Sebastian said softly. Willa crossed her arms and snapped her tongue

"Helma", he called, and this nickname pulled a little smile out of her face.

"Hey, I am sorry I got confused, but I thought your final exam wasn't due 'till next month!", Kurt interjected on the spot. "Why didn't you tell me you had it the other day? I could have sent you a good luck text" –saved by the skin of his teeth, he thought. He agreed to be his fake friend for the night, he couldn't let their cover be screwed up.

"Yeah I", Sebastian started, scratching the hair of his scruff "I didn't think I'd pass it so… I din't tell you and then I did and I thought I'd surprise you tonight"

"Aw, that's so sweet of you, Seb! But How could you think you wouldn't pass it!", Willa's tone changed drastically, forgetting why she sulked over him in the first place.

"You never know", he said in a low voice

"Shut up"

"I wanted to tell you today but there never was a good moment so… surprise"

"I am so proud of you", Willa intervened

"_We_ are", Kurt said. He had to. To Willa's eyes they were friends.

"Thanks", he said, blushing lightly again and rubbing his hair. Kurt thought when he would have stopped surprising him.

_Surely not that night._

"So you start tomorrow?"

"Well, I'm a volunteer, they call me when they'll need me"

"Okay, anyway I can't go tomorrow to the child reading"

"Child reading?", Kurt intervened. He was eager to know what they were talking about. Being with the Smythe's most of the times meant watching their lives go by from the outside.

"Haven't you ever heard of child reading? It's a project run by volunteers that is meant bring help to the children who are hospitalized. The one organized at the Wyandot Hospital aims at keeping company to the kids hospitalized in the oncology ward by reading to them, or just hanging out", Willa explained.

"Oh! Right! Sorry, I didn't connect! I've always always wanted to do something like that"

"Well, you can", Willa told him matter-of-factly "Sebastian can take you".

"He can take my place", she said towards a clearly uncomfortable Sebastian. Kurt was as uncomfortable as Sebastian. What was he supposed to say?

Also, he couldn't picture Sebastian doing something like that, he was probably lying on how he spent his free time. But Willa said 'you can take my place'. –That cannot be real, can it?, Kurt wondered. In the meantime Sebastian was handling the whole situation

"Yeah, sure… why not?". His tone wasn't that convincing, though

"Yeah,_ why not?_", Willa questioned, sensing his hesitancy, hiding the real question between the lines.

"It'd be great to come with you, I should have asked you sooner, actually!", Kurt intervened to save Sebastian from some inconvenient questions. Again. That asshole owned him that much.

"So it's set! Do you want to sleep here so you don't have to go all the way back to Lima?", Willa asked politely

"Oh no no", He rushed "I'm fine driving. Thanks for the offer, though"

"The Hospital is actually closer to Lima than Westerville", Sebastian commented.

"Which one again?"

"Wyandot. I'll meet you at the front desk at 9"

"p.m.?", Kurt asked doubtfully.

"a.m."

"Oh, okay... I should finish the dessert and get going then"

"The offer is stil on the table, Kurt", Willa said

"It's okay Willa, thanks. And thanks for the dinner it was fantastic"

"You should thank Joe, not her". Sebastian remarked and Willa sighed:

"Will you ever get over this?"

"Probably not".

As said, Kurt finished the dessert (some italian tiramisu which Kurt tasted for the first time and loved it so much he asked Willa to ask Joe the recipe) and said his good-byes to Willa.

His 'friend' Sebastian escorted him to the hall. As they reached the door, he stopped in front of Kurt and gave him one of his long, piercing looks; one of those that made his entire body quiver and his lungs struggle for air. He didn't know why that happened to him, maybe because of the intensity of his emerald gaze, maybe because he was good at alluring people.

Maybe because Kurt should see a really good shrink.

"So, see you tomorrow", he announced

"I think the time has come for us to exchange our phone numbers", Kurt said in a low voice

"Are you asking me out?", Sebastian sneered. Kurt rolled his eyes.

"I already have yours". His so-called friend admitted in a whisper. Kurt looked at him questioningly "Willa?", Sebastian offered. Kurt nodded.

"I still need yours", he whispered, spotting Willa near the grand staircase.

"I'll send you a message later".

"So, should we hug us good-night or something to prove our friendship?"

"She's spying on us, isn't she?"

"Totally", Kurt said waving at Willa, who quickly tried to hide her head behind a large column.

"God, she's such a school girl some times!"

"Do you think she suspects something?", Kurt whispered

"I don't know. But your stupid unasked questions surely didn't help to keep the game!", he muttered sharply

"Hey! Don't take it on me! Why didn't you tell me we were celebrating your exam?! What was I supposed to do?"

"Keep your mouth shut!", he muttered gritting his teeth

"I saved your sorry ass tonight, so _you_ should shut up and thank me". Kurt replied angrily.

Their angry whispers where giving him a headache.

"And what about the story of me wearing women's clothes and painting my nails?!", he gave him a little push on his chest and looked him surly.

"I had to make up something to avoid Willa texting you and asking questions about why you were not here often", he justified himself cockily.

"You're an ass"

"A rather charming one"

"And after tonight here I thought you may hide a decent human being inside"

Sebastian smiled to that.

"Good bye Kurt", he said opening the door but standing in the way. As Kurt passed by, he whispered to his ear:

"I can make something up, you don't have to come tomorrow if you don't want to".

"I do... even if I don't". Kurt told him sincerely, in a barely audiblewhisper. Sebastian quickly smiled, then nodded and stepped away from the door.

They exchanged one last, meaning full look and then Kurt left.

Several hours later, when Kurt lay awake in his bed, thinking of everything that happened at the Smythe's, everything he found out about Sebastian, the screen of his i-Phone lighted.

**555 911 911**

_Thank you _

* * *

Title of Chapter: _I do But I don't_, Tom McGraw.

To take a look at my idea of the living room, take a look at this chapter w/ links, in my tumblr account brambleandmoors dot tumblr dot com (If you haven't seen the links to images in the prevues chapters, –especially Sympathy for the devil A– scroll the page and look for the updates of this ff)

I totally made up the number so that it wouldn't exist.

I imagined Willa's roommate to be Paris Gellar from Gilmore Girls ;) –If you haven't seen the tv show, you totally should!

Also, again I am using my artistic license for the paramedic stuff, hope you don't mind ;)

For the record, the child reading is a real thing, even if not actually at Wyandot Hospital. Go check on the internet if you are interested!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the support, I am writing this for you, not for me :)

Stay Tuned,

BlueJeanzAngel


	7. Somebody that I used to know

**warning:** it's a little angsty this one.

* * *

**5. Somebody that I used to know**

"I didn't think you'd show up", a low voice behind Kurt's back spoke. He turned around to face Sebastian, simply dressed in a pair of sandy cargo and a blue superman tee. A blue backpack hung from his shoulder.

"Me neither"

"Come on lady boy, let's go", Kurt sighed at the nickname and followed him.

"A superman fan, huh?"

"Shut up". His words were sharp but his features were soft. "We're heading to the 4th floor"

"Okay", he said simply. None of them said a word 'till they were in front of the oncology ward entrance.

"Don't talk, don't move, don't do anything just watch and mostly try _not_ to be you"

"May I breathe, sir?" –How such a jackass might be a hospital volunteer was far beyond Kurt's comprehension.

Sebastian didn't answer, just pushed the doors and entered.

"Do they pay you to do this? Seriously, do you get extra-credits? Because there's no way someone like you can volunteer here without having something in return", Sebastian looked at him side eyes but didn't answer

"No, I'm serving my community service hours", Sebastian spoke at last

"I knew it!"

Sebastian glared at him

"Noo! God, I was being sarcastic"

"Sure", Kurt said only half believing him.

"We're going to see Kayle first, he's 7 and obsessed with the Jungle book lately. I've been re-reading this book for… I lost count", Sebastian explained in front of a blu painted door

"What am I supposed to do?" Kurt interrupted him

"Haven't you heard me? Nothing"

"So what, I stand still and motionless?"

"If you can"

"You're a dick". Sebastian ignored him and opened the door.

"Hey there buddy!", he greeted a short, brown haired kid with freckles.

"Who's that guy?", the kid asked promptly

"He's Kurt, Kurt say hi to Kayle"

"Hi Kayle"

"Why is he standing by the door?", Sebastian turned his head towards Kurt, standing still in front of the door. Kurt noticed he closed his eyes and sighed lightly.

"Today we're going to do something fun. This one", he said pointing at Kurt, who started panicking since he didn't know where he was getting at "he's going to help me read the dialogues! Just like a real acting! yay!", Sebastian cheered, faking a great excitement. Kayle smiled.

–What game was he playing at?, Kurt thought.

"You can stand by the door, if you wish, but I'm sure it'll stand by itself without your help, what do you think Kay?". Kayle laughed.

Kurt reached Sebastian, who was seated cross legged on the big bed in front of Kayle. Sebastian shifted a little to leave Kurt some space. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched Sebastian interact with the kid as if he was his older brother. At some point Sebastian grabbed a book from his backpack and opened it.

"Were where we?"

"You don't remember", the kid crossed his arms.

"I do. I wanna know if you know", Sebastian replied cheeky.

"There was Jurgis and they were talking about socialism", the boy puffed.

"Socialism? What…?", Kurt looked bewildered at the two of them, grabbing the book from Sebastian's hands.

"That's not okay for a 5 year-old", he hissed

"I'm 7 and I can hear you"

"He's 7", Sebastian confirmed. "What? Am I supposed to read him some child adapted book? "

"They're boring and stupid"

"They're boring and stupid", Sebastian repeated. "I am nourishing his soul with good literature".

"Good literature", Kurt raised an eyebrow and gave Sebastian the book back.

"So, let's start from here. You play Jurgis"

And so they started reading a twisted literature book to a 7 year old kid. Kurt didn't even know what his problem was. He didn't even look sick. Not yet, at least… The time would come that his high-spirits would become low, his complexion pale and his brown locks would fall… But the kid was smart and bright… he'll get through it. Kurt shook his head, to shook those thoughts away.

He was silent as they left Kyle room. Until Sebastian spoke, in a light tone:

"That kid is shrewd. He makes me read him literature books. I didn't push him, don't look at me like that! I just happened to read him the two versions of the same book, and he got the difference. He got the difference", he shook his head "And he made me throw the other one away. He doesn't want to miss anything in his life, not even a good reading".

Kurt remained silent and he went on: "Although saying good reading is challenging, your high-pitched voice and lack of theatrical skills considering"

"Can something other than insults come out of your big filthy mouth?"

Sebastian chuckled and Kurt, realizing the meaning of his own words, blushed

"You said it, not me", Sebastian commented

"Shut up".

They reached another big blue door, and Sebastian pushed it open, still giggling.

…

"That's called cheating, you know?", Kurt lectured Sebastian

"Hum?"

"That's not tutoring, that is doing someone else's homework".

Sebastian just shrugged

"What is she going to learn anyway? How long have you been 'tutoring' her?"

Sebastian sighed.

"You're supposed to _help_, not do all the work in her place!"

"Kurt"

"What is she going to do when she'll have her SAT?"

"Damned it Kurt!", he bursted "Esme is not going to have her SAT! She is not going to college!", his voice became softer and low "She's dying".

Kurt paled.

"When she grows up she wants to be a social worker… but she won't… she won't _grow up_, Kurt. And the least we can do is to keep that hope alive, because it's all she's been left with… even if it's not real, it helps her not to be afraid to leave this world having accomplished nothing. Her cancer destroyed her life and took her future away, and that's her way to fight it"

"Oh God… Does she", he swallowed, eyes watery "Does she know it's not real?"

Sebastian sighed, looked at him deeply, and then he started walking down the long hallway.

"Sebastian!"

He didn't answer.

…

They reached another of those blue doors; behind them, a pale girl –probably in her 17ies– with a green beany lay in bed, arms crossed and head turned towards the window.

"You okay?", Sebastian asked right away.

"Mia?"

"He left me". Sebastian face became sympathetic and he reached the blue armchair next to the bed.

"He left me", she repeated.

"What happened?", Sebastian asked softly.

"He cheated on me. He told me he cheated on me and then left". The girl turned her head to face Sebastian's. She didn't notice Kurt, struck still by the door, heart as heavy as rocks as old memories filled his head. Memories he had tried hard to forget, fast surfacing.

"He's an idiot. And a dick", Sebastian stated.

"I can understand why he left me. I can. I mean, look at me. Look at where I am and what I've become.

"Mia"

"What I _can't_ understand is why he had to cheat on me. As if I wasn't already feeling bad for myself".

"Mia, you shouldn't-"

"He said he loved me. He promised he- why do people make promises they can't keep?".

"Because they talk, but they don't mean it. People often say things they don't mean".

Mia sighed.

"I wonder if it is me… if… if things were different maybe this wouldn't have happened"

"It's the circumstances that reveal ourselves for what we are. But we stay who we are no matter what happens in our lives. What I'm trying to say", Sebastian clarified, noticing Mia's confused look "Even if you met him in a different context, in a different- everything… that wouldn't have changed who he is. He would have acted the same way no matter how hard you tried to make it work. Maybe it would have taken longer, but in the end something would have happened and he would have revealed himself to you for what he truly is".

"I don't know S. I don't know"

"He said he loved you, and he lied. He promised he would have remained close to you no matter what, and he didn't. This wouldn't have changed even if things were different"

"I still think it's me the wrong one, you know…"; she said pointing at herself

"You're not. There's nothing wrong in you"

"Maybe he just wanted an excuse to go. I mean, who would want to stay next to me, things considering?"

"If he truly loved you, you being sick wouldn't have been an issue to escape from", he said sharply.

"How do you know, S?". His face became stern.

"I lost my sun, Mia", he admitted softly at last "But this didn't impede me from enjoying his warmth 'till the very last moment he shined"

Kurt's mind was working quickly, putting some tiny pieces of Sebastian's puzzle in place.

"But it would have been understandable if you didn't. He cheating on me is not".

"Mia"

"Unless there is something in me that is missing…beside the obvious, I mean… and he looked for it in someone else. Unless there is something wrong in me. There has to be", Mia was obstinate.

"There is nothing wrong in you", Kurt managed to say. Mia quickly turned her head towards him. She was noticing him just then.

"And who are you?"

"I'm Kurt. I'm faking to be his friend", He opted for the honesty, so as to have a chance to establish a connection with her. A connection he already felt.

"Good for you", she stated.

"There is nothing wrong in you, Mia"

"What do you know?"

"I had been wondering the same question for much longer than you"

"Did your girlfriend cheat on you while you had chemo therapy?"

"No", he replied calmly. "My _boyfriend_ cheated on me while I was in college in NY and he was at Lima High. See, if you change the order of addends the result won't change. Which is what my 'friend' here was trying to say in a much twisted way".

"Why did he cheat on you?", she asked.

"He was feeling lonely and left aside, I guess".

"Lucas said he wanted space because our relationship was overwhelming him. I know he meant my illness, but he was kind enough to spare me that truth. But I know it is. He said the greatness of what he felt for me was scaring him so much he had to take a step back. Does that even make sense? It doesn't, unless you switch 'me' with 'my illness'. _People think they live by what they want. But really, what guides them is-_"

"W_hat they're afraid of. What they don't want", _Sebastian finished and they exchanged a knowing look.

"It's probably for the best if he left you…", Kurt told her.

"The funny thing is I cannot stop thinking if he meant it… I mean, if he meant all of what he said to me, what he did, what he promised"

"You shouldn't think too much over that, Mia. Cause you'll never have the answer", Sebastian stated.

"Mia's got to go now, sorry guys… we have to run some tests today", a deep voice called their attention. It belonged to a short, sturdy nurse.

"Oh, okay", Sebastian agreed. He gave Mia a hand squeeze, whispered something in her ear and then let her hand go, motioning Kurt to follow him.

Kurt waved good-bye to Mia and left her alone with the nurse. He felt drained and wary.

"What did you tell her?", he asked him

"_No one can make you feel inferior without your consent_"

"Eleanor Roosevelt"

"Yes", Sebastian replied pleased. He then took some instants to look his face up and down.

"Let's go", he said at last

"Who's the next one?"

"No one. We're leaving"

"But-"

"I'm hungry and I need to eat something. Something edible, I mean! Let's get out of here"

"Oh, Okay then", Kurt agreed faintly. Inside, he was relieved. He couldn't have taken it anymore.

"Taco bell?", Sebastian suggested. It was passed lunch time, but Kurt wasn't hungry. He pondered the idea – or better the calories – for a few seconds before agreeing. He really needed to distract himself a little bit.

"Let's take my car, then", Sebastian decided

"Do you want to decide my order too?", he asked. Sebastian grunted.

"This way"

…

"It's true! I swear!"

"Oh my god!". Kurt was almost dead laughing.

"I wouldn't believe it 'till I saw the x-ray myself! Oh my gosh you could clearly see the can's shape in all of its glory details! It was so gross".

Kurt kept laughing.

"But the best is yet to come! You know how that man explained it? He called it an accident!", Sebastian stopped because of all the laughs, his taco's salad forgotten in its plate.

"He dared to say he _accidentally_ sat on it! Like he sat on this low wall, naked, and he didn't see the can when he covered it with his butt!"

Kurt had tears in his eyes because of the laughs.

"I mean, even if it was true, and it wasn't… how can you just sit on a can and don't feel it as it sticks up your butt hole! Oh my goodness!"

"Oh lord help us"

"Listen! New sexy shop add: Spare a can, use a dildo"

"Oh lord", Kurt was in tears, he couldn't have laughed harder. Sebastian had been telling Kurt weird stories that happened in the E.R. They had been laughing for at least an hour. The last story was the cherry on top of the cake.

Since it was getting late, still laughing they headed back to the car. During the ride back towards the hospital Sebastian, who had previously complained about Kurt's taste for music, put on Walk this Way by Aerosmith at full blast and they went back to the hospital singing.

The ending of that day had been even weirder than its begin, if possible – Kurt found himself to think.

They reached the hospital soon, and Sebastian turned off the engine as he parked; the music stopped and the only sound audible was the one of the weird silence that fell on them.

It was then, when he gave a big look at the tall white building at their left, that he knew. He knew.

Sebastian had done to him the same thing he had been doing with those kids. He tried to make _him_ feel better.

"Are you going to sit there for long? I have things to do, you know… a life to get back to"

"Thanks for the lunch jackass", Kurt rolled his eyes and climbed out.

"Kurt", he called him unsure

"Yeah?"

"Keep it", he said handing him his copy of the jungle book

"No way, I can't"

"Take it", he ordered.

"And what about Kyle?"

"It's time I read Kyle something else, I'm sick and tired of this book".

"Sebastian, I do own a copy… I just can't find it"

"Okay", he sighed "For now keep this one, when you'll find yours you'll give it back to me, deal?"

Kurt seemed thoughtful for a moment, then grabbed the book: "Deal".

Kurt started walking slowly towards his car, his head full of thought, when he heard the sound of a car door being slammed. He looked back and saw Sebastian walking towards the Hospital entrance.

Instinctively, he changed direction and walked towards him.

"I thought you were going home", he said and Sebastian jumped

"Geez! Why are you still here?"

"I thought we were done here"

"You and I yes"

"Do you want me to-"

"No", he said sharply "Just go home, I'll take care of it by myself… I do this all the time, I'm used to", he continued softly.

"You sure?"

"Yep… I just have to see a few other kids and then I'll get back home"

"I don't know how you manage to do this"

"I told you, I'm used to".

Kurt stood there, watching Sebastian leave. Sebastian, the boy Kurt used to know.

…

08/06/13 22:44 p.m.

**Sebastian Smythe**: I didn't mean to upset you today, I know it must have been rough.

**Ladyboy: **I'm okay… Thanks?

22:47 p.m.

**Ladyboy**: I still don't get it how you do that, though

23:54 p.m.

**Sebastian Smythe: **Every one deals with pain its own way

* * *

Title of chapter inspired by: _Somebody that I used to know, _sung by Darren Criss.

The sentence Mia and Sebastian quote is from Khaled Hosseini, _And the Mountain Echoed_.

This was both difficult and easy to write. Hope you liked it! Your reviews always make me smile :)

P.s. The radiography story is true**...** yeah…

stay tuned for more updates,

Bluejeanzangel


	8. The place you have come to fear the most

**6. The place that you have come to fear the most**

_It has been said that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world. –_The Chaos Theory.

Four days. Four days was the amount of time that had passed since he last spoke to Sebastian. At that point, the more Kurt got to know him, the more he realized he didn't know him at all. And it was frustrating because for one step forward, Sebastian took 4 backwards.

In the end, though, Kurt had to admit that Sebastian owed him nothing, nor did Kurt to him.

It had all been a heap of events that clumped one on the other; like domino tiles falling one to one. And Kurt knew what had started it.

Sebastian crashed his car and his father helped him, then he was invited to the Smyhte's, a thanksgiving offer, and that had been it. Everything that happened from that evening on, had been a by-product of the crash. Even Sebastian's request to be friends for a night was a by-product of that damned accident.

The car hit the tree and his father passed by that very road.

It all had happened in a flap of wings. And it had lead Kurt towards a whirlwind of emotions.

He had once told himself that if he had seen Sebastian was okay, he could have let him go off his mind. But that didn't happened. That wasn't happening even now that he knew he was okay, or sort of.

This time, Kurt didn't try to lie to himself. He just thought it was because, at that point, Sebastian's life seemed to him like a huge jigsaw; and the more pieces he was handed, the more he wanted to have to fill in the blanks.

Sebastian's life made him curious, especially after seeing him interact with those kids, after he spent more that one hour trying to cheer _him_ up.

But, the more Kurt thought he might have misjudged him, the more Sebastian tried to convince him of the contrary.

He then remembered of a detail that had previously escaped him. When Willa talked to Kurt and made him promise to be nice to him, she also mentioned Sebastian had talked of him to her. It had been a month since that conversation, but Kurt's memory wasn't betraying him.

_'__He talked to me about you, you know…?'_

–But what did he say?

That kid confused and intrigued him at the same time – maybe he should really see a shrink.

The drill of his phone interrupted his mental madness.

_"__Hello"_, he picked up without noticing the caller ID

_"__Ladyboy"_, he shifted the phone from his ear and checked. **Sebastian Smythe.** Indeed. He placed the phone back to his ear.

_"__-you there?"_

_"__What do you want?"_

_"__Are we touchy today"_

_"__It's you the one who started this conversation with the wrong foot_", he heard Sebastian sigh and then he heard a click. He had hung up on him –What the heck?. He didn't even had the time to process what had happened that his phone started ringing again.

**Sebastian Smythe** calling

"_Sebastian_"

_"__Hello, is Kurt Hummel speaking?_", Kurt chuckled.

_"__Speaking"_

_"__I am Sebastian Smythe, I am calling your highness to invite you to a movie night with the siblings, under special request of Miss Wilhelma Smythe, better known as Willa",_ Kurt giggled.

_"__I don't know, when is the event planned?"_

_"__Tonight", _Kurt checked the time on his watch before speaking:

_"__Don't you think is a little late to make invitations?"_

_"__Maybe?"._ Kurt pondered the idea for a while

_"__So… are you in?"_

_"__What movie?"_, he asked at last

_"__Pretty woman"_

_"__Reeally?!"_, he replied, his voice a mixture of surprise and excitement

_"__No!"_, Sebastian put out his high spirits.

_"__Transformers' Marathon"_. Kurt made a weird sound with his tongue

_"__Willa wants you here"_

_"__Can't you make something up? Can't you tell her I have to see that old lady?"_

_"__I would have done it, if you hadn't blown my cover excuse!"_

_"__I didn't!"_

_"__Oh please! 'Things are going to change! I talked to them'! ",_ Sebastian hit him off

_"__It's not my fault your excuse was lame"_

_"__See you by 6"_

_"__I never said I was coming"_

_"__What? Would you really miss a chance to see my handsome face?"_

_"__Yees?"_

_"__Okay… but FYI…Willa will find you and hunt you down"_

The phone clicked and the call ended.

Kurt stared at his phone, shook his head and then typed

12/06/13 12:44 p.m.

**Ladyboy**: I'll be there around 6

**Sebastian Smythe**: Don't eat at home chinese

**Ladyboy: **What's that supposed to mean

**Sebastian Smythe**: We are going to order Chinese in. Don't eat at home

**Ladyboy: **Was that difficult to type a full sentence?

**Sebastian Smythe**: *Sighs*

At that last message Kurt bursted out laughing

12/06/13 12:47 p.m.

**Ladyboy:** *rolls his eyes*

**Sebastian Smythe**: I should change your contact name in: pretty woman

**Ladyboy: **Why? How did you save me?

**Sebastian Smythe: **You should have listened to your own voice: Reeeally?! Oh my god can we paint our nails afterwards?!

**Pretty Woman: **How did you have my contact saved?

**Sebastian Smythe**: FYI no, we are not going to paint our nails

12/06/13 12:56 p.m.

**Pretty Woman: **As if that wasn't one of your secret fantasies

**Sebastian Smythe:** Are you really enquiring about my secret fantasies?

12/06/13 01:06 p.m.

**Pretty Woman**: Perv

**Sebastian Smythe:** You know how they say… If you sleep with dog

**Pretty Woman: **you get VD's

12/06/13 01:10 p.m.

**Perv:** That was good. You're learning fast *claps*

**Pretty Woman**: Stop harassing me

**Perv:** Babe, if I was harassing you, you would have definitely noticed. Trust me

**Pretty Woman: **If that's not harassing, how do you call it, **'**Babe'? Friend bondage?

**Pretty Woman**: FUCK YOU STUPID AUTOCORRECTOR! BONDING, FRIEND BONDING

**Perv: **Sure*gives a knowing gesture of assent*

**Pretty Woman**: perv

**Perv: **Hey! you talked dirty, not me

12/06/13 02:26 p.m.

**Pretty Woman:** How am I supposed to get dressed?

12/06/13 02:32 p.m.

**Perv: **Are you serious?

**Pretty Woman:** Yes

**Perv: **Are you seriously asking me that question?

**Pretty Woman: **Yes

**Perv: **me

**Pretty Woman: **stop it

**Perv: **You could wear one of those gowns the sweet old lady sewed for you

**Pretty Woman: **fuck you

12/06/13 02:47 p.m.

**Pretty Woman: **Come on! I was being serious! Formal, casual? semi-formal? swimsuit?

**Perv: **Just put something on Kurt! What do I know? It's a freaking movie night with family

**Pretty Woman: **Are your parents going to be there too?

**Perv: **no

12/06/13 03:07 p.m.

**Pretty Woman: **Sorry

**Perv: **Don't be. I would take every possible chance to get out of this State too, if I could

**Pretty Woman: **You're going to college this September, you will get out of this prison soon

**Perv: **yeah

12/06/13 03:27 p.m.

**Perv: **sometimes it feels like I'm just moving from a cage to another, you know? Just of a different size

**Pretty Woman: **What do you mean?

**Perv: **Nothing, don't worry about it.

**Perv: **It's the aspirin, it makes me talk nonsense

**Pretty Woman: **Are you sick

**Perv: **No, I just have a terrible headache… I told you, your high-pitched voice gives me headaches! You sound like a lady with PSM. I shouldn't have called you

**Pretty Woman: **Seb

**Perv: **I'm fine, mom,,. It's been a busy couple of days and I didn't get much sleep, that's all

**Pretty Woman: **Did you start your paramedic work already?

**Perv: **On ambulances, yes… but it's not like I have a schedule, they call me when they need me

**Pretty Woman: **Just like a good call-girl

**Perv: **ha ha exactly

**Pretty Woman: **we could see the movies some other time

**Perv: **trust me, you don't want to displease my sister

**Perv**: I'll be fine

**Pretty Woman: **it's not the first time I hear you say that, you know?

**Perv: **Shouldn't you start believing me, then?

12/06/13 03:44 p.m.

**Pretty Woman: **It feels like a cage to me too… Lima, Ohio… at some point even NY… but I had a lot of time to think lately and I realized that most of the times we build our own cages. And at some point we feel trapped by life… But the truth is: we do have the key to get out.

12/06/13 03:47 p.m.

**Perv: **What if it's all dark and you can't find it?

**Perv: **Sometimes I feel incredibly disconnected.

**Pretty Woman: **Like you were born at the wrong time and you don't belong?

**Perv: **no

**Perv: **just disconnected

….

Kurt had been observing Sebastian for a while, as they watched Transformers. He was between Seb and Willa, who affectionately lay her head on Kurt's stomach – another gesture that made them look like two close friends. Ollie was not there, and Kurt didn't dare ask about him as he did the other night, when he came to dinner.

Sebastian was focused on the screen, curled up on the big sofa in the_ private private_ living room of their estate. He was wearing some grey sweatpants and a blue 'dalton lacrosse' tee. His expression was unreadable. Ever since Kurt had stepped into his place, nothing seemed changed between them. As if the hospital visit never happened, as if they hadn't been texting each other all afternoon since he called. As if he hadn't shared some of his deep thoughts as if-

"Pop corns?", Willa had paused the video on the credits.

"Why not"

"I'll go make them, Seb can you put on the next DVD on?"

"Sure", he said unenthusiastic.

"I'll help you", Kurt offered. He didn't want to remain alone with him. But it's not like he was escaping either, since it was an open space and the kitchen was just in back of the big sofa.

As Willa put the instant pop corns in the microwave, she took advantage of that time to enquire about his child reading experience. From the moment he arrived, they didn't have much time to talk since Sebastian complained he was late – 5 minutes! – and hurried everyone to start the marathon. He put the DVD on without even giving Willa and Kurt the time to catch up a little.

"It was… _intense_", Kurt commented "But Seb is really good"

–Since when he stopped being 'Sebastian' and become _Seb_ to him?, Kurt pondered.

Willa launched a fond look towards Sebastian: "he is"

"I should thank you for the invite", he said and she looked at him

"No that I had so much choice I mean, Seb told me: if you are not coming, know that she will find you and hunt you down!' his words not mine. He convinced me. I'm glad you wanted me so much, though", Kurt chuckled.

Willa made an amused expression

"Oh, wanted I?", she said in her bright voice, looking at Seb across the kitchen counter. He had already put the DVD on and was watching them from the sofa. His tousled head peaked from the backrest. As Willa spoke he looked away.

"Shouldn't we call the Chinese men?", he interjected

"Bu we've just made pop corn", Kurt exclaimed

"You forget where you are Kurt", Willa stated, pouring the popcorns in a bowl

"It'll take him at least an hour to find the place", she shook her head

"I'll call", Sebastian stood up and then asked:

"What do you want?"

"The usual", Willa replied matter-of-factly

"I wasn't talking to you", he clarified and Willa stuck her tongue out

"I… I don't know, what are you having?", Kurt asked him hesitant

"It's not like I have much of a choice"

"What do you mean?", he enquired and Sebastian shot him a look of dismay

"You know what I mean!"

"I'm sorry I _forgot", _Kurt replied angrily, having no idea what he was talking about.

"Just order something I don't care", Kurt retorted annoyed

"Fine". He touched his pocket in search of his phone, since it wasn't there he started looking around.

"It's in the library", Willa helped him and he stormed off.

"What's wrong with him?", Kurt let go exasperated

"Is he always like this? It's like being on a whirlwind with him! Thrown here and there and you never know what is going on! Or why!", Kurt talked before connecting his mouth to his brain. As the realization of what he said and to who hit him, he put his hands to cover his mouth.

"Oh lord sorry I… I didn't mean to be inappropriate it's just that… it gets really hard to be nice to him", he admitted. Willa smiled softly

"He didn't tell you, did he?". Kurt didn't answer

"As he didn't tell you about the paramedic exam". Kurt remained silent, what was he supposed to say, now?

"I'm good at reading people, remember?", she offered gently. She didn't seem mad, though.

"He never talks about personal stuff… it's hard to get to know him"

"I know", she smiled softly and offered him the pop corns. Kurt sighed and took a handful of them

"Bear with him… he's afraid", she admitted and he looked at her puzzled.

"Of me? Of being friends with somebody?"

Willa smiled sadly, and shook her head, she was about to open her mouth when

"How did that Chinese guy got the green card is beyond my comprehension! He didn't understand a _word_ of what I told him! I kept on saying 'soy' and he was saying 'song'… then I said 'dish' and he got 'fish'!"

"But did you order our food?", Willa asked.

"I don't know!"

"You don't know?"

"I got pissed and yelled him 'die' and then he said 'bye'! And-", he stopped to gasp some air

"And?"  
"And then I hung up!", he said it as if it was obvious

"That was smart"

"Helma, it was impossible to communicate with that soy sausage"

"But is he coming?"

"Who knows!"

"Gosh, if I don't handle things in this house nothing ever gets done"

"Shut up"

Willa started walking towards the door

"Where are you going now?", Sebastian asked

"I'm calling the Chinese man back!"

"And you need to call him in private? What do you do, phone sex to him? That's why you understand each other?"

"My phone is charging upstairs, you idiot", she threw a handful of popcorns in his directions and left the room.

"I'll say that again: you are a perv"

"Shut up you too", he said and plunged on the sofa. Kurt took the bowl and carefully walked towards the couch, too.

"You should have heard him! _Hellou schinese lestulant! _It was impossible to understand"

"It's funny how you can be so patient and so not patient at the same time"

"Hum?", he looked puzzled

"You were really good with those kids, can't you be as patient to that poor man that will cook dinner for us, as well?", Kurt sat on the sofa. Sebastian sighed.

"Okay, I might have overreacted"

"_might_"

"I just have a terrible headache and his voice was making me nervous. And yours is too", he crossed his arms and plunged deeper into the sofa.

"What's wrong about you and the Chinese food?", Kurt blurted and Sebastian looked at him intensely before deciding to speak.

"It's not just the Chinese food…", he sighed heavily and passed his hand through his hair

"When I was younger I had this thing and it fucked up my digestive system…"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah… I had a lots of problems… I've even been hospitalized for some time…", he took some popcorns out of the bowl in Kurt's hands and started playing with them "and now I can't eat almost anything. Literally. And if that wasn't enough every now and then it pops up that I can't eat a new food", Sebastian explained calmly. Kurt remembered when they had lunch, at Taco Bell. He remembered Sebastian having a simple salad. Then, he hadn't given too much though about it.

"But I still can eat peanut butter, so I guess it's okay", Sebastian admitted nonchalantly. Kurt looked at him bewildered: "Really?".

Sebastian shrugged and chuckled lightly. Kurt smiled back at him.

Being friends with Sebastian, or better faking to be friends with Sebastian, was like being on a whirlwind of emotions, constantly thrown here and there. But deep deep deep down, Kurt didn't mind it that much.

….

Halfway through Transformers 3, some loud noises caught their attention. They heard something crash and someone treading. Kurt opened his eyes wide, terrorized. Sebastian sit up and Willa stood. They looked at each other but didn't seem to be afraid.

The treads became louder and, one moment later, Oliver Smythe stumbled his way in.

He seemed high. Possibly drunk – heavy drunk, judging by the smell.

"Oliver", Willa reproached him and then rushed to help him stand. Sebastian, on the other hand, threw his back against the backrest, followed the two of them with his eyes but didn't say a word. Nor did he move a muscle.

"Come on, let's get you to bed"

"I told you he'd come. He told me he would", Sebastian said in a low voice to Willa, as she and Oliver were passing by the couch. She shot him a look but didn't reply. Kurt was about to stand up and help them, but Sebastian held him back. He lightly shook his head, grabbed the remote control and turned off the TV.

"But-"

"It'll take her a while, I'll call it a night", Sebastian stated. Kurt didn't know what to do, or what to say.

"I'll help you clean", he offered in the end, pointing at the empty boxes that once contained their dinner, and were now scattered all around the living-room. He remembered how different was the atmosphere then, when Sebastian was teasing Willa because her stomach had no bottom – just Willa ordered: 2 egg rolls, 2 spring rolls, a wonton soup, 2 portions of rice noodles with beef, 1 pineapple chicken with fried Tofu and 2 balls of fried ice-cream. The girl had appetite.

And Willa was teasing Sebastian because he insisted on eating his rice using the chopsticks, even though he couldn't use them, and made a mess on the floor. And Kurt had laughed and laughed and laughed, feeling more at ease than ever.

Now, that same room made him feel like an intruder in someone else's drama.

"Don't worry about it", Sebastian told him and Kurt had almost forgot what he had said.

"I'll see you, then"

"Of course you will, where do you think you are going?"

"Home?"

"You're crazy it's almost 1 and it started raining". He looked outside through the glass french doors. It was indeed raining.

"So?"

"So I'm not letting you drive out there"

"Are you worried about me? Can you say that again so that I record it?"

"Willa would to kill me if I let you go, so shut up and follow me to my room"

"You wish! I'm not sleeping in your room!", Kurt said frustrated, silently agreeing with his proposal.

"You are"

"I'm not"

"Listen, wouldn't it be weird if you slept in the guest room when _you and I_ are 'friends'? I can sleep on the floor, I don't care", he stated and started walking towards the stairs "Ain't you coming?"

"I want a 5 feet distance between you and me"

Sebastian bended: "Every wish is your command, princess"

Kurt threw an empty bowl of noodles at him

"Jackass"

"I have cosmopolitan, we can read it together and cut out the figures of the dresses to pair them", Sebastian said sarcastic and Kurt, now next to him, pushed him with his shoulder –'gently'.

"I'll tell you what, if I catch _you_ doing something inappropriate, something will be cut tonight… and it's not gonna be a fashion magazine", Kurt threatened. Sebastian rose his hands in defeat and chuckled.

"I like the NC-17 version of you"

"I learn fast", Kurt said, recalling their previous text conversation, and Sebastian chuckled.

"This way", he said pointing at another ramp of stairs.

"Who are you, Rapunzel?"

"Shut up, I have the best view".

He indeed had the best view.

Sebastian's room was nothing like Kurt had imagined. And he was not talking about the porn magazines he expected to see everywhere.

It wasn't big, nor luxurious, nor cold.

The room was a rounded mansard and had a wall of full sized windows that let the moon-light in.

Also, the room was messy, stuffed with books and clothes and papers scattered everywhere. It didn't scream wealth from any corner like the rest of the house. Not at all.

It was warm and cozy.

A detail that Kurt noticed was the fact that there were a lot of photographs, thrown here and there. An old polaroid was abandoned in a corner, next to a black reflex and a briefcase full of lens of different sizes.

Sebastian must have noticed his eyes lingered on the cameras, since he spoke:

"I wanted to be a photographer and work for National Geographic's when I was younger"

"And now?", Kurt couldn't resist to ask

"Now…now I'm going to Seattle to Med School… but I still want to travel the world and bring my camera with me… maybe I'll join something like Emergency or Médecins Sans Frontières and catch two birds with a stone", he gave him a crocked grin.

Kurt was surprised, but something didn't sound right

"You said you'll start Med School? What about pre-med?"

As Kurt made that question, something really unusual happened: _Sebastian Smythe_ blushed.

"They let me skip that". There was no proud in his voice as he said that, and that surprised Kurt even more.

"Oh"

Sebastian smiled.

He then set the bed for Kurt, who had previously insisted he changed the sheets – "I have no intention to get an unknown VD from you!". And then he made his own, simply launching some pillows on the floor.

"Done!"

"That's your idea of bed?", Kurt asked pointing at the pillows on the floor. Sebastian shrugged.

He then moved to the drawer.

"Here", he said after grabbing a flash tee and a pair of running shorts.

"What do we have here, a comic book fan?", Kurt commented, remembering of the Superman tee.

"Shut up. The bathroom is outside, first door left. You can't miss it, it has a WC and a shower"

"Does it have a sink, too?"

"I never noticed"

Kurt rolled his eyes and made his way towards the door.

"Clean towels in the red drawer", Kurt nodded

"Oh and the moisturizers are just beside the make-up set", he added.

"Okay, don't worry, I'll be quick so that you can do your dirty stuff", Kurt replied to his teasing.

Kurt couldn't place the moment when that game between them had stopped being annoying, and had become funny.

"That is not the only bathroom we have, Kurt", he winked. Kurt made him a disgusted face.

"Right, for a moment I forgot where I am", –it was true

"That's the purpose of being here", Sebastian admitted, before he shut the door behind him.

Kurt didn't know what was wrong with him that evening. Actually, he didn't know what was wrong with him all the time. His change of mood and demeanor was making him go mad, other than frustrated. One moment he was silent and angry at him, the other he was sharing his deep thoughts. Maybe Sebastian needed so see a shrink, too.

He then started imagining the two of them together with a shrink, and Sebastian hitting on him. He shook his head. His thoughts became even messier.

Since he wasn't that sleepy, as he finished instead of going right back to the room he wandered alone along the hallways of that huge mansion, exploring a little.

–He could always say he got lost, if he encountered Willa or Oliver. But what was wrong with Oliver, anyway? Why did Sebastian acted that way?

He couldn't help thinking that when the Smythes were involved, there was always an allure of mystery behind everything that happened in their lives.

He turned right and spotted one of those window-benches. He didn't resist the urge to sit and look outside. He could see the lake and, at that time of the night, with the wind and the rain hitting the window, it seemed rather poetic. Kurt felt as if he wasn't awake, as if the events of that day had been all in his head.

The funny thing was that he didn't know what he wanted more: if that was a dream, or if that wasn't.

His gaze fell on a book abandoned at his feet. _Looking for Alaska, _John Green. He took it in his hands and started leaf through the pages. Some of them were scribbled, others underlined. He had read that book.

In many ways, Sebastian remembered Kurt of Alaska Young.

He looked at window again.

_If people were rain, _

_I was drizzle and she was a hurricane._

He smiled.

….

"Do you still use the polaroid?"

When he had come back the room was dark and silent. Sebastian was laying in his 'bed', but he was awake.

Kurt lay in Sebastian's big bed, and had started at the ceiling for a while.

"Only when there's a polaroid moment", came Sebastian's late response.

Kurt recalled the _picture-behind-the-picture_. It was a polaroid.

"And how do you know one?", he asked, genuinely curious.

Sebastian sit up, turned the abat-jour light on and started rummaging in a drawer behind his back, until he found what he was looking for. He had a picture in hand.

Kurt moved to lay on his stomach and face him.

It was Willa, sat on a swing with a short white dress. The sky was cloudy and windy, judging by her hair and the creases of her dress. Her eyes were dark and grave. Behind her, Oliver was hugging her. An envelope lay on her lap.

Sebastian moved again to press his back against the bed were Kurt lay. This way Kurt could only see his profile in the dim light.

"That was the moment before she knew she was accepted to Law School. It was her dream since she was little and watched Ally McBeal on TV. One day we were watching it together and she turned around said to me: 'I'll be a lawyer. But I'm not doing it because of Dad. I'm doing it because I want to fix the wrongs in this world'. I knew she was accepted because there was no other chance, because she had prepared her all life to that moment. She was so nervous that afternoon, but I wasn't. I knew she got in. Because she had a purpose, and that's what makes things go right when everything is wrong".

"And that was a polaroid moment because her life was about to change? Her dream to come true?"

He shook his head.

"No, it was a polaroid moment because she was about to find out that it couldn't have gone any other way. She was about to find out she had always been right about her choices. Nothing would have changed that, not even a refusal. She had already been living her dream, just one step at time." He paused. "It's something we are never aware of: we build our dreams little by little. We think there'll be a moment in which our dreams and hopes will become real, and then we'll stand there pondering about how beautiful our lives are. But it's not like that. You don't wake up and realize your dreams have come true. You put effort everyday in order to make that happen, despite all. We expect to find the purpose in our lives when we look back, grey and old. We wait for a moment of clarity but it's not a moment, it's a life-long journey."

"So, that's the moment when she became aware that?"

"Yes"

"Wow"

"A polaroid moment is just moment in life when you realize you exist, that you are alive and your life has a purpose, whatever it is"

"Oh"

"Most of the times we live, but we are not alive"

They stood in silence for a while. Then, out of the blue, Sebastian spoke:

"I'm sorry you had to witness to that scene before"

"You're referring to Oliver?"

"The only thing that refrains me from punching him when he destroys himself like that, is the cognition that he is hurting, and it's his way to deal with it".

Kurt remained silent, pondering on Sebastian's words

"Everyone deals with pain its own way… everyone suffers its own way and has its way to show it"

"That's kinda negative, as a vision of the world, you know?", Kurt told him at last "you only see a world where everyone is in pain and all their actions are a consequence to that, a way to show that, a way to deal with that pain"

"But if you think about it, it's true. Everyone has at least one reason to feel hurt", Sebastian insisted.

"Yes, but there are also reasons to be happy, too", Kurt then sat on the floor next to Sebastian, and continued: "People feel pain _and_ joy… People have different ways to show joy, too… and that is also reflected in their lives. It's not all dark, Seb. There is not only pain in this world, but joy too! Can't you tell me at least one thing you have in your life that you feel blessed for? Think about it! If you do, more than one will come to your mind… think of your family, think of the smile of your sister when she looks at you…! Yes, people hurt and get hurt. Your friends can hurt you, your family can hurt you… Hell, the person you love can hurt you… But there's more to that, you can't look only at the dark side! The things in life that bring you joy can bring you pain, but these two are less intertwined than you think. And you should be aware of that, let people come close to you for more than a few minutes, let them love you and eventually hurt you. You cannot live by pain, otherwise you won't live a life, but a shadow of it".

He didn't know why he spoke those words, he just knew where they came from: the bottom of his heart.

Sebastian remained silent for a long time, before muttering a few words to Kurt, or maybe to himself.

"I don't want to bring people into the night with me"

"But you do realize you are not living a life, but a shadow of it?"

"I do. But I can't help it… I used to… but now… I can't"

"Allow yourself to see the good in people and the joy in life. You keep pushing people away but it does no good to you. Allow yourself to be happy and be close to someone"

"You are here, aren't you?"

Sebastian buried his head in Kurt's neck.

_When did we lose our way?_

As Kurt felt it watery, he hugged him tight.

___Consumed by the shadows. Swallowed whole by the darkness._

"Can you stay?"

_Does this darkness have a name?_

___Is it your name?_

"Yes"

…

That night Kurt couldn't fall asleep until Sebastian did. His back, pressed on the floor, ached. But he didn't mind. Before giving in to sleep, he thought of the emotional whirlwind Sebastian made him jump on.

The sound of the rain droplets drumming on the window was singing them to sleep.

_If people were rain, _

_I was drizzle and he was a hurricane._

He smiled.

* * *

Title of the chapter: _The place you have come to fear the most_, Dashboard Confessional.

The voiceover quote is from One tree hill, S3E16.

There's also an easter egg in here… a quote from _One Tree Hill_… all I'm going to tell you is: Season 4, Haley James Scott ;)

No offense towards Chinese food/people/restaurants intended. It's Sebastian, not me. Bear with him :)

that's by far the longs chapter! 5K+ words! But I just couldn't split it.

As always, thanks for the support you're giving me.

Stay tuned,

Bluejeanzangel


	9. In too deep

**7. In too deep**

Kurt hadn't heard of Sebastian since that night he revealed him his fears.

Two days had passed since then. It was typical of him, though: the closer they got, the farther he pushed him.

When he had woken up, he was alone. Sebastian was nowhere in sight and as he went down to the kitchen, he found Willa sipping an orange juice listening to her silver i-Pod. She had taken off her earplugs and informed him Sebastian had to leave early for work.

She also apologized for how the night ended, but Kurt didn't enquire further. Enough drama for one day only.

She said he was welcomed to stay, but he couldn't.

He had declined her offer making up an excuse, and reached his car quickly, feeling the urge to leave that place as soon as possible. As he got home, he wished he had Dumbledore's pensive because of all the thoughts he wanted to lock away.

That day, thinking about Sebastian, he realized there was always something that escaped him about that boy. And the worst thing was that, the more he couldn't get hold of him, the more he felt dragged towards him.

That same night, when Kurt was too numb from sleep and tiredness to think straight, he had sent him a message he was sure he would comprehend:

_I'm not afraid to walk into the night"_

But Sebastian never answered him…

…'Till two days later.

15/06/13 10:17 a.m.

**Perv**: Are you in for coffee?

Kurt read the message and typed back quickly the very first thing that had crossed his mind:

**Pretty Woman**: It's alive!

**Perv**: Indeed… Dr. Frankenstein

The boy was smart. More than Kurt could have ever imagined.

**Pretty Woman**: you read too much

**Perv**: I pay attention to details, it's different.

**Pretty Woman**: *rolls his eyes excessively*

He hadn't heard from him for days, and it took him a couple of messages to make everything seem right between the two of them.

15/06/13 11:02 a.m.

**Perv**: So… Lima Bean, 3 p.m.?

15/06/13 11:24 a.m.

**Pretty Woman**: Okay

**Pretty Woman**: But I may not recognize you, it's not like you have been around lately

**Perv**: I'll be the one wearing the brown raincoat only

**Pretty Woman**: you're sick.

**Perv**: I know you want me

**Pretty Woman**: Perv.

Everything seemed to be back to normal between the two of them.

But was it really?

…

"You're late", Sebastian greeted him

"I'm not"

"It's 10 past 3"

"That's not being late"

"Whatever"

Kurt sat and looked at him expectantly. He had been asking himself if it would have been awkward between them, after the other night. But Sebastian seemed his ordinary self. Which meant he was totally hiding something.

No one talked for a while, until Kurt asked:

"Didn't you invite me for coffee? Shall we order it?", but actually meaning: '_Did you want to talk? Shall we?'_

"I…", Sebastian started hesitantly "Well, I wanted to, but you arrived late and put me off!", he said and Kurt got:_ 'I wanted to, but I've been left too much time to think, and now I don't feel up to anymore'_

"But why don't you ask the blonde bartender if he gives you one", he winked "ask for his special one, you'll be surprised". _'But I hope we are okay'_

"You forget that I, _unlike you_, am not a slut… I have a sense of moral decency". _'We are'_

"I was talking about coffee! You're the one who thinks dirty!" . _'We are'_

"Sure, you innocent kid" –Since when he started to get Sebastian? Since when the word 'fake' had been crossed out from their sort of 'friendship'?

Anyway, now he was in too deep to back off.

"Have you been working?"

"Yeah, there was a mess the other day in East Columbus"

"What happened?"

"Okay", he started impassioned "follow me: there was this lady who stole a car and started chasing this other guy, because _he ate_ _he__r car keys_ and… no wait! I forgot that…ehm…first he had apparently cheated on her and that was why she wanted to left him… and so he ate the keys… but then she called her brother and all her family was suddenly involved and when they heard he had cheated on her and ate her keys, they called for vendetta... so they went to their place, he took off with his pick-up, she took her brother's van and everyone else jumped on their cars and started chasing him too… "

"Oh lord"

"Wait! So, there are about 6 vehicles that chase this white pick-up, the ex-girlfriend in the lead and", he made a dramatic pause "he hits a traffic signal, and she rear-ends him… and then everyone follows her and crashes into one another"

"It can't be true"

"It was absurd! But there's more! They made a fuss in the E.R.! They wanted to punch the guy in the white pick-up, but couldn't find him and ended up getting into a fight and started throwing fists to one another! There were people screaming and people launching stuff! It took _hours_ to actually understand what had been going on!"

"People are crazy"

"You have no idea"

And they looked at each other and laughed, and everything was fixed between them.

"I think I'm gonna grab one of those peanut-butter muffins, do you want one?", Sebastian asked, but Kurt made a disgusted face.

"What?", Sebastian enquired

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you"

"I always have a peanut-butter muffin when I come here", Sebastian stated and Kurt giggled:

"I worked here for a while, and trust me if I tell you that you don't want to know how they make them"

"But _why_?"

Kurt laughed non-stop thinking of Bob who dries his sweat with the dough, and of Sebastian who eats them all the time.

"Come on! Don't laugh! Tell me!", he insisted

"Oh no no, trust me, you don't want me to… you wouldn't eat a muffin again if I told you"

He couldn't tell Sebastian the truth, fearing his reaction. Even though it would have been amusing to see his face as he discovered the truth. Maybe he could save it for later.

"But they are my favorite!", he wined

"Come on, I'll make you some", Kurt spoke, without giving too much thinking on what he was saying.

"Like making _making_ them?", he asked amused

"You never saw anyone making muffins?"

"No!". Kurt looked at him bewildered.

"When my parents are in town they call Joe, and when it's just us… I mean me and Willa and eventually Ollie, it's Willa who cooks. And she's not that good", he joked

"And what about you?"

"Oh, I inherited my dad glorious skills", he admitted proudly.

Kurt remembered of that time when they told him about the barbecue mess his father made.

"Come on! Let's go! I'll show you how to do muffins… but you're allowed to look, not to touch"

"Yes sir!", he joked.

They chuckled and stood up.

"I'm serious! I want my parents to have a kitchen when they come back!"

"Where are they now?"

"DC. Work stuff"

"Oh, okay"

"It's a busy time for my dad", Kurt told him.

"But, you're okay with it...?". They had reached Kurt's car, and Sebastian leant on it.

"Yeah... I understand… also I know that if it were for him, he would stay at home with me… but he can't… and I appreciate what he does for this place… even if at times I do wish he was here and we could spend some time together but, I know he wishes it too, so… yes, I'm okay with it"

"You're lucky", he admitted softly, looking at his red converse.

"Why do you say so?"

"Because you know that he would rather spend some time with you than at work"

"It's not the same with your dad?", it was meant to be a question, but came out as a statement.

"I should get to my car… wait for me 'cause I don't remember where you live", he said quickly, without looking at him.

"Oh, sure", he replied, but Sebastian was already gone.

He was left puzzled, like all the time, and climbed quickly into his car. As he drove back to his place, all he could think of was: a brick at time… one brick away at time…

…

"No! Don't touch that! Don't!"

"Too late", Sebastian teased him, eating some of the dough with his fingers.

They had been mocking and teasing each other since they arrived. Kurt avoided asking Sebastian about earlier, and Sebastian avoided to bring up the matter.

"Why don't you go and make comfortable on the sofa?", he said pointing at the living room. He couldn't work with him constantly interrupting to ask him why he was doing what he was doing. And why was he doing it that way. It was frustrating.

He had let him stay in case he used some food Sebastian couldn't eat, because when he asked him to write him a list, he had refused saying the list would have been too long to write it down and that he didn't remember every food listed anyway. But he would have observed him and told him if there was something wrong. Kurt knew it was just an excuse to annoy him more.

But now, since he didn't have to add any other ingredient, he was happy to kick him off his kitchen.

"Kay", he nodded and, as he left, he yelled: "Just now _I_ am leaving, you're not throwing me out!"

Kurt giggled.

Not wanting to think too much about _Sebastian_ sprawled on _his_ sofa, he put the muffins in the oven and set the timer. He then took all the dirty bowls and put them in the sink to wash them, when he heard some music play.

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night_

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly_

_All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

He forgot about the dirty dishes and reached Sebastian. He was seated on the floor, his dad's vinyls scattered on the floor. _Blackbird_ playing in the record player.

He smiled and sat next to him:

"This is one of my favorite song"

"Blackbird?"

"Bird means lady, so the song actually refers to a black lady… the song was meant to support the civil rights movement in 1968, did you know that?"

"I didn't know bird meant woman"

"It's british slang"

"Cool"

"These are all my father's" Kurt said pointing at the vinyls.

"Really?", Sebastian was pleasingly surprised "I already love him! He has such a good taste! Look!", he grabbed a vinyl from The Smiths.

Kurt smiled fondly, thinking of his father.

"We used to listen to these together. It was great. We didn't talk, we just listened"

"Can we have dinner with the muffins?",Sebastian clearly wanted to change the topic. For some reason talking about that subject made him feel uncomfortable. Also, he had just invited himself to dinner.

"Sure" '_Please_, _Stay_' _._

They sat in silence listening to The Beatles singing_ Blackbird fly, Balckbird fly_… Like a magic spell the music surrounded them, and he never felt closer to Sebastian than in that very moment. And when it ended, Kurt was left with one desire only: More. He wanted more.

–Of music? Of Sebastian? Of that moments? He didn't know. He didn't _want_ to know.

"Have you ever watched _Singing in the rain_?"

"Nope"

"Seriously? We have to make up for that!", he exclaimed and went to grab the DVD.

"Put this on, I'm gonna check the muffins and come back"

–Had he just-?

The muffins were ready, he took them off the oven but waited a few minutes before going back to Sebastian. He got to the conclusion their 'fake' friendship wasn't fake anymore… and he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't go back from where he stood. He was in too deep… –how did that happen, he had no idea.

"So, here you are!", Sebastian's face lit up. Seeing that made Kurt's heart grow fonder. Also, knowing that _he_ was the reason why his face lit up, made him feel weird, weirdly pleased. Sebastian's green amethysts were smiling at him. It was the first time he noticed that color in his eyes. Usually, they were darker. Sapphire green darker.

He was comparing Sebastian eyes to stones. His madness was getting worst. He had to call that shrink.

They moved to the couch and silently ate their muffins as they watched Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds perform one of the best musical that had ever been produced.

_"_That Blaine guy is an idiot", Sebastian spoke out of the blue. His voice was low and honest. He kept looking at the screen without facing Kurt.

"He slept with someone else, that makes him a cheater not an idiot", he replied

"Are you two still together?"

"No. He tried to make up for that but I… I don't know, I don't know if I trust him", he admitted. If Sebastian could share with him some of his deep thoughts, he could too.

"Why would you want him back?", he turned around to face him. His expression was unreadable

"Because he loves me?", he offered

"He does not love you"

"Why would you say so?", Kurt asked annoyed, the movie forgotten.

"If he loved you he wouldn't have broken your heart"

"He made a mistake, I can't forget but that doesn't mean I cannot forgive him, if I wanted to"

"But you don't want to", It wasn't a question.

"I don't know… No, I don't think so", Kurt admitted.

"You shouldn't be questioning that".

Kurt was getting mad at Sebastian: what did he know about relationship? What did he know about hm and Blaine?

"And what do you know about heartbreaks?". Sebastian looked away, remained thoughtful for a while and then spoke with that low, soft tone he used once in a while, when he was talking of personal stuff.

"I know that you can mend a broken heart, but you can't fix it".

He looked at Kurt deeply in the eyes as he spoke, and he stopped breathing.

It was Kurt who looked away. He felt prickling behind his eyes, so he closed them.

"_Now that you have the proper setting, can you say it?"_

_"__I'll try…_ _Life was a song,_

_You came along_

_I've laid awake the whole night through_

_If I ever dared to think you'd care_

_This is what I'd say to you…"_

As Gene Kelly sang, Kurt leant his head on Sebastian's shoulder.

"It's hard to let him go", he admitted in a whisper.

"I know". Sebastian moved his arm so that Kurt could lean on more comfortably on his chest.

None of them moved anymore.

_Albert Camus once wrote, "Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken."_

"But now shut up 'cause I want to see how it ends", he teased him softly._ 'I'm here, it'll be all right'_

"You're doing all the talking, _you_ shut up", Kurt teased him back, appreciating his tentative to ease the tension off. _'Thank you'_

Kurt inhaled deeply, the scent of Sebastian filled his lungs.

Maybe their 'friendship', or whatever it was, wasn't going to be that bad after all.

_But I wonder: if there's no breaking then there's no healing, and if there's no healing then there's no learning. And if there's no learning then there's no struggle._

"Do you want to come to the mall tomorrow?" The movie was in his final scenes. "Willa has to pick her dress for our father's 50eth birthday… she could use some of your stereotyped gay sense of style", Sebastian eyes were fixed on the screen.

"You're an ass... But it's okay, I guess"

"We'll pick you up around 2 p.m…"

"Okay"

_But the struggle is a part of life._

"Thanks for… the other night", Sebastian spoke. The movie had just ended.

Maybe he had really thought on Kurt's words. Maybe they had really hit him. Maybe, he was really trying to put down his walls… one brick at time.

"My back still hurts, you owe me" '_I wouldn't have left you'_

Sebastian smirked. _'I know' _

_ So must all hearts be broken?_

* * *

Title inspired by: _In Too Deep_, Sum41.

Voiceover quote: One Tree Hill, S5E11


	10. This is it

**8. This is it**

"I am coming! DAMNED IT", Kurt yelled at no one. He was running back and forth with one shoe only, searching first his other black leather shoe, then his wallet, now the keys. In the meanwhile Sebastian's car was furiously horning. He wasn't that late. It was Sebastian who had come early! He said he was picking him up at two, and he first horned at 10 to 2.

"Oh! Here you are!", he had finally found the keys to his house.

He looked at his watch 2:10 p.m.

Another loud honk.

"Damned it Sebastian!", he found himself yelling. He grabbed the keys and left.

As he got out, Sebastian pressed on his horn once again.

Kurt rose his hands "What?!"

As he reached the car, from the driver seat Sebastian started yelling at him:

"What the fuck Kurt! Can't you be on time for once?"

"It's you who were early!", he yelled back climbing in the rear seat, too caught up to even wave hello to Willa, sat in the front next to Sebastian.

"I am _on _time! On-Time!", he repeated slower "Can you get that? Can your chick brain possibly get what that means? "

"Would you just stop insulting me?"

"Would you just stop talking?", his tone of voice was getting higher and angrier at each word.

"What do you want from me? I am here now!"

"Why don't you go back inside? You forgot your purse. And your brain", he blurted angrily

"Why are you acting crazy?"

"Because you're a lazy prude and I can't stand you!", he yelled

"Do you even listen to yourself? What the hell are you saying!?", he yelled back

"Guys, can you stop please? I'm trying to have a good time here", Willa intervened calmly.

"Whatever", Sebastian muttered, looking angrily at Kurt from the rearview mirror.

Kurt sighed heavily and Sebastian shot him one last death gaze before looking away.

Willa shook her head:

"Ignore him Kurt, he woke up with the wrong foot today"

"I d-"

"Shut up and drive", she cut him

"O-okay", Kurt said hesitant, feeling like he stepped into a nuthouse, not a car.

"So your father's birthday…", he tried to change the topic, bringing it to the reason why he was invited –by _Sebastian_– in the first place.

"19th of July", Willa stated. Kurt remained thoughtful for a moment, and Willa spoke his mind:

"Yes I know I am early! But I am very picky when it comes to pick up dresses!"

"Oh, okay… so this is like a-"

"Warm-up lap, yes!", she cheerfully finished for him. Kurt loved how they matched each other.

"What did you have in mind for your dress?"

"Oh, I'm glad you asked! Well, I kind of have in my head this picture the dress I want to wear and-"

"And now the challenge is to find the one that matches it", Kurt finished for her, sharing her excitement.

"Yeah! Exactly! Finally someone who understands the dilemma", she joked, looking at Seb who rolled his eyes.

"So what about the big event? Indoor, outdoor?"

"Indoor. Formal. Fancy", she communicated putting up a fake serious tone "family and friends involved, so nothing too sexy", she winked.

"So you decided the brand, texture, color and shape already?", Kurt asked, too caught up in helping Willa to think about Sebastian and his earlier outburst.

"I want it bright"

"And?"

"Bright"

"But Valentino bright or D&G bright?"

"Oh Valentino, definitely Valentino bright… God Kurt, you're the gay brother I never had"

"I can hear you", Sebastian said. Willa laughed softly

"I agree with you", Kurt replied, ignoring Sebastian "D&G tones are dreamy and eyecathy, but Valentino's are more pastelly and soft and definitely much more elegant"

"True"

"Can I drop you by and come back later?"

"No", Willa replied, and he sighed heavily

"What?", she asked

"Nothing"

"Tell me"

"It's nothing"

"You should apologize to Kurt then"

"Willa seriously I-", Kurt started but Sebastian interrupted him:

"My sincere apologies, your highness", he couldn't be less sincere

"Sebastian", Willa scolded him

"What? You asked me to apologize and I did"

"Whatever", she ended the conversation. She wasn't mad, though. Just concerned

"By the way that was the most pointless conversation I ever heard"

"Don't listen to us then", she replied.

"Fine", he said and then with one hand he started rummaging behind his seat "If that's what you want"

"Noo! Come on!", Willa exclaimed pleadingly.

"You asked for it", Sebastian finally found what he was looking for, a cd of 1D he quickly put in the player

"I hate them!"

"Bring respect to the poor guys"

"OMG! Sebastian Smythe You enjoy them!"

"I barely tolerate them, that's different"

"Sure, because you have that outcast music you listen to! "

As always when he was with the siblings, he felt like a viewer of a movie without plot.

Yes, exactly those movies you understand only as they end.

And he was just getting started. The question was: Is he gonna sit and wait 'till its ending?

"I don't mind One Directions", Kurt interjected.

"Of course you don't", Sebastian replied sarcastic. As the music filled the car, Willa quickly pressed 'stop', and Seb 'play'.They went on like that for a while

Kurt looked at the two of them with amusement.

"I hate this", Willa complained for the millionth time

"You enjoy it too, admit it!"

"I do not! And hey, you said 'too'!"

"I didn't"

"You most certainly did!"

"Well I didn't mean it that way!"

"Sure"

"Oh, just stop talking and listen to your favorite one!"

"You shut up and listen to _your_ favorite one!".

He turned the volume of up.

"Idiot!"

Kurt looked deeply at the two of them: first teasing each other, then getting angry at one another, then teasing again playing a game that was only theirs, knowing things about each other no one else knew. It must feel good to have that kind of relationship, he discovered himself to think.

Between a 1D song and a cry for help, they had managed to reach the mall alive, even if Willa's ears 'prayed for forgiveness' – her words, not his.

Except for that moment of sassiness with his sister, Sebastian had remained grumpy the whole time. He wan't necessarily surly to his sister, but to Kurt he was all snarky remarks and hurtful comments.

His eyes were as dark as his attitude, Kurt observed, not being able to place his behavior into a reasonable scheme. Just the other they acted like friends, their friendship slowly blossoming, and now they went back to the spiteful remarks.

Kurt was appalled.

"Where is he now?", Kurt turned his head right and left to look for him. He was nowhere in sight. He had been so caught up with explaining Willa the difference between taffetà and satin –too huge for him to even _need_ an explanation – that he hadn't notice Sebastian had disappeared.

"He probably just went outside to smoke a cigarette, let him be"

"O-okay", he replied unsure on how he should feel about it. "Do you want to enter PRADA or Balenciaga first?", he asked.

"I'm actually hungry", she admitted "Wanna grab a sandwich?"

"Shouldn't we wait for him?". She gave him a resigned smile and replied

"Let's go". He tried hard to ignore the pang in his chest anytime his thoughts wandered towards him. But failed

He remained quiet and thoughtful the whole time they stood in line to order their sandwiches. –What was wrong with Sebastian now? Only 12 hours he was fine. _they_ were fine. Only 12 hours ago he realized they were friends, frenemies sort of, and now he didn't even know if he'd still be talking to him the next day. –Why did he have to act that way?

He had been so lost in his thoughts to even forget he was with Willa –Sebastian made him think too much.

"A penny for your thoughts?", Willa asked, as they took seat.

"What is wrong with him today?", he blurted honestly. Willa gave him an "I knew this is it" look. She could read him that well.

"I don't know… Did something happen between the two of you yesterday?"

"No!", he cried "That is the point!"

She sighed and lowered her voice as she talk. A tone that reminded Kurt of that time she made him promise to be gentle to Sebastian, which was the reason why everything started.

"You know, Sebastian has… his own way to deal with his emotions and running away is his way to feel safe", she grabbed her bottle of water and started playing with it "That's his way to keep control… setting boundaries, pushing away people he came closer with". She put the bottle down and look straight at Kurt.

"oh", was all he managed to say.

"Don't think about it, he'll come around eventually", Kurt nodded and she then changed topic, probably wanting to distract Kurt filling him in about the latest details about her life. But Kurt wasn't paying attention at all. She may have noticed, but she went on nonetheless. And Kurt was thankful for that.

As they left their table, Willa announced she was ready to face PRADA. Even if that sounded tempting, Kurt had something more important to do.

"Actually I…"

"Go", she said simply, understanding him right away. He nodded and headed towards the mall exit. The whole _clothes over bro's_ rule, just being dumped away.

It didn't took him long to find what he was looking for. Or better who.

"Hey", he greeted Sebastian, hands in his pockets, back on the car, cigarette in mouth, gaze lost in the void.

He didn't reply. Kurt leant on the car next to him.

"Will you tell me what is wrong with you today?", he asked gently. Sebastian took the cigarette out of his mouth and threw it on the ground, putting it out with his red converse.

"Why are you here?", he asked harsh

"Sebastian"

"What do you want from me?", his words burned, unsettling Kurt's peaceful intentions and patent attitude

"Talk"

"I don't want to talk to you"

"Fine"

"Then leave"

"No"

"Why are you still here?"

"Why did you invite me over if you didn't want me here?"

"Why can't you stop bothering me?!"

"What is your problem?!"

"You! You are my problem!", Sebastian finally bursted

"Me!? What have I ever done to you!"

"Would you stop that?"

"Stop what?"

"This! Coming here, pretending you care!", he moved so he was facing Kurt as he spit the words out of his chest "It's me and you, just cut the act and leave me be"

"What are you talking about! What act?", then something in his head clicked. "You can't be serious"

Sebastian didn't answer him.

"This is it!?", he yelled bewildered "Do you really believe I am still pretending to be your friend?"

He looked away.

"I am not faking to be your friend!", he continued to yell his frustration "Not… not anymore", he lowered his tone.

Sebastian's features softened, he looked at him and:

"oh", was all he could say.

"Why would you think that?", Kurt came closer to him and he looked away.

"Why wouldn't I… it's you who said you wouldn't be friend with me even if I paid you… I am an awful person, remember?", Kurt's heart filled with regret as Sebastian's words sunk in.

He couldn't tell him that he hadn't meant what he said because, at one time, he did.

"I'm sorry ", he was sincere. He hoped Sebastian could believe him. He looked for Sebastian's eyes. And as they locked with his, he knew he did.

The usual feeling of being trespassed from side to side reappeared. But it wasn't that unpleasant anymore.

_'__Can we go back being us, now?'_

Sebastian gave him an half-smile. It was the answer Kurt had been looking for.

"Let's go", Kurt said grabbing his wrist

"Can I wait in the car?"

"No"

"Please"

"No"

"Did you see that?", he pointed at a lady in a pink shirt "Do you think that is Versace pink or MyDick pink?", Sebastian teased

"You're gross! And a Perv! Come on!", he pulled him from his wrist and dragged him inside

"Hey! Don't pull me! It's gonna leave a Valentino red mark!", Kurt tightened his grip and looked first at his wrist, then at Sebastian:

"Nah, it'll probably leave you a _Dior red_ mark". Sebastian chuckled softly, and Kurt realized he had missed that sound.

…

"Willa!", he waved, finally letting go of Sebastian's wrist. As she turned around and noticed them, she smiled widely and reached them.

"Here you are!", she said, giving Kurt a knowing look.

"Did I miss something?", Kurt asked

"No, there's nothing that really suits me here… I just can't find the one that will do!"

"That must be a huge dilemma! Poor girl", Sebastian, finally in his old self, teased her.

"Shut up!"

"I am sure someone will call the fashion police if you wore the wrong shade of color"

"Speaking of fashion police", she came closer and pointed at Sebastian "I think it is time you buy some trousers!"

"I do have trousers!"

"I mean trousers that are not sandy toned"

"I don't own only sandy trousers!"

"Sure! You own sandy cargoes too!", she teased back. Kurt looked at Sebastian, he was indeed wearing a pair of sandy trousers and a white polo. Again.

"That is going to be interesting! You know, having you as a mannequin!", Kurt commented playfully

"You're not going to pick up my clothes! I have a reputation!", he said to both of them who dragged him out of PRADA nonetheless.

"Accept advices, Seb", Willa teased him "Take advantage of the personal shopper while he is here!"

"I'm not going to accept advices from someone who wears leopard printed shirts and matching glittery foulards", he pointed at Kurt

"_Animalier_ is old fashion style"

"You mean old-fashioned!"

"Speaks the expert! Where do you shop at? Jackass store?"

"Ha!", Willa intervened "He wears J. Crew only!"

"That is not true"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about Abercrombie, but only when he's in the mood", she said to Kurt

"Will you let me be!", he asked but there wasn't harshness in his words. Not anymore.

"Okay, Abercrombie", Kurt joked Sebastian "Let's go! This way!", Kurt stated and lead the group towards the J. Crew store.

As they entered the shop, Willa hit the ground running back and forth, looking for something that would fit Sebastian; Kurt followed her pleasingly. Sebastian, not that much.

Kurt's attention was caught by a silky scarf. It didn't catch his attention because of its fabric, or its texture, but because of its color. Amethyst Green.

"Shopping in the woman's section, aren't we?", Sebastian voice, from behind, teased him. He looked up and his bright eyes looked at him. Amethyst Green.

"What?", Sebastian asked, noticing Kurt's strange expression and his gaze going from the scarf to his eyes.

"Nothing", he said at first then, out of instinct –may it be damned– he admitted: "Some times your eyes have its same color", and he touched the scarf again "not always, just some times… like now"

Amethyst Green, was all he could think of as their eyes locked and his lungs skipped a breath.

"Here! Try on these! Go!", Willa had reached them and handed Sebastian a pair of deep blue trousers, starting pushing him towards the changing rooms.

"I don't like them!"

"Go"

"No"

"I said go!"

"No!"

"Goo!"

"Fine!" he gave in at last, and she pushed him inside the changing room and close the curtain.

As he disappeared behind it, Willa turned to Kurt:

"He's always like this when we go shopping! He's all grumpy as a cat but then he always gives in! Ha! You just have to insist and in the end he's all compliant without complaint"

"Compliant without complaint", Kurt repeated and laughed, imagining Sebastian being dragged here and there from Willa, trying on stuff with a resigned look on his face. That image made his heart grow fonder. He wished he could see him in awkward moments like that more often –Did he really just think that?

"Let's have look! Come on! Get out!", Willa shouted him after a while. He came out of the cabin and started looking at himself at the mirror:

"I don't think I look that good in these"

"No way!", Willa supported him. Sebastian didn't seem convinced.

"He's picky too, when it comes to clothes", she whispered to Kurt, winking.

"Come on! They fit perfectly!"

"I don't know"

"They do! Tell him Kurt!". As he was dragged into the conversation, he felt his ears going on fire and hurried to say:

"I think I saw a shirt that would match! I'll go grab it!", before hurrying towards the shirt section. It wasn't true, but he couldn't speak his mind to them. He couldn't tell him he looked more than good in those trousers, and that he'd probably look stunning even wearing a rubbish bag only. That would have been a too embarrassing scene to pull. Sebastian may be a mean prick, but he was undeniably attractive. Just not to Kurt. Obviously.

He grabbed the first shirt he posed his gaze on – a plaid one, it was going to be hilarious to see Sebastian in it – and went back. Sebastian was alone

"You unleashed her imagination… now she went finding me I didn't even listen to what", Sebastian informed him, "What's that?", he pointed at the shirt in his hands

"A shirt"

"I know"

"try it on"

"It's plaid!"

"I know"

"No"

"Yes!"

"Never"

"Come on!", Kurt insisted, remembering Willa's words about Sebastian giving in eventually all the times.

"Fine!", he finally gave in, faking annoyance in his voice –as he always did with his sister, Kurt noticed.

He then literally took off his polo in front of Kurt, and quickly grabbed the shirt from Kurt's now shaky hands and put it on his bare chest. Kurt's breath shortened. He found himself admitting he had nothing to envy to those Abercrombie models. He could be one of them himself. Stuck in his place, he couldn't look away from Sebastian buttoning the shirt, one button at time, beginning from the bottom. He followed his hands as they moved quickly and skillfully on the fabric. He never thought that seeing someone buttoning his shirt could have been so h-

–Kurt Elisabeth Hummel you won't finish that sentence!, he reproached his own self. It's Sebastian Smythe, for Gaga's sake!

No matter what he told to himself, though, he couldn't look away. He was captured by Sebastian's long fingers that lingered first on a button, then on another... as the fabric of the shirt he had chose for him, hid his bare chest from his view.

"You missed a button", he said lowly, by instinct. Sebastian looked up, and Kurt knew that if he looked at him he wouldn't have been able to breath again, and hurried to avoid his gaze. He then found himself getting closer to Sebastian

"Here, let me help you", he said in a low, deep voice and quickly unbuttoned the shirt 'till he reached the missing button. He then looked up, as if he needed his 'go ahead' to go on. That was a mistake, because as soon as their eyes locked, he felt as if there were just the two of them, in a room with no air.

And he lost the ability to be.

His mouth felt dry. Nonetheless, keeping his eyes locked on his, he started buttoning the shirt again... moving slower at each button. In his eyes, he could see another shade of green; he couldn't quite place it – but he could guess it was in between desire and restraint.

As he reached the last one, Sebastian's warm hands rested on his; and his heart skipped a beat.

"Leave it", Sebastian said in a whisper. Eyes still reflecting each other.

"Oh! You're looking good!", a bright voice came from behind! Kurt jumped and Sebastian quickly pulled his hands away. His eyes were still locked on Kurt, though, even when Kurt stepped aside to give Willa a better view of Seb's look.

"So are we buying it? Convinced?", she asked playfully.

"Yeah", Sebastian said in a low and deep voice, eyes still fixed on Kurt's.

He didn't even look himself at the mirror.

"Great! Let's go then!". Only then Sebastian finally unlocked their gaze, and Kurt felt as if he was able to breath again. His brain was blank.

He was his friend. Frenemy. Whatever.

He just happened to be a good-looking friend. Frenemy. Whatever.

In the meanwhile, Sebastian had shifted his gaze to Willa. When Kurt regained his ability to think properly, he noticed he was giving her a suspicious look:

"What's this hurry?"

"I have no hurry", she told him

"And where is whatever you wanted me to try?"

"Oh! I found nothing that could do"

"Spit the truth!"

Kurt was amazed. They could read each other really well.

She narrowed her eyes and, after a pause, admitted:

"Okay, Sam is coming here! We'll have a little catch up, happy mr. Sheriff?"

"Sam… or Sam and _Brian_?", he asked and she blushed a little. Sebastian gave her an 'I knew this is it' look. She didn't reply and he went on wearing a playful smirk: "You know, dating you best friend's brother is so cliché"

"Oh stop it! We're not dating!"

"No? So you're not hurrying us to be with him?"

"I'm going to meet Sam too!"

"So he's going to be here too!"

"Oh! Shut up and get your own clothes on!"

"Am I going to meet him today? Or that is the reason you want me to leave soon?". Willa again didn't answer

"Touché", he replied for her.

They exchanged and affectionate but knowing look, and Sebastian disappeared behind the curtain once again with a chuckle.

He didn't know what it meant to have siblings. Real siblings. _You can't miss what you never had;_ but looking them interact with each other made him feel, for the first time, like his life was missing something important.

…

Willa insisted they waited outside as Sebastian got dressed and paid for his clothes. She caught the moment to fill Kurt in about Brian. Apparently, they had always known each other, since he was her best friend's brother. But she had always had her head somewhere else. She never saw nothing more than friendship between them, not until they ended up at Cornell's law school together, and started hanging out.

Her brothers tend to be overprotective, she explained, so she didn't want to involve them until she was sure of where she and Brian stood. She said Sebastian never met him, he just stalked his Facebook profile, together with Oliver, once.

"You should have seen them! It was absurd and hilarious!",

"What?", Sebastian enquired

"Nothing", they replied in chorus and Sebastian looked suspiciously at them

"Here are my shoppers, put them in my room!", she exclaimed handing Sebastian her bags, she may not have found the dress she was looking for, but that didn't put out her shopping mode.

"Come on! Let's get going!", Kurt exclaimed and grabbed Sebastian by the arm to pull him away. He didn't move, though:

"Is he driving you home? At least?"

"I actually might spend the night out. At Sam's. With _Sam_.", she told him and he gave her an unreadable look, at least to Kurt.

"Okay… Have fun, then", he said suggestively. She rolled her eyes and waved them goodbye as Kurt dragged Sebastian out the mall

"I don't like that guy"

"You didn't even met him"

"Imagine when I do"

"All this is actually cute, you know?", Kurt teased him. Sebastian snapped his tongue but didn't reply.

They spent the ride back listening to one of Sebastian's favorite bands: The Smiths, while Kurt occasionally teased him about the 1D cd he owned. They talked about music all the way towards Kurt's house. He learned that Sebastian is used to listen to 'Asleep' every once in a while, when he is in the nostalgic mood, or when the moment just calls it.

He also listens to The Replacements, The Coldplay, The Sum41 and The Dashboard Confessional. He is used to put on Einaudi as he studies and he doesn't mind jazz music when he wants to relax and country music as he drives. Also, he has a favorite song for every artist, except for Jason Mraz –of whom he likes almost every song, if he is in the right mood to listen to them– And except for Michael Jackson, of whom he liked the performances only.

–That revelation brought to Kurt's mind a time when they were competing against each other, and he wondered if Sebastian didn't like The King of Pop that much, why would he want to perform his songs at regionals so badly to hurt someone else.

Anyway, he hates rap music and 'those songs with the same rhythm the weeders listen to' (Kurt thought he probably meant reggae). Dubstep gives him headache and death metal the creeps...

He could have listened to him talking for hours.

That was because getting to know Sebastian felt weirdly comfortably good, to him. He was an enigmatic jigsaw, and having one piece here and there to put in place, felt rewarding – as if he started to slowly get him… one tiny chunk at time.

"Here you are", Sebastian said turning off the engine in front of Kurt's house.

"Thanks for the ride"

"I'm sorry I freaked out".

Kurt didn't reply to that, he just nodded knowingly.

"Next Friday me and the sibs are holding a meeting to plan the 4th July… Do you want to join us?"

"Well", Kurt replied after a pause "If by then we'll still be talking to each other, I wouldn't mind helping you… You know, all things considering… it's likely tomorrow we won't be talking anymore"

At first Sebastian made a shocked face then, as he understood his joke, he broke out in a hearty laugh

"Yeah, all things considering…", he agreed to Kurt's tease.

"See you, Abercrombie", he told Sebastian but he stopped him with his arm. Without talking, he started rummaging in the bags behind his seat with his free arm. From one of the shoppers, he took out a smaller one and he handed it to Kurt, who had already put two and two together.

"Seb you didn't have to-", he started as he opened it, the silk material slipping through his fingers

"Here", Sebastian simply said, taking his foulard off and throwing it away:

"No one will witness its existence anymore", he joked

"Are you picking my clothes now?"

"I'm returning the favor", Sebastian said in a deep voice. He then took the scarf from his hands and wrapped it around Kurt's neck. As his warm fingers happened to touch his skin, Kurt's heart skipped a beat. Memories of his bare chest and his fingers slowly covering it with the shirt he chose for him, crowded his mind. Sebastian's fingers lingered one second more on the fabric of the scarf, before pulling away.

"Green amethyst, huh?", he said and Kurt smiled nervously

"I'll call you, then"

"Okay", Kurt replied, his mind blurred, and got down the car. As he watched him turn the engine on and leave, his fingers went to touch the fabric of the scarf he was now wearing.

_This is it. The beginning of the end_

* * *

Title inspired by _This is it_, Michael Jackson.

No offense meant to onedirection/reggae/death metal/dubstep music fans. Once again, blame it to Sebastian ;)

I loved writing this chapter, and I hope you enjoyed reading it too! Thanks to each and every one of you, for every comment and everything!

stay tuned,

Bluejeanzangel


	11. Sing me to sleep

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing

**IMPORTANT NOTICE**: hey everyone! This chapter is out of your ordinary, and so it comes with instructions;) That is because a part of it is told through songs that **_need_** to be listened –bear with me:) So, when Kurt will name some songs and artists, at the very beginning, take notes and when they'll _reappear_, play them_ in the order they'll appear_ _in the narration. **Listen and then move on.**_ Only one is not listed at the beginning, for obvious reasons you'll see when you get there later on… but I am sure you won't have troubles finding the cover mentioned on youtube ;)

There's a reason I chose every single song you'll hear, and there was no other way I could convey what I had in mind, if not by making you listen to them…

I hope you'll like it, your thoughts and opinion about it are always welcomed!

Also, I wish to thank the amazing artists who covered/sang the song I found for you.

Enjoy!

* * *

**9. SING ME TO SLEEP**

Kurt looked at his iPod: _Synchronization Completed._

Great.

It was almost 3 a.m., but he had to get that done. He had spent hours on youtube to find… he didn't even know what exactly… it was not as if he could have found _exactly_ what he was looking for, but he had to give it a try anyway, and look for the songs that could best fit the voices that filled his thoughts, that night. Even if they would never match completely, and for obvious reasons… But he needed them to find relief. He needed them to remember. He needed them to never forget how he had felt.

He disconnected his iPod from iTunes, finally lay in bed and searched for the outcome of his hard work. He opened the playlist section and looked for his new one…

One he couldn't have ever imagined to need.

**_'_****_Sing me to sleep'_**

He scrolled through the titles once more:

Firefly, Ed Sheeran

Demons, JR Aquino

93 miles, Amanda Coelho

I see fire, Ewelina Antonijev

With or Without you, Boyce Avenue feat. Kina Grannis

Details in the Fabric, Jason Mraz

The world spins madly on, Fearn.

Asleep, John Allred

Heartbeats, José Gonzalez

He gave one last look at the clock. 3:00 a.m. sharp. He closed his eyes, pressed 'play', and as **Gonzalez** voice filled his ears, he lost himself in his memories…

**_One night to be confused_**

**_One night to speed up truth_**

**_We had a promise made _**

**_[…]_**

"Oh God I'm sorry Kurt we got you wait!"

"Oh, it's okay…"

"Come on in! Have you been waiting for long?"

"No, 5 minutes or so…"

"I am so sorry"

"I tried to reach Sebastian first, but he wouldn't answer his phone!"

"God, I am so sorry"

"That's okay! Stop repeating that Willa!"

"It's just that it's a mess over there!", she said leading him towards the outside-inside centre of the house.

"Sebastian told me you're planning your annual 4th July party"

"Indeed! And it's a fight! Every year the same story!"

"Come on, it must be fun!"

"Yeah, you know how they say: you need to work hard to play hard!", she said and he chuckled.

They reached the main pool, and kept walking towards a hidden, more private space. In the end, they reached a beautiful outdoor living room that faced the lake. He had never seen anything similar: there was a big comfy sofa and few armchairs… and a beautiful stoned fireplace that throned everything.

Sebastian and Oliver sat on the sofa one next to the other. In front of them stood what once was a wooden low table, but was now covered with scattered papers and pictures and pencils. Jazz music filled the air.

"Hey everyone!", he greeted them. They seemed lost in an animate discussion.

"Oh hi!", Oliver said raising his gaze to Kurt.

"How have you been?", he asked politely to Oliver

"Alive"

"Ollie!", Willa playfully reproached him

"It's nice to see you around…"

"Kurt", he helped him

"Oh yes, Kurt!… it's great to finally get to spend some time with your boyfriend", he told to Sebastian, who had been too caught in reading some papers to acknowledge him. He was wearing the blue trousers Willa chose for him, and a red Tee which matched his converse. He was also wearing black moscot's glasses. Classy.

"He's not my boyfriend and we are not dating", he told his brother not even raising his gaze from the papers

"Sure"

"We're not dating", Kurt confirmed

"Oh okay… then I guess someone just casually happens to wander around all happy and bright…"

"I do not!", This time Sebastian rose his gaze from the papers

"…Playing Jason Mraz! And don't deny it", he added pointing at Sebastian's open mouth "Because I heard you the other day with the guitar!"

"Whatever!", he told him and went back to focus his attention to the papers, his cheeks slightly pink from embarrassment.

"Here Kurt, take a seat!", Willa pointed at an armchair next to hers, in front of the sofa.

"And ignore OIiver"

"No one can"

"Oh shut up!", she pinched his arm and sat on her chair. Between the three of them everything seemed fine. Flashes of Sebastian's disappointed expression knowing Oliver wasn't there celebrating the beginning of his paramedic work, and of Sebastian hard expression on a night where Oliver came in heavily high and drunk came to Kurt's mind. He just couldn't know how to place them in that picture.

Their lives seemed to Kurt like a Pollock work… Beautiful, Expensive, Chaotic and Unreadable if not to themselves.

"So, what did I miss?", he needed to focus on being there.

"Oh, we have a theme", Seb said unenthusiastically

"Lanterns", Oliver continued. It seemed a joke said from his lips.

"I like it", Kurt said. Seb looked at him side eyes.

"Thanks!", Willa smiled at him. She then looked at her brothers narrowing her eyes, challenging them to speak. They didn't.

"I think it's a great theme for a party… bohemian and chic", Kurt told her

"Finally someone who understands"

"Yeah, I wonder _why", _Sebastian commented and Willa hushed him

"And everyone will come with a lantern?", Kurt asked. Willa's face lit up

"That is such a great idea! Thanks Kurt! Seb, take notes"

"Yeah Seb, take notes!", Oliver teased.

"So are we _really_ doing it?"

"It seems so", Oliver answered him quickly, lifting an orange drink from the ground and taking long sip

"It doesn't make sense"

"Oh shut the fuck up! All of you! My year, my pick! And you know what does not make sense?!", she said to Kurt "Having Cosplay", she pointed at Sebastian "and Spartans as 4th July themes!", she pointed at Oliver

"Cosplay? It doesn't sound like a theme Seb would pick", Kurt said and Oliver almost chocked on the drink he had been sipping

"Are you kidding me right?!", Kurt looked at him puzzled "And here I though you two were together"

"We're not!", Seb nudged him.

"And who were you?", Kurt enquired curious

"Well Oliver was Superman and I was sailor Mars", Willa stated matter-of-factly

"And you?", Kurt asked Sebastian

"Are you sure you two are friends?", Oliver intervened and Seb gave him a second nudge.

"Haven't you ever seen his comic-book collection?", he then asked. Kurt shook his head, half surprised half diverted at the new information

"He has this weird obsession with The Flash! Try and deny it!", Sebastian crossed his arms and looked away. Kurt instead had his eyes glued on him

"Oh My! You were The Flash?", he connected the dots and giggled

"Duh!", Ollie replied

"Oh My! I just wish I could picture you with The Flash suit though!", Kurt giggled, trying hard to see Sebastian Smythe as The Flash.

"And I think he owns several Flash tees too!", Ollie added and Seb nudged him once more

"Oh stop it! _You_ are the weird one! You and your obsession for greek history! You wanna judge me? Let's talk about the thing you have for spartans!"

"Spartans are cool"

"And half-naked! And I am the gay brother, huh?"

"Spartans rocks"

"Spartans were definitely a terrible choice for our 4th July party!", Willa intervened.

"No way!", they replied in chorus

"Don't listen to her, it was gold", Seb said to Kurt

"Epic gold", Oliver added.

"Was there a trojan horse too?", Kurt teased them

"Of course!", came Oliver quick reply and took Kurt by surprise. So, he asked unsure:

"Full of… beer?"

"NO! STRIPPERS!", Oliver replied and he and Sebastian started laughing as Willa crossed her arms and loudly snapped her tongue.

"It was not that fun!", she commented. "And you won't imagine what they said as _those_ were coming out the wooden horse half naked!",

"I don't know if I want to know", Kurt told her

Oliver then stood and yelled:

"THIS IS SPARTAAAAAA!"

Sebastian was bent in two with the laughs, and Kurt himself didn't know if he should laugh or not. Willa had shook her head rolling her eyes:

"It wasn't fun! It was sad!", she commented. Sebastian was still laughing his heart out. It was weird so see him laugh so heartily. It was weird to see him so…_ happy?_

"Okay", he said as he regained composure. "Let's get back to work or we won't ever finish"

"How many lanterns do you think we'll need?", Willa asked him. Sebastian seemed thoughtful

"I don't know, like a lot"

"And you could make those Chinese lanterns fly!"

"That's a great idea Kurt!"

"So, Chinese Lanterns Be!"

"We still have to decide _where"_

_"_Oh yeah_", _Willa stated

"Okay Chinese Lanterns look at these", Oliver took three pictures and showed them to Kurt

"What do you think?"

One was a luxury beach house, one a chalet, and one was a…

"Are you kidding me!", Willa said taking the picture of the strip club out of his hands

"Just in case"

"You're disgusting!", she commented "But Seriously… mountains? beach? Nevada? Montana? California?", Kurt was barely following –How rich these kids could possibly be to host a huge party in a different location every year?, he wondered.

"I vote for Montana"

"I vote for the-"

"Please don't, spare us", Willa teased him and he raised his hands in defeat.

"Why don't you host it here?", Kurt said and everyone looked at him

"I…I mean", all that green looking at him was making him nervous "This place is stunning and… there's a lake…" –good point!, he said sarcastically to himself.

Willa looked thoughtful, then spoke: "We could go up to the lower clearing", Willa pointed at the woods "And make the candles fly"

"I'm on it", Sebastian said

"Me too", Oliver agreed

"Yeah, that's a great idea"

"All in favor?", Sebastian asked "Motion approved! Let's move on"

"Why aren't you here every year? You make it seem so easy!", Oliver teased him

"what can I say, I'm a party planner born", he joked, and caught Sebastian looking smiley at him

"I like your boyfriend"

"We are not boyfriends", Kurt pointed out

"Your boy toy", he corrected himself and Seb threw him a nudge in the guts

"Stop it!"

"Okay! Okay, jeez! Are we touchy about the topic huh?"

As for reply, Sebastian nudged him again. Harder.

Oliver laughed and tousled his brother's hair with a smile on his face. Willa just stood there shaking her head

"Okay come on! we have work to do"

An hour and a half later, they went through the list of the guests and half completed the list of the things they needed to buy. Kurt gave them his opinion here and there, but couldn't do much more than that. All three of them were _explosive_. Yeah, explosive was the right word.

"What are we having for dinner?", he distracted them, who were now yelling at each other because Seb wanted to serve tequila only, Willa wanted wine and Oliver wanted to rob a distillery shop.

"Humm.. Chinese?", Oliver asked

"Oh my God! I've become a Chinese myself 'for all the food we've been eating lately!", Willa said

"Oh! Look at those eyes! Have they always been almond shaped?", Seb teased her and she smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

"What about pizza?", Kurt asked "I could make it", he wanted to feel useful at least "I'm… good at it and it's not like i have much to do here anyway"

Oliver was enthusiastic of the idea, but Willa and mostly Sebastian didn't look convinced. She looked at him who gave her an half smile and nodded.

"Would you stop talking to each other in that weird way? We are here too!", Oliver teased them

"I want an Hawaiian"

"Egg and Bacon", Willa said and everyone 'yucked' at her.

"What about you, Flash?", Kurt asked him

"Okay, first cabinet left", he started, then changed his mind "No wait I'm coming with you 'cause it's complicated"

"Oh o-ok", he replied and followed him inside.

As they reached the open kitchen he opened a cabinet.

"Okay so… no wheat flower, I have this thing for celiacs", he said taking out a pack. Kurt then realized he was talking about his pizza. He had truly forgot about his problem with food.

"Does all you can eat really fit that only cabinet?"

"It sucks, uh?", he commented giving him a sad look "No sauce, unless it's plain", he went on "and diaries"

"Okay", he mentally noted.

"So we have…", he rummaged in the cabinet "Black olives…", he took them out "Peas?", he took the can out and looked at Kurt both diverted and resigned.

Kurt then understood why he and Willa exchanged looks

"Do you ever eat pizza?"

"Actually no… it's a little too lame for me", he admitted sheepishly "But there was one time I ate it in Italy"

"Really?"

"Yeah it was some time ago…when I was in Europe and it costed like zero to move from a country to another… everything is so close! I mean, you are in France and two hours later in Germany… Here if you drive for two hours you are still in Ohio…", he rambled "But anyway, I got to Italy and I ate this amazing pizza… so good! I was sick as a dog later… but it was totally worth it!", he admitted proudly. He smiled at Kurt, but that wan't sincere at all.

"If you say so", Sebastian then rose his shoulders and gave him a resigned look

and Kurt felt the sudden urge to make him feel better.

"You can eat rice, don't you?", he remembered, but checked anyway

"Yes…"

"Chicken?"

"Turkey"

"Shrimps?"

"What are you getting at?"

"Shrimps, yes or no?"

"yes"

"Peppers?"

"Red ones only"

"Seriously?"

"Don't blame the messenger"

"Okay", then thinking out loud said: "What else… sausage?"

"Nope"

"saffron?"

"it's that yellow spice?"

"yep"

"then yes…but no black pepper"

"Okay, then Paella it be!". Sebastian's face lit up as he said that.

"Oh! Paella! Sure! Why didn't I think about it"

"I'll just go to the market to find what I need and come back"

"You don't have to"

"Really?", he asked surprised

"Come with me", he said and lead him towards a new, for Kurt, wing of the house. They went down a stair and there they was:

"Joe's Kitchen! Welcome!", Sebastian informed him.

"Wow"

"Yeah… my parents like to think big", he chuckled "Besides, when you host dinners for like 20 people you need an adequate space to cook properly", he explained.

"So, my parents are coming Sunday… yay…", he added with low enthusiasm "and Joe's been here early this morning to refill our pantry", he then lead him towards its door "Here you are", he opened it "Feel free to grab anything you need". He smiled, but actually helped him to find the ingredients he needed, and also helped him carry them towards the kitchen counter –well, one of the many.

"Oh but… don't you need flour to make pizza?", Seb asked looking confused at the things he made him grab.

"But I'm not making pizza… we're having Paella for dinner"

"Oh", Kurt could see as the realization of what that really meant sunk in him.

"We… don't you think we should ask them if they're okay with our change of plans?"

Kurt put his arms on his shoulder affectionally

"Are you okay with it?"

"Yes"

"That is all that matters to me".

Seb blushed lighlty and smiled to Kurt

"not being able to eat suck"

Kurt smiled sympathetically

"But You don't have to make me feel better about it"

"I know, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to"

At that point, Seb got closer and Kurt, by instinct, hugged him. Sebastian at first tensed, then relaxed. He didn't hug him back, though. He dug his head above Kurt's collarbone and kept his arms along his own waist.

"Thanks".

Kurt just hugged him tighter

"It gets hard at times", he admitted and Kurt started to move his hands in circular motions, before gently pulling Sebastian away from him, to face the green of his eyes, this time colored with a shade of sadness.

"It's not like mourning and be sad about it will change things…don't you think?". Sebastian nodded.

"And also I want you to try _my_ Paella because it happens to be the best in the whole Country". Seb gave him a tiny smile.

"You keep me on the bright side of life, you know that?".

It was Kurt's turn to give him a tiny, surprised smile

"Someone has to"

"I mean it", his eyes sparkled "The world looks better through your eyes".

At those words, Kurt's heart melted.

He then instinctively placed a sweet kiss on Sebastian's cheek.

As of shaken by trance, Seb then pulled away from Kurt's embrace:

"Hem… I'm gonna reach those three… you never know what they may agree to plan without me"

"I'll be fine"

"Call if you need anything"

"Okay"

As Sebastian was opening the door knob, he turned around as if he was suddenly remembering something important: "Do you want to me to bring you a stereo?"

"A stereo? What for?"

"Listen to Music! Duh!"

"I'm gonna cook, I don't need it"

"Oh okay… I thought you may feel alone and could need something to keep you company"

"I don't mind the silence"

"I feel every silence with music"

"How so?", he asked genuinely

"It scares me… it… makes me feel alone"

"But you're not", came his quick reply. Seb shot him a long look, before answering him

"No, I'm not"

He smiled, then pushed the door open

"Oh and Seb!", he called him "He is truly your brother"

Seb looked at him confused

"A horse full of prostitutes, come on!", at Kurt's words, Seb burst into a laugh and left. The sound of his laugh echoed in Kurt's ears and, as it disappeared, for the first time he felt as if the silence wan't that comfortable anymore.

Oliver was a great storyteller. They were seated outside, the only light coming from the bonfire Willa insisted her brothers to light up. And that helped create the atmosphere. Oliver had insisted they told each other scary stories –'He was a boy scout, could you tell?', Willa had mocked him kindly. Since Kurt didn't know any, and Seb and Willa were not in the mood, it was Oliver who monopolized the night ad everyone let him willingly.

He was a great storyteller. One of those that keep you interested and on the cusps. And he didn't even need to stand, he just sat in his armchair and used his body language and tone of voice to capture them. He managed to make them laugh 3/4 of the story, and than be scared shit for the remaining quarter. He was a born performer, indeed.

After a while, when they were all too susceptible to listen to any other story, but also too awake and caught in the moment to call it a night, Willa looked at her brothers with a questioning look. Ollie nodded and Sebastian smiled fondly at her, so she stood from her armchair and moved to grab what Kurt could shape as a guitar. Sebastian, next to him on the sofa, shifted.

Without saying any other word, she sat back on her seat in front of them, put the guitar on her knees, and started playing some notes. Kurt knew well the song,** I see fire; **but her low, warm, and sweet voice made it seem as if he was listening to it for the first time ever.

As the song ended, she quickly and crafty begun to play again,** 93 million miles,** wincking at Sebastian.

Sebastian, who had gotten the hit, took then the guitar from her with a smile. He put it slowly in his lap and, without hesitation, started playing inspired **Details in the Fabric**. As his voice filed the night air, Kurt got lost in him, in his voice, in his music.

He then filled the silence with the sad words of '**The world spins madly on**'.

As he ended, he seemed thoughtful for some moments, then raised his eyes to meet the blue of Kurt's. Eyes glued to his, he started playing. As Kurt recognized the intro, Seb smiled and nodded him. Kurt took the hint, but had to look away from Seb, fearing he wouldn't have enough air in his lungs otherwise, and shared the moment with them: **_Blackbird_** _singing in the dead of night… take these broken wings and learn to fly… all your life you were only waiting for this moment to arise…_

As the final notes faded away, Sebastian paused a moment, looked at his brother as he did perviously with Kurt, and moved his fingers on the chords again. Now Kurt finally got what Sebastian had meant when told him some moments just call '**Asleep**' to be listened to.

Kurt closed his eyes, lost in the moment. Oliver's voice was beautiful beyond words, and captured him, them, as a magic spell.

As the song reached its coda, Kurt really felt what Charlie meant when he said in his letters he was feeling infinite.

Sebastian stopped playing, and he wished he never did. The silence didn't last long though, before the music started playing again. This time it was Oliver who took the guitar. He gave his siblings one long meaningful look, before singing his heart out, to the rhythm of **Demons**.

As the song ended, he quickly changed the rhythm and looked at his sister. Kurt saw Willa smile. It was amazing how they could communicate without saying a single word at all. The notes of **With or without **you surrounded them. This time, he and Willa sang it together. Their voices melted so perfectly together Kurt wondered how many times they had sung it. It was a lullaby he wished it didn't have an end.

It was then Sebastian who reached to grab the guitar from Oliver's hands. He seemed thoughtful for a moment, then he raised his eyes to look at Kurt, giving him a look he wished he was able to read. His heart beat fast as they're eyes remaind locked. Instants or minutes later, Sebastian looked away, and let the words of **Firefly** slip through his thin lips...

_... __And I'd lie_

_If I don't feel so right  
But the world looks better  
Through your eyes..._

As he sang, a memory that seemed to belong to a distant time, but actually wasn't, replayed in his mind. And his heart melted once again

_"__You keep me on the bright side of life, you know that?"._

_"__Someone has to"_

_"__I mean it"_

_"__The world looks better through your eyes"._

_...Close your eyes  
Lean on me  
Face to mouth  
Lips to cheek  
Feeling numb  
In my feet...  
_

_And hold me tight  
Don't let me breathe...  
_

In a twisted way, that was Sebastian's own way to let him know he cared about him. What surprised Kurt the most, was the feeling _he cared too_.

And it was scary.

"It's getting late guy, and I need to go back to Lima so…", He blurted as the sound of the last note played by Sebastian got lost into the night.

"Oh, okay then… Seb... will you sing us goodnight?"

Sebastian said nothing, just lowered his head and touched the chords of the guitar one last time. The words of **Heartbeats** casting them in a dream no one wanted to wake up from…

**_[…] _**

**_To call for hands of above_**

**_To lean on_**

**_Wouldn't be good enough._**

Kurt looked at the clock from his iPod: 3:03 a.m.

There was no way he was going to fall asleep.


	12. my One and Only

**WARNING: **rating **M**

* * *

**10. My One and Only. **

"…So I told him: Of course I care about my Job, but do _you_ care about yours? Because _I_ am your job and without me…"

Kurt had long put her on loudspeaker. Lord knows how long Rachel Berry can talk about her diva issues. He looked at the screen. 34:36 mins. 34:36 long minutes of soliloquy, without one single question about him. No 'How have you been?' or 'What's up?' or even 'How is your dad?'. Nothing. 34:36 minutes of incessant talk about Rachel Berry.

She is his best friend, but there are times, like this one, when he wondered why did he put up with all of her diva crap. –Because I love her. He replied himself all the time. And love means also taking over someone's shit. yay.

"…So I got what I wanted, and it didn't even took me a lot of effort! Anyway, have I told you about Finn and how he made a fool of himself when he met…"

Kurt just hummed here and there, while he was carefully adjusting his eyebrows. He looked at the red bright pimple in the middle of his forehead. –Lord, he shouldn't have eaten that tiramisù Sebastian brought to him.

Sebastian.

They were hanging out regularly, discovering one another as somebody neither of them expected the other to be. "_I feel like I never knew you, Seb_", he told him the other day. "_That's because you never did". _So true were his words. They had never actually known each other. They were just two people who despised each other for the masks they had been wearing.

It scared Kurt how right it felt to actually get to know the real Sebastian, even if through tiny holes in his walls.

He looked at himself at the mirror.

And for the first time in a long time, he recognized himself.

He put the tweezers down and his gaze fell on the screen of his computer.

"…and everyone laughed at him!"

"Oh it must have been hilarious", he replied even if he wasn't paying attention at all.

"You have no idea! But I didn't tell you the funniest part! When Ralph came in…"

Kurt gave her sounds of assent, while his gaze was still fixed on the screen.

'Fashion School USA: Top 20' recited the title of the article he had been reading.

Everything had started the other day, when he was with Willa, shopping in search of her father's birthday party dress. (Again). She had suggested he would have been a great fashion adviser. So he told her about his job at vogue dot com, and how he could not keep the job because that would have cost him the withdraw of his scholarship. And in that case the little money they paid him, wouldn't have covered the costs of his tuition. So he had to give up to his dream job for his dream school. It was then that it struck him. –Was it really? His dream school?.

He had been in crisis since he didn't know when. His life seemed struck while everyone else's was speeding on. But what if the reason he felt standing still, was because he hadn't been moving on the right track? What if he had been wrong about musical theatre and NYADA and… his thoughts were that terrifying he tried to shook them away with his head. But really couldn't. Truth was he often lay in bed asking himself if that Otis College of Art and Design was still accepting applications, and if he could make it... but being too afraid to actually check.

If those thoughts weren't scary enough, add the fact that the one and only person Kurt felt he could talk about them was Sebastian. Sebastian fucking Smythe. The one and only person Kurt felt really close to in that very moment, besides his dad of course –Who wasn't at home that much, for Kurt's own dismay. Sebastian Smythe was the one and only person that Kurt felt he could open himself to.

–Could things get any messier?, he thought.

28/06/13 17:44 p.m.

**Barry:** Kurt

**Kutiepie**: Kurt? That's a first, Sebastian.

**Barry**: Can I come over?

Apparently, they could.

"Kurt? Are you still there?"

"Mmm… Sure", he replied her distractedly

"Good, because here comes the best part, Finn was…"

28/06/13 17:44 p.m.

**Kutiepie**: Sure

**Kutiepie**: You okay?

28/06/13 17:45 p.m.

**Kutiepie**: Seb

28/06/13 17:46 p.m.

**Barry**: put your ballerinas on and come down. I'm outside.

"Kurt! Are you listening to me?"

"Ehmm… Rachel I gotta go, my father's calling for me… talk to you later"

"Oh okay then… tell him me and Finn said hello"

"I will. See ya". He hung up.

'I'm outside' still ringing in his head. He had learnt when Sebastian was that cryptical, there was definitely something wrong.

He got dressed as quick as he could – which meant it took him at least 13 minutes – and rushed down the stairs. In the hurry he had also forgot his mobile in his room, so he had to climb back upstairs and go down again. As he finally locked the door behind him, he let out a sigh of relief since Sebastian's car was still parked in front of his house. He feared he'd left.

"Hey", he greeted him through the half up-half down glass. Seb looked at him, and Kurt could instantly read he was upset, by the dark color of his irises. Thus he opened the car's door and climbed in.

"Hey", he repeated. Sebastian closed his eyes and let his head hit the headrest.

"Seb?".

He opened his eyes and slowly turned his head towards Kurt's: "Do you wanna hang out?", he simply asked. Kurt nodded and Seb turned the engine on.

Neither of them spoke.

To fill their silence, there were the notes of Einaudi's… _ Primavera –_ Kurt recognized. Hanging out with Seb had its perks, after all.

He stopped the car in front of a pub in Lima Kurt never noticed before. Sebastian turned the engine off and climbed down. Kurt had been so thoughtful he didn't even notice he had gotten out of the car, until Sebastian spoke to him:

"Ain't you coming?"

As for reply, he hurried to unfasten his seatbelt and climb down. He then followed his friend –Lord, if that still sounded so weird – towards the entrance. They were welcomed in by some loud irish music. Despite being quite early for a beer, the pub was full. Sebastian directed towards the counter and ordered "Two medium triple malt reds" to a filthy, bald, fat and sweaty bartender. He smiled at Kurt. He lacked a tooth. Kurt shivered.

"Seb what the hell".

"Let's get out of here". He then pleaded, grabbing his arm, but Sebastian ignored him. He paid for the two beers and headed towards the only free table in the furthest and filthiest corner of the pub. From the counter to the little table, Kurt's mind found at least a dozen synonym of the word 'filthy' that could describe the place. The table, of course, was so grimy Kurt wondered if it had last been cleaned in 1918, when they claimed they first opened. He noticed Sebastian had already took a seat on that grungy (once)red bench that encircled the table.

And he wondered why he didn't know about that place. Duh!

"Are you serious?", he then asked him. As for reply, Sebastian pushed one glass of beer towards the empty seat next to him, on the bench. Kurt sighed:

"I don't drink beer".

Sebastian just shrugged, and started taking long sips from his own (grubby) glass. In a few gulps he had almost emptied it.

Kurt had been observing him standing still, not sure of what to think. Or do. In the end he sat next to Sebastian who had now emptied his medium triple malt red.

"I'm sure I've never seen anyone drink a beer that quickly"

"You don't want it?", he pointed at Kurt's beer. His voice was rough. Kurt shook his head

"Great", Sebastian just pushed his own away and pulled Kurt's closer. He again gave a long swig, and Kurt feared it would have choked him.

His drinking habits half amused and half disgusted him.

"I argued with my parents", he put the beer down with a loud thud.

"That place is a nuthouse. I had to get out"

"That's why you came to me?"

"I didn't know where to go. Then I thought of you"

It was then that a simple realization struck him: he didn't have anyone else. Sebastian, beside his family, had no one else but Kurt to count on. _He_ was the one and only he could talk to.

He said nothing more, and Kurt was too busy processing he was Sebastian's _one and only,_ to think of anything to say to his friend.

In the meanwhile Sebastian had finished his other beer (theoretically, Kurt's). He then crossed his arms on that table and rested his head on them. He looked really under the weather.

"Seb?", he asked softly.

He mumbled something and turned his head to face Kurt. His eyes were dark with sadness, and it moved Kurt's heart to the point he couldn't sustain his gaze, without the feeling of being stabbed hard in his chest. Kurt broke the gaze and started to gently soothing his back. He saw Sebastian relax under his touch and, after a while, he sit up breaking their contact.

He really wanted to make him feel better, and have his snarky friend back.

"You interrupted a fulfilling conversation with Rachel Berry to bring me _here_, you know mr. Allen?", he tried to distract him, also making fun of him, and his fondness of Barry Allen a.k.a. The Flash.

"Big mouth Streisand?".

"Exactly", Kurt giggled.

"Her nose is soo big. And so her mouth… I wonder if-"

"PleaseDon'tFinishThatSentenceShe'sDatingMyStepbrother", Kurt rushed. Sebastian chuckled softly as he always did.

"You're the one with the dirty mind, _Kutiepie_"

"And you the one with the dirty mouth! And stop calling me Kutiepie! I knew I shouldn't have shared that with you!", Kurt recalled that famous afternoon of the tiramisù when he, aided by the fact there was way too much sugar in his veins, made it slip to Sebastian the story of that one time when he was 11 and slipped on the floor, crashing straight into Merita Pitzburgh's birthday pie, and everyone started calling him Kutiepie.

"It's cute", an undeniably drunk Sebastian admitted, letting his head come closer to Kurt's as he spoke.

"You're cute" he whispered, causing Kurt to blush. But the moment of fondness didn't last long, since Sebastian blurted "Kutiepie!" and bursted giggling loudly at the awkwardness of his own words

"And you're drunk"

"Naahh!", he waved him. And began giggling again.

"Can you get me another beer?", he asked him

"No"

"I wasn't asking you. I was asking the other you", he pointed at the emptiness beside Kurt

"Can you get me another beer?"

"I think you had enough"

"I'm trying to communicate with him! And stop talking you're confusing me", he told him

"Sure thing it's me who's confusing you, not the two beers you drank up in less than 5 minutes!"

Sebastian sighed.

"And don't you think you can drive us back home now". Kurt scolded him, and Sebastian pulled the car keys out of his pocket to threw them to Kurt.

"Here. Keep them. Can you get me another beer, now?", he insisted, more annoyed this time

"I can get you home"

"I don't have a home"

Kurt softened:

"I was talking about mine"

"Oh Okay"

"Come on let's go. This place is way to gross for me to stay a minute more without getting some serious VD"

"It's not that bad". Kurt looked at him with his perfectly shaped eyebrows up

"Okay, it's just a _little_ _bit_ _rustic_"

Kurt shook his head and stood.

"Come on, stand up", he ordered him and Sebastian tried to stand, but failed miserably. Kurt grabbed him as he stumbled

"I'm fine I'm fine", he mumbled "I don't need your help"

"Sure you don't", Kurt replied, still holding him tightly as he helped him to stand.

Dealing with a drunk Sebastian was like dealing with a 5 year old spoiled little girl.

"Lean on me", he told Sebastian gently, as he guided him out of that filthy shack.

"I am… _I am_", Sebastian replied softly, maybe more honestly than he would have preferred to.

….

"Here, put these on", Kurt handed Sebastian _his _flash tee and _his_ shorts.

Sebastian looked at him puzzled

"Remember when you had me sleep at your place? ", Kurt read his confusion and explained. Sebastian face lit up, to suddenly darken at the bittersweet memory of that night.

"I kept them to wash 'em, but I always forgot to give 'em back to you"

"Okay", he said taking the clothes and starting undressing

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Getting undressed?", Sebastian's head poked out from his half taken off t-shirt. He then took it off completely and threw it away. Kurt gulped. Sebastian's marble skin was as stunning ad he remembered.

Sebastian closed the gap between the two of them.

"Don't pretend you don't like this", he said grabbing Kurt's hands and placing them possessively to his hips. Kurt, as always when Sebastian looked at him that way, lost the ability to be, to breathe, and to think straight.

"I were in that changing room too. Remember?", he whispered to his ear. Kurt's body quivered."God knows your hands on me feel so wrong yet so right", Sebastian roughly moaned him. Kurt's body quivered again but, regaining some sense, he slowly but firmly pulled Sebastian's warm hands away from his body.

Lord knows it took him all the strength left in his body to pull him away.

"Seb", he said sweetly "you're drunk and upset… and I'm trying to take care of you… care, not advantage…", he then lifted his chin to meet his gaze "you can't dug your problems in sex and alcohol… it's not like they're gonna disappear, you know?", he gently caressed his check with his thumb "here's what we're gonna do, you get some rest and then, if you'll feel up to, we can talk about whatever bothers you, okay?". Kurt could read Sebastian's answer through his eyes. "I'm gonna head to the outer bathroom, call me if you need me… it takes me a while", he joked him to relieve the tension. As he closed the door behind him, he leant against it. –Lord knows what I signed myself in, he kept thinking.

As he changed into his sleepwear and finished his moisturizing routine, one thought was stuck in his head: He had become really good in reading Sebastian… in understanding him… but was it a good or a bad thing?… and mostly, how did that happen? Thinking back then, it seemed just yesterday they despised each other, and now… where were they now? Stuck in the middle of something, that was sure. What was that something, that was the question.

When he came back to his room he found Sebastian on the bed, crawled on his side, giving his back to the door.

He quickly climbed the bed to sit next to him

"Seb... you okay?"

Sebastian turned himself over, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

"My father has an affair", he mumbled softly. Kurt froze.

"He has an affair with this young lawyer….", he explained "She's the real reason we moved to Ohio, did you know that? I did… _We want you to feel better_…_Ohio will definitely do.._._you'll see_... crap. We moved here because she was transferred in this butthole in the first place. And my father followed her. He doesn't give a damn about anyone else…", he sniffled "Of course my mother knows about her. But she just doesn't care her husband is liar and a cheater. As long as she can have her credit card and leave and party with her friends… Besides, it would be too indecorous to divorce. Ha… they play the happy family and all that crap, and then they even have the courage to preach _me_ about it if I don't play their game… when they should only dig a hole and hide in shame… God if _grand-má_ was alive…", he sniffled again "Lexy. Her name is Lexy. Even her name sounds like a hoe's…"

"Seb…"

"I hate them. I hate both of them", he started "They're disgusting", he then lifted to sit cross legged in front of Kurt. "Do you know how I found out about her?"

Kurt wasn't sure he wanted to know, but he would have let him talk and unload to him, nevertheless.

"I had to quickly check something in the internet and I was in the library… my father's study is close and I didn't feel like going upstairs to check it on my computer... so I just logged in his macbook… I pulled it open and that mail app opened… And there it was, the log history of my father's affair with that Lexy Lewis, all in front of my eyes… I scrolled their conversation history but I'm gonna spare you the details of what I read…", he shifted "but here it comes the best part…", he gave him such an hollow smile, that Kurt's whole body trembled "Fate wants my dad to comes in as I was busy scrolling his exchange of emails with that horse… I didn't see him coming and so I jumped when he put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me out of the desk"

Sebastian paused. His eyes darker than ever. Kurt was afraid to know how the story ended. Because, somewhat, he already knew.

"He made me fall on the ground and started yelling at me", he lowered his voice, and his eyes

"and then he gave me a kick in the groin I still remember how much it hurt",

"Seb…"

"Don't get me wrong", his dark emeralds looked up to meet his blue sapphires. "That was the first and last time he touched me…", he sighed heavily "but it still hurt"

"Seb…".

He looked away and went on: "The next day he gave me this book he had bought for me… I think he felt guilty and wanted to buy my forgiveness… or my silence… whatever", he rubbed his eyes before looking at Kurt

"I hated every single page of it"

"Why did you keep reading it then?"

"Honestly, I still don't know"

"Does…"

"No", he anticipated his question "It's always been between me and him"

"When did this happen?", he last asked him. Sebastian gave him a dark, half smile:

"The day I became captain of the Warblers… such a great day, huh"

_I'm captain of the Warblers now and I'm tired of playing nice_

Everything gruesomely made (non)sense, then.

"I'm tired"

"Let's get to sleep, then"

"No… I'm tired of begin alive to this"

Kurt's heart dropped, and he hugged him tight.

"I'm here for you", Kurt whispered him

"Sometimes I think you're the only one", he whispered back, nestling his head in Kurt's collarbone.

"I'm your one and only", Kurt whispered softly to his ear

"my one and only", his tiny lips shaped those words in Kurt's skin, sending shivers down his spine "I like it", Seb went on.

Then, out of the blue, he shifted his head from Kurt's safe nest to face him.

"I'm sorry", his tone was grave

"For what"

"For earlier… when I'm drunk and upset I just show the worst of me"

"It's okay"

"No, it's not", he untangled from their embrace "You deserve so much better... so much better than me… can you get that? You deserve someone that'll make you happy. And that someone cannot be me… I'm a mess and a wreck and I can't make you happy, Kurt... but you deserve to… you're such a good spirit...and I'm not good enough"

"Seb…stop it"

"I'm not enough for you…"

"That's not true, and you know it"

He shook his head

"I'll never do for you, Kurt"

"Let's get to sleep now, shall we?", he only managed to say at last, only wanting to put an end to that conversation.

His chest felt heavy, and he didn't even want to process why.

Because, deep down, he knew.

* * *

Title inspire by Adele's One and Only.


	13. my One and Only, II

**10. my One and Only, II**

"Kurt? I'd jus-", an half awoken Sebastian was saying in a drowsy mumble, as he came down the stairs. Eyes half closed, one hand busy tousling his hair, he stopped when he got a better visual and realized it was not Kurt alone he was addressing.

"Hem… Mr Hummel", he greeted

"Good morning kiddo". Sebastian mad an embarrassed smile

"I was just asking my son here about that expensive car in our lot", Burt joked looking at Kurt, then at Sebastian

"Oh that would be mine"

"I remember… how is it going?"

"As brand new"

"Excellent"

"You had a sleepover?", he asked suggestively to his son, whose ears were bright red

"Hemm… yeah… we ind of hung out and then we fell asleep"

"I didn't know you two were that intimate friends"

Kurt's ears reddened even more, if that was possible

"Well I… we…"

–Could that moment be more awkward? Wasn't enough that his father, whom wasn't that informed about the progresses in their 'friendship', had just walked in, busting them obviously having spent the night together?

"Oh Sebastian, hi!", Carole came in from the living room to greet him. Saving Kurt from a reply he didn't know how to give.

"Morning ma'am", Sebastian shifted a little uncomfortable.

"How have you been?"

"Good, thanks"

"That's fantastic! Did you spend the night here?"

–It could.

"Hmmhmm", he replied unsure, looking with scared, pleading eyes at Kurt.

–At least _he_ wasn't the only one in embarrass.

"Sebastian and I were just hanging out and we fall asleep", Kurt came in help

"It's lovely that you two make each other company!"

"Yeah, _lovely_", Burt replied sarcastic. He looked at Kurt. He knew he was going to need an explanation.

"Are you staying for lunch?", Carole sweetly asked him

"Oh I..."

"Yeah, why don't you _stay_?", Burt interjected. There was a glimpse in his gaze, and tone in his voice when he said 'stay' that didn't get unnoticed to Kurt.

"Yeah, why not".

And neither to Sebastian, apparently.

His sleepy eyes then looked at Kurt, crying for help.

"Hey come with me to the kitchen I'll make you breakfast…I mean", he corrected as his father gave him an amused look "I'm gonna find something you can eat"

"Ohkay", he relievedly let kurt drag him towards the kitchen by the wrist.

"God! I forgot they were coming back today from DC!", Kurt closed the door behind them

"That was awkward"

"My whole life is the epitome of awkwardness"

Sebastian softly chuckled at that

"My father thinks we slept together!", Kurt said exasperated, but keeping his vice low.

"So?", he asked confused.

"You don't understand", Kurt insisted "_My_ _father_ _thinks_ _we_ _slept_ _together_", he articulated well each word.

He could see Sebastian got the point from the expression of his face.

"Why did you make me stay for lunch! He's gonna question me like there's no tomorrow!", he blurted anxiously

"_I_ made you stay?! You said you would! Couldn't you come up with an excuse of yours?"

"I've just woken up! And I'm hungover! What was I supposed to say! And did you see the way he looked at me?!", Sebastian whispered anxiously at Kurt.

"Yeah well now behave and do your best to pretend you've never touched a sip of alcohol!"

"God I knew I should have staid in bed", Sebastian let out as he plunged on a chair. "Where were you by the way?! You made me wake up alone and confused!"

"Seriously?"

"Only when I looked around I could tell I was at your place", he sneered

"Oh Geez Thanks", Kurt said sarcastically, as he took a seat next to him

"I need caffeine", he sighed and let his face fall on one arm he had put on the table. The other lay on his stomach

"Maybe an aspirin?", Kurt offered

"Caffeine will do"

"You sure?". Sebastian mumbled something in response

"Seb?"

"Caffeine helps ". Kurt managed to understand from his grumble "it constricts the vases or something like that I can't recall it now", he sighed "listen I'm the paramedic just leave me be", he griped.

On any other occasion with any other person he would have thought he was insufferable. Right now, he couldn't help finding him cute, with sleep hair and headache and everything. He noticed his other arm was holding his stomach.

"Stomach ache?", he asked softly

"mmff"

"I'll take that as a yes"

He muttered something incomprehensible and Kurt could do nothing but smile. He put one hand on his back to gently caress him.

"Do you want me to give you a pain killer?". Seb nodded.

It felt strange to see Sebastian so openly vulnerable to him. A minute before in front of Carole and Burt he seemed so fine. He wondered how many times he looked just fine when, in truth, he was struggling to keep himself together.

He so stood –leaving Seb by himself felt strangely notsogood – and went in search of some stomach ache painkillers. As he was rummaging in the medicines cabinet, he heard some footsteps behind him. He knew without turning around who it was.

"Are you feeling unwell?", his father asked worried.

"Mmm no, it's just Sebastian... but nothing to worry about"

"So you and him..."

"We… we are friends… I'm just helping him dealing with some stuff", Kurt hurried to explain.

"Sure sure", his father replied not so convinced.

"I mean it… it's good we have each other… he's someone I can talk to when you're not around", he admitted sheepishly.

His father came closer to put his arms around his shoulders affectionally. He went on:

"I'm glad you're not alone, and I trust your judgment… it's good you have someone around when I'm not… you have no idea how much I wish I-

"Dad! we already talked about that"

"Yeah I know…. but I like to remember you that I love you, and that I'd rather wish to spend my time with you than-"

"I'm lucky I have you", Kurt cut him. He really meant it.

"Me too kiddo, me too…", he said and hugged him. Then he pulled Kurt away to look him in the face as he went on: "Just… next time you organize a sleepover tell me about it, okay? Mostly if you know I'm coming back home"

"It all happened very quickly and it slipped my mind", he rushed to explain

"So you and the Smythe kid are close friends now". Kurt wasn't sure that was a question. Or an observation.

"Kind of", he genuinely smiled.

His father studied him for a while, before smiling back at him "Kind of", he repeated as he left.

Kurt's smile faded slowly, and he hurried to the kitchen, where he was greeted by some annoyed mutterings.

"Here, I have your pain killers"

"Thanks", he let out an eye to look at Kurt

"That's okay"

"I mean it", he let out his whole face to face Kurt's

"I know"

"You're too good with me"

"I know"

"Are you feeling guilty?"

"Why would I?"

"Cause you make me drink that much?"

"AH, so that's all my fault", he was tempted to pat his head gently, but Sebastian was being so annoyingly cute he chose to place a small kiss on his forehead instead.

"Sweethearts, here you are". His lips remained still mid-air.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"What are you interrupting?", Burt came in quickly

"I'm making coffee! Who wants some?", Kurt quickly stood. Sebastian buried his head even deeper in his arms.

"I didn't want to interrupt you guys, but I just wanted to make sure you were okay eating some tomato sauce pasta for lunch… it's not like I have much time to cook since it's already past 11"

"Crap", Sebastian sit up, as if he had been suddenly awoken "Sorry, I gotta make a call", he said and stood up quickly

"Tell Willa I said hi". Seb nodded in surprise and hurried away

"Is he okay?",Carole asked worried, as he left

"Yeah, he… we just had a rough night, yesterday"

"mmm, I see", it was Burt who replied him

"DAD! It's not what I meant! Lord!"

"I'm going to check my phone if Finn called", Carole hurried out, not wanting to hear more.

"What are you-", Burt started, and stopped as he realized the double meaning behind his earlier words, at the same time when his son realized his father hadn't meant it that way.

–He had been wrong. It could definitely get_ much more_ awkward.

….

"Isn't it weird I have a cupboard at your place?", Sebastian asked, coffee in hand and legs hanging from the table he was seated on. After 2 cups of coffee and a few painkillers he was finally and obviously doing fine.

"Well, if you didn't come over that often!"

"I do not"

Kurt raised his eyebrows

"Not _that_ often!"

Carole chose that very moment to enter the kitchen. Sebastian climbed down the table as quickly as he could

"Oh, I don't mind", she told him with a smile that made Seb's cheeks blush lightly. She then turned to Kurt:

"Sweetheart, are you sure you don't want me to take care of our lunch?"

"Sure! I want you to rest, and cooking for us and him is not resting", Kurt told her distractedly, as he was taking some pans out of the cupboard.

"I told you I could-", Sebastian started but Kurt hushed him. Carole kept looking at the two of them with a fond expression. "What?", Kurt asked as he caught it. She shook her head "Nothing, nothing dear".

"Come on then, get out of here and go get some rest!", he ordered her playfully. She gave them one last look before nodding and leaving.

"What are we having?", Seb inquired, getting closer to Kurt

"_We_ are having spicy tomato sauce pasta with bacon"

"Amatriciana!".

Kurt looked at him surprised: "yeah". He poured the tomato sauce in two different pans before going on: "But don't get too emotional, you are having rice with plain tomato sauce". Sebastian made a disappointed look.

It was then that Kurt connected the dots.

"Oh Lord! You can't eat wheat"

"yeah…?"

"Are you stupid or what?! You shouldn't be drinking beer! That's why you were in so much pain with your stomach this morning!"

"I wasn't", he denied and Kurt gave him a death look.

"I just wanted to…". He didn't finish the sentence though

He hadn't realized till that very moment how much Sebastian was trying to hurt himself the other night.

"Seb", his voice softened

"Every one deals with pain its own way", he simply said

"Okay", he just dropped the topic focusing back on cooking. He silently grabbed the bacon and started cutting it in little cubic slices.

_Every one deals with pain its own way_, still ringing in his head

None of them talked for a while.

As Kurt was making the bacon sauté, another dot connected in his brain

"Sebastian"

"Hmm"

"I'm starting thinking you are on the sado-masochist side, you know?"

Seb looked at him pleasingly confused

"Define sado-masochism"

"Ah I'm not talking about ropes and chains… I'm talking about peanut butter muffins", Kurt accused him playfully. Sebastian then made a funny guilty expression.

"They're good", he justified "Yours especially… the cramps never felt so rewarding", he chuckled softly at that.

"You…", he started "you made me make you feel sick!"

"I wasn't sick"

"I'm not cooking you anything again! _Especially_ muffins!"

"Oh come on…", he faked annoyance in his voice, and came closer to hug Kurt's shoulders from behind.

"I'm sorry I deceived you?", he offered to Kurt's ear, who shivered at the touch of his breath on his skin.

"Just promise me you'll take a better care of yourself, okay?", he turned his head slightly towards him. Sebastian now clear and bright irises smiled at him.

"What do I have you for?", he asked rhetorically

"Are you okay?", Kurt chose that moment to make that question, which had been ringing in his head for far too long.

"I'll be fine"

"You keep on saying that"

"You keep on not believing me"

Kurt raised his eyebrows as for an answer.

"I'll be fine", he repeated this time more convincingly

"Okay"

"I have you", he said in whisper so low Kurt barely caught it.

Sebastian then gave him and unreadable look before pulling away from him.

As he broke the contact, Kurt let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

…

"Kurt this meal was absolutely great! I couldn't have cooked it better myself!", Carole praised him. Receiving compliments always made him feel embarrassed. He started at his empty dish feeling with his ears on fire.

The lunch had gone eventually smoothly. His father didn't question Sebastian too much and he –probably due to his rich élite kid education – managed to held the conversation, without letting it get either too personal or too vague.

Kurt had always wished he possessed such skill: to be able to handle any situation and any conversation with such charm and magnetism. He remembered also what a great entertainer Oliver was, and how Willa that time at dinner managed to fill every silence with her bright voice and witty interjections.

Though thinking it twice, that those kids were raised to this… to held the stage, and not to share mindless talks at table, tell silly embarrassing stories and laugh out loud at weird jokes… well, he realized he didn't envy them that much, anymore.

While his father raised him to embrace feelings and be true to himself,

they had been taught to fake. Fake their feelings, fake to be okay, _fake to be happy_.

No doubt Sebastian was such a mess when he failed to keep his pieces glued together.

….

"So… I guess I'll see you"

"Are you sure you can't stay longer?", Carole asked

"I really have to go, but I loved spending some time with you guys", he admitted and Carole rushed to hug him goodbye. A goodbye hug to which Sebastian remained awkwardly still. Kurt wanted to giggle really bad.

"Drive safe!", Burt told him simply, giving him an 'I'll be watching you' look. He then put an arm around Carole and left the two of them alone by the door side.

"That was awkward"

"Indeed", Sebastian confirmed.

He then stood still, as if he was expecting something from Kurt

"What?", he asked

"You still have my keys", he said matter-of-factly. Kurt's brain lighted up and he hurried to get Sebastian his car keys. He had left them on the telephone desk, so it didn't took him long.

"Here you are"

Seb grabbed them, and then pushed a hand among his own hair:

"God I can't believe I had you drive me home. In my car. You drove _my_ car", he opened the front door shaking his head.

As he stepped out, Kurt leant legs and arms crossed on the door side.

"Well I got you here safe and sound, haven't I?"

Sebastian said nothing and Kurt went on

"But you owe me! my ears may never recover for this day".

Sebastian laughed heartily at that

"You're cute when you are embarrassed, you know?...Kutiepie?"

"Oh! Stop it!", he moved his hands forwards to push him, gently, when Sebastian was quicker and grabbed them.

He then raised his gaze to meet Kurt's:

"About last night…", Sebastian voice was low and grave

"Don't say anything", he hushed him, their hands still entangled "Just remember I'm here… for you".

Sebastian nodded.

"My one and only"

"One and only", Kurt repeated. Memories of Sebastian soft lips on his skin sending shivers down his spine, making his stomach flutter. Memories of Sebastian hollow smile making his blood cold, stabbing his heart harshly.

Sebastian softened the grip but Kurt's didn't let go of his hands.

"you are enough. you are more than enough"

Seb gave him a tiny half smile and let go of Kurt's grip

"See ya". Kurt nodded.

He was already leaving when Kurt called him back. As he turned around: "What book was it?", he asked. He knew that question didn't make sense then and there, but couldn't refrain himself to ask. To remind Sebastian they now were in two to partake the same burden.

"the little prince", from his mouth came out those words as cold as ice.

"It's a beautiful book"

"I know", he replied glueing his sapphires to Kurt's "That's why I hated it so badly".

And so he left.

* * *

This chapter, I don't know why, was tough to write. I kept on changing stuff and things and I was never entirely satisfied by it. Hope you liked it nonetheless.

To thank you for your constant support, reviews and everything, here's for you a bonus _spoiler_ track: Sentimento by Valerio Scanu. (text and music: Andrea Falletto & Alessandra Dini)

It does not exist a translation of it, so for those of you who might want listen to it, and don't speak italian, I made it for you… because this song is simply so touching and sweet. and will come useful somewhere later ;)

Here you are:

_Simply because_

_this love cuts in my chest and goes straight to the heart_

_drowning are my thoughts in tears_

_It's strong the need I have_

_to love you_

_The love that I will give you_

_flies_

_upper than mantle of clouds covering the sun_

_and I will join you and I'll be in the wind_

_that brings together every moment of_

_of your and of my… sentiment._

_The shadows that touch one another_

_the light will paint them_

_precious desires_

_That close to me I'll keep_

_And then I'll tell you about it_

_so you'll always be the fire that burns in me_

_You are the lens that light up for me every color._

_The love that I will give you_

_shakes_

_our two bodies to the rhythm of one single heart_

_and I will join you and I'll be in the wind_

_that brings together every moment_

_of your and of my… sentiment._

_The shadows that touch one another_

_the light will paint them_

_precious desires_

_that close to me I'll keep_

_And then I'll tell you about it..._

_In silence of candles_

_of those nights made to dream..._

_Ah the love_

_that sweetly makes us feel so_

_men, __men, __men._


	14. Stand by me

**11. Stand by me. **

"So, let me recap all, will you?". He nodded

"You are going to spend the weekend at _Sebastian's_. The boy whom you spent the night with last week, _here_. Because you're helping _him_ in some last minute things _he_ has to sort out. Because _he_ and _his_ siblings are having this party tomorrow. _Without their parents_. And you are going to help _him_ set everything up. Am I correct?", Burt asked

"Sort of…? Dad, listen I'm almost late and I need to get going"

"oh …and _he _is picking you up in a short time and you don't want to be late"

"Oh Jeez!", Kurt let out exasperated

"And you're telling me you're not dating"

"Dad! We are friends!"

"You are in denial"

A loud horn coming from outside made both of them jump –Saved by the bell, Kurt thought.

"See ya! Say bye to Carole! Love you!", kurt placed a quick kiss on his father's cheek and hurried to get his bag.

"See? I'm making progresses!", he proudly told Sebastian as he hopped in his car. They were to meet at 10 a.m. sharp, Seb horned at 9:55 and it was now 10.03 a.m. Not so bad.

"God my father is so exasperating these days… how's it going at you place? What was this urgent stuff we needed to sort out?", as Kurt stooped the flood of words coming from his mouth, he noticed Sebastian's features were tensed. Hands holding tight the steer and irises dark as the night sky.

"Seb?", he asked timidly, as anytime Seb worried him, and he wanted to pull something out of him without pushing too much.

In response, Sebastian tightened his grip on the steer and turned the engine on. They speed up too quickly than necessary towards Kurt had no idea where.

As the speedometer reached the 110 Km/h: "Seb please slow down you're scaring me", his tiny panic-stricken voice managed to say. Sebastian said nothing, but the speedometer signed 80.

Kurt let out a relieved sigh.

They stood in a tensed silence for a long while, 'till Sebastian finally spoke –or furiously rambled.

"Why do you say you'll do something if then you don't! If you say you'll do something, you do it! Isn't it simple? It is! If you have make a commitment you sort it! period! What is difficult with that? Tell me! I can't think of everything alone! I'm only one! One brain two hands!". It took Kurt a moment to actually understand Seb wasn't referring to him.

"God! I can't take this anymore, I can't! I'm sick and tired of him!". But to Oliver.

"How can you be so careless and irresponsible! Damned it!". Evaluating the situation, it was better if he kept quiet and hummed once in a while, he reasoned.

So he let him lash out for 10 minutes good. Nodding and humming every now and then.

"I… I… I'm so mad you have no idea!". Kurt noted they reached a shopping mall mid way between Lima and Westerville.

"You know nothing". Thank god he stopped the car, was his first and only thought as Seb parked.

"He's… Why does it have to be like this all the time? Why?". Kurt read it as a rhetorical question and nodded and hummed as usual."You have no idea Kurt you have no idea how bad things get at times". His voice was rough from anger. And for rambling furiously for at least a quarter of an hour.

"you know nothing", Seb repeated shaking his head.

"He does this all the time! He comes and goes and then disappears who knows where, who knows how long, who knows with whom!". Kurt gave him a worried, but appalled look at the new piece of information that was handed

"You may wonder is he okay know? I know you are wondering that but you don't understand… He's gone!", he lashed out dramatically.

"You think that scene he made last time was it? You know nothing…you have no idea… that was nothing", Seb got his voice lower and his look away from Kurt

"There are times he disappears, literally disappears for days and then he comes back so stoned he can't even remember his name! You have no idea how bad it gets at times… and guess who has to clean his mess?", he stopped to breathe and to look at Kurt

"And the worst part, do you wanna hear it?". He didn't.

"It's not like he has a real reason to make a mess out of him". At that point Seb got out of his car, to light up a cigarette. Kurt followed him and leant on the car next to him. His features were shaken, but less tensed than before.

"You know… sometimes… the worst part about it is that all this doesn't have any sense… it's often just a matter of one bad decision… you start hanging out with the wrong folks and then… then you're suddenly entering a spiral of bad choices…. That's terrifying, if you think about it… how fragile our balance really is".

Those words had really stung Kurt, not only because of their deepness and rawness, but mostly because of their truth.

"I just wished I was ordinary… I had a dull ordinary life with a normal family. that's all… is it much?"

At that point, Kurt got closer to Sebastian, but not too much. He feared that even the lights tough him would make him freak out more, so he just stood by him.

"I wished I had what you had back in high school. That was why I despised you so much. I just-", his voice cracked. Kurt opened his mouth to speak, but in the end decided against it. It wasn't his moment. it was Sebastian's moment and if he stopped him even for a second he would not keep on talking his burdens out. And he needed to.

A few minutes passed in which Sebastian stood in silence, but it didn't last too long

"I'm rambling, aren't I?". Kurt offered him a smile.

Seb slightly leant his head to place it on Kurt's shoulder. It was one of the rare occasions in which Seb reached contact with him –and it was not a joke. That was the serious truth. Seb was good at innuendos and putting meat on fire but, in the end, he remained detached… And when it comes to terms, he pulls away. He's good at sexual remarks and blunt references… But when it comes to sentiment, he backs off… unwilling to deal with it properly. So yeah, Sebastian Smythe may be used to public displays of 'affection', but to displays of his sentiments, not so much.

"Am I talking too much, aren't I". Kurt raised his shoulders, and Sebastian his head

"Thanks". Kurt nodded

"So you might be wondering why I got you here", his tone finally changed and cheered up a little

"We need to take care of the alcohol and the chinese lanterns for tomorrow… and then we have to go straight on to settle everything up… and since we need to do some extra job it'll take us…", he looked at his watch

"at least 'till late afternoon", he then sighed

"That' because Willa has bailed on us… because she'll be meeting with suckmydickBRIAN…", he sneered. Kurt couldn't stop being surprised at Seb's ability to throw him into a whirlwind of different emotions.

"I hate him. he's a rich spoiled brat", Kurt raised his eyebrow at that.

"Don't look at me like that… and this story of him and Sam being in town renting an apartment bla bla bla I don't but it… that Sam girl wouldn't put a fingernail out of NY!", he stated "Hence, Willa's seeing suckmydickBRIAN alone…", he looked pleased at his deduction

"Have I told you about his piercing? He has this stupid earlobe piercing. Come on! That is too gay even for you!". Kurt raised his eyebrow again

"No offense, but this guy is just- and he is always there bragging… I mean you should have a look at his Facebook page… What does she sees her in him?".

Yeah what does _she _sees in him.

They had started heading towards the mall. Kurt still in religious silence and Sebastian rambling furiously this time about 'S.M.D. Brian', as he called him.

….

They had being going here and there to grab everything listed, and in the meanwhile Sebastian managed to ramble about S.M.D. Brian' the entire time.

As they finished placing everything in Seb's car –why Seb didn't want helpers to do stuff like that, since he could afford it effortless, was beyond Kurt's comprehension – Seb was still talking, and stopped only when they hopped on the car and he turned the radio on:

"This is one of my favorites". He said after a while, finally looking at Kurt in the eyes.

Beyond the usual sensation of having a stone on his chest, Kurt was pleased to noted his irises finally matched the scarf he was wearing.

….

"Whose idea was it?", Kurt exclaimed as he lay with a thud on the grass next to Seb.

"Ha! I told you! I knew it so!"

"And you do this every year?!"

"huhu"

"In a different location"

"huhu"

"And you are so rich you have a house in so many places to cover 4th July parities for a lifetime… and can't call someone to help set everything up?!", Kurt exclaimed playfully. Seb turned his face to Kurt's with an amused look

"First of all, we don't actually own every location we decide to host our party in… FYI it exists something called: 'rent'… and second I don't like having people do my stuff… I don't like staff people going around my place… but I don't know if you can get that", he looked at the sky again.

He couldn't. Luckily.

"Care to elaborate?"

"It's… it's my house and I… I'm not comfortable with people wandering here and there and… it just makes it clearer you're not at home… I don't know why but I get the feeling that having helpers and stuff like that around it makes your place becomes less than a home, and more like a hotel…"

"It… makes sense, I guess". It weirdly did, and Kurt thought back at that night at the pub, _I don't have a home_… he'd told him. In that moment he felt really sympathetic towards his _friend _(He was forcing himself to repeat the word 'friend' often, in order to make it sound less odd. It didn't)

"But we do actually own a house in Virginia Beach, and in Vermont….. and in NY…... oh and in DC…"

"Okay we'll stop it there, thanks", Kurt cut him. But it wasn't out of envy. Not anymore. He grew up in a _home_ full of love, surrounded by people who were and always will be there for him. He never had to feel a stranger in his own home.

"I'm so tired", lamented Sebastian interrupting his thinking.

"It's gonna be worth it", Kurt cheered him up

"It better be… after all the hard work he had putting those lantern around...it better be great"

"Do you remember any other great themed part?"

Seb tuned his head to Kurt's again "Oh besides Cosplay and Spartans, you mean? Ha, in the top gold there is surely Oktoberfest"

"Oktoberfest?"

"Yeah!", Seb exclaimed enthusiastically "I've never drunk that much beer"

"And I guess you never felt sicker!", Kurt scolded him affectionately

"Oh no! I did! Remember when I told you about Italy and pizza?"

"You are mad"

"_We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad_"

"_How do you know I'm mad?_", said Kurt, quoting back one of his favorite books, Alice in Wonderland, to his _friend. _

"_You must be otherwise you wouldn't have come here_". Sebastian's look was admixture between pleased, surprised and seductive.

"Said the Cat… no wait, the Chipmunk", Kurt teased him

"Mind your language, Kutiepie". Kurt hit his chest with his palm, and Seb chuckled lightly

"I like that" –it slipped his tongue before he would connect his brain

"what?", Sebastian asked locking eyes with him

"your… when you do that… it's so genuine of you", he found himself admitting, ears already reddening. He couldn't think straight or have filters when those amethyst looked at him.

Sebastian said nothing in reply. His cheeks painted a light shade of red, though, and he looked away. Smiling.

A comfy silence fell on them.

It was Sebastian who then broke it

"We never worked hard than when we had sunflowers as a theme, though… god…", he bit his lips "we were in NY back then…". As he remembered, Kurt noted a flash of deep sadness cross his face "We planted so many…", he pause for a moment "It was beautiful".

"Willa's pick?"

Seb shook his head lightly "Mine". And it was then that Kurt saw it, clearly displaying on Sebastian's feature: the pain.

Sebastian frowned, his eyes darkened and became watery

"You okay?", Kurt asked sensing his inner struggle.

Sebastian remained silent, he just stroke his eyes and sniffled.

It was then that it hit Kurt. Sebastian was suffering for some reason, and he was also really trying to open up a little to him. In his twisted and enigmatic way, but still he was trying and partake with Kurt a clearly emotional memory of his. Another piece of the puzzle he was handing him. Another brick of his wall was falling down.

"Another of the goldest ones", Sebastian abruptly shifted Kurt's attention "was the hobbits", his features lighted at the memory "you know that stuff they drink, hydromel?". Kurt gave him a nod

"well Ollie spiked it with I have no idea what but…. I mean… one sip of it and you were gone! Ha…. I'll tell you this and I'll tell you everything: halfway through the part the leitmotif become: They're taking the hobbits to Isengaard!", he started giggling at that. Kurt looked at him confused. As Seb noticed it:

"No"

"No what"

"You didn't"

"I didn't what"

"You didn't watch that video… tell me you did". Kurt still looked at him puzzled

"Damned it Kurt! Where have you been living!", he heated up and grabbed his phone out of his pocket. He then turned on his stomach and gestured Kurt to do the same and come closer. He then opened the youtube app and quicky typed 'hobbits' and 'isengard'. The result was a silly remixed video that made Kurt laugh his heart out.

Since Kurt had triggered Sebastian's nerdy part, they spent the remaining part of the afternoon sprawled on the grass looking at trashy videos. Sebastian was apparently an expert.

Kurt was introduced to John Lajoje ('hands' was not bad, but 'I have no penis' brought the trashiness up to a next level), and to the guys of Epic Meal Time (he'll never look at valentine chocolate hearts the same way again. Also, his definition of Stuffed had drastically improved after 'bird in a bird in a bird in a pig').

"Gosh I can't take any more trashiness for today! I need a rest"

"I need a beer". Kurt smacked him

"Hey!"

"You need a new brain… no, sorry… you need a brain, period"

"Sassy ass"

They lay in a comfortable silence for a while. They had been working for hours to set everything up for the great party due the next day. It had been trying but also incredibly enjoyable. Yes, spending time with Sebastian Smythe had turned up to be enjoyable. And exactly what Kurt needed since he came back from NY. Also, their relationship was slowly growing to the point Sebastian would open up to him… whether to lash out about his family or to let his tender, nerdier site emerge. Sebastian turned out to be anything from what Kurt could have possibly imagined he'd be.

"It feels great to get to know the real you", he spoke out loud, turning on his side.

"hum?", Seb turned on his side to look at Kurt, and his mind went black

"I… I never imagined… you know…"

Seb kept looking at him and his brain totally disconnected from his head.

"You surprise me", Kurt finally explained, tearing a tiny smile out of his friend's face. As for anwer Seb placed a sweet, tender kiss on the corner of Kurt's mouth, before deciding to lay down on Kurt's chest. They stood like that for a while. What was surprising the most, was the feeling of rightness Kurt sensed.

Yeah, it might be too late now to call that shrink.

…

"How did you learnt to play?", Kurt pointed at the guitar abandoned at one corner of the living room.

"Oh well, Ollie was a scout and they taught him how to play… and he taught me and Willa"

"Cool"

"Ollie is great", he admitted with a proud, but nostalgic sparkle in his eyes

"You're not so bad yourself", Kurt offered. Sebastian gave him a genuine smile and plunged into the sofa next to him, a bowl of ice-cream in one hand, two spoons in the other.

They agreed to have ice-cream for dinner, being to tired (Kurt) to actually think of anything to cook. Later on Kurt reflected on how things had quickly changed in his life, in his relationship with the annoying chipmunk Sebastian was. The first time he stepped into that house he felt like a stranger towards a world being so different no bridge could possibly cut. And now… it seemed like the little bricks Sebastian let fall, managed to create that bridge. Around these people that he considered strangers to whom he had nothing to partage, he had found friendship and support and, mostly, understanding.

He had reached a point where being there, watching 'The lord of the rings' (Sebastian's request), sprawled on the sofa with Sebastian's head on his lap, didn't felt weird at all. He was comfortable around him. They were comfortable around each other. He had gotten affectionate to the young boy now peacefully asleep on his lap. He didn't quite know how, but he did... he got affectionate to Sebastian Smythe. Slowly, then all at once.

He smiled, giving a glance at the copy of 'The Fault in Our Stars' laying on the floor across the sofa.

"Hey you", Willa's bright voice greeted him, but she suddenly put her hands on her mouth as Kurt gestured her Seb was fast asleep.

"As if he would wake up", she teased her brother's ability to sleep nevertheless.

"It was a tiring day"

"Is he okay?". Kurt knew what she meant

"Well... he was upset, but he's okay now, I guess".

Willa nodded and sat on the black armchair next to the sofa, playing with her hands. "You know… Ollie being the older brother and our parents being always away… he kind of took care of us… and Seb's always idolized him", she made warm smile looking at her brother "He used to look up at him and even now when Ollie says this and that... he keeps on believing him, on trusting his promises… he'll probably always do that", her smile broke "I just wish Ollie wouldn't pretend he doesn't know that this often", she then raised her eyes to meet Kurt's "don't get me wrong, Ollie loves him endlessly. He's just… a constant disappointment", she added in a low, sad tone.

"Did it take it on you?", she then asked. He knew what she was referring to. He got good at reading the Smythes.

"No… he lashed out for an hour or so and then started rambling about his favorite topic", Kurt gave her a mischievous grin "Brian", they said at the same time. She shook her head.

"He keps calling him SMD Brian… do you know what that means?"

"Mmm no", Kurt denied. She didn't look convinced. "Anyway how was your night?"

"It was great, thanks! We ate in this fantastic moroccan restaurant and then went to theatre!"

"What show did you watch?"

"The importance of being Ernest", she stated "Seb would be proud of me… I'm not a literature fan here... I'm more into teenage drama kind od stuff", she admitted in a warm smile.

"So I guess you're the John Green's fan"

"Indeed", she smiled proudly and Kurt couldn't help to notice that apparently it was a family thing to be able to shift the tone and the topic of conversations so quickly.

"I actually even pushed Seb to read _Looking for Alaska_! He didn't sound thrilled about it, but I know he loved it, deep inside… he's just hiding his inner passion for Green's books!"

"Oh I love him! I've read all of them!"

"Me too… well actually I abandoned that one over there", she pointed at TFIOS "for a while because it made an emotional wreck out of me! But I'm going to finish it soon, promise!", she winked

"It's beautiful and touching"

"It is"

"Still, my favorite one keeps being Looking For Alaska", Kurt told her

"No way!", she jumped thrilled "I read and re-read and underlined it a thousand times!"

"We are totally made for each other"

"Jump off his ship and sail to mine", she teased him "we could be… Wirt, or Wurt, or Kurla!"

"I don't know which one is worse" – he ignored voluntarily the comment on being 'shipped' with Sebastian…

"Killa!", Willa exclaimed not having resigned her task to find an appropriate name to their 'ship'

"Killa", Kurt approved in a smile.

"Well my friend, I'm afraid I'll have to leave you... I'm heading back to bed"

" 'Nite then, my friend"

"Do you want a hand to wake him up?", she asked as she stood.

"No, I think I'll probably let him sleep 'till he wakes up"

"He won't"

Kurt looked at her and she understood him right away

"You'll get a terrible ache tomorrow"

"It wouldn't be a first", he pointed out. She nodded and kissed goodbye on the cheek, both to him at his brother before leaving. But actually stopped midway

"You know… in many ways Seb reminds me of Alaska", she admitted abruptly. Her voice was grave and low.

He got the feeling.

"I know it, right?", he lowered his head to look at his friend and gently caress his hair "He is a tornado".

"He's a deeply unhappy person". He suddenly looked up

"You're saving him, Kurt… he's not okay unless you're around… and even in that case he's not completely all right, do you get that?". He nodded lightly, but feeling a heavy burden on his chest

"I'm glad he has you", She then gave her brother an unreadable look " 'nite Kurt"

_It's not life or death, the labyrinth._

"I'm glad I have him either". He said to no one in particular but to himself.

_Suffering. Doing wrong and having wrong things happen to you. That's the problem. Bolivar was talking about the pain._

Sebastian's life was more complicated and dark than Kurt had thought. But he wasn't afraid to walk into the night with him. 'That's terrifying, if you think about it… how fragile our balance really is', Seb's words from that morning echoed in his head. He could't stop wondering how fragile Seb's balance really was. His life was a jigsaw much more complex than he had originally thought. But he was now too involved to back off.

He would have stood by him.

He fell asleep holding to that conclusion.

_How will we ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering?_

Also, he fell asleep holding a latent worry on how much did Sebastian actually resemble his favorite character.

_To a margin note written in her loop-heavy cursive: _

_Straight and fast_

* * *

Title of chapter inspired by: _Stand by me,_ Ben E. King.

The song played in the car was: _Outside_, by Staind.

Ending voiceover quote: Looking for Alaska, John Green.

P.S. Sorry for the delay, it took me ages to wrap this up. A busy time is coming, so my updates will be delayed, but this story will be continued. Even if slower!

Also, 50 followers! that's insane! Thanks to each and every one of you who took the time to read this monster and to those who are reviewing it! I love to receive some feedback, it helps me get through my writing!

Stay tuned

bluejeanzangel


	15. I've got you

To get in the mood while reading the first slice: Yann Tersen, _L'après-midi_ (**recommended** to listen as you begin reading)

If you were wondering, the second song is _Maybe, _by Yiruma.

* * *

**12. I've got you**

Beautiful, warm notes awoke Kurt. It was the sound of a piano played somewhere far, somewhere close. Music overwhelmed him in an enchanted spell.

Where was he? Wrapped in a blanket he didn't remember putting on.

Where was he? Wrapped in a warmth he found overwhelmingly safe.

Where was he? Wrapped in a scent now easy to recognize.

Where was he? In a place too familiar for him to feel unease.

He opened his eyes and let out deep breaths.

The music kept playing. Its beauty was overwhelming.

His neck hurt.

Sebastian.

It must be him.

He smiled and slowly got up, the melancholic melody guided his steps.

It didn't took him long to find him.

He leant on the door side and closed his eyes, music sinking in.

It stopped.

"Kurt", he was greeted.

"Don't stop", he pleaded.

He received a warm smile in return.

Music filled the air again. The melody was softer, sweeter this time. He closed his eyes, music filling him again.

It stopped.

How much did it last? He felt he could have listened to Sebastian play forever.

"You could sit, it would be much more comfortable, you know?"

"Mmm", he managed to reply. His mind still lost in sleep and wonderland. He felt a warm hand take ahold of his

"Good Morning"

"Morning", he opened his eyes. He found a pair of green amethysts to meet his.

"You should never stop playing. You're amazing", he let out still too unconscious to actually filter his thoughts.

"Thanks babe". That 'babe' shook him from the numbness. The pang in his neck sharply bringing him to wakefulness. He hissed.

"You okay?", a worried voice asked him

"mmm", he caressed his own neck. A warm hand gripped his. (Did it ever left it?)

"You could have woken me up"

"I know", he opened his eyes (when did he close it?)

"Does it hurt?"  
"No". He was lead towards the couch.

"Come here", he was ordered as he sat. "Closer". He felt the pressure of two warm hands on his neck and on his back. It hurt.

"It's gonna get better. I've got you", he was reassured.

"Okay", he let out. It was getting better.

"You should have woken me"

"I know" (Did it say it?)

* * *

"Guuuysss! Today is the day!", Willa thrilled voice filled the room. Sebastian and Kurt, both hanging on the stools of the kitchen counter, jumped.

"Geez! It's early in the morning you can't be that loud"  
"It's not"

"It's not past noon, and it's Sunday". He snorted. She ignored his bothered comment and

"Did you sleep well?", she asked both, but actually meaning that question for Kurt –by the look she was giving him.

"Except for his dead body on mine and his snores? Yeah, great!", Kurt joked.

"I don't snore", came Seb's quick reply.

"You most certainly do"

Sebastian gently pushed his shoulder with his hand. Kurt and Sebastian exchanged looks. And smiled knowingly.

"But waking up to piano music did compensate for all of that", Kurt went on playfully.

He vaguely remembered following the music towards the hall and finding Sebastian playing; but he couldn't tell if that was a dream or not. He had also flashes of Sebastian soothing his nerves with his warm hands… Yeah, that must have definitely been a dream, he said to himself.

"Did you hear back from the catering guy?", Sebastian changed the topic

"Who?"

"The guy of the catering"

"You mean Patrice?"

"Yeah?!", he replied annoyed

"Patrice is a she"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"She's a she, Sebastian"

"A She-male, perhaps". Willa chuckled, "No I haven't. Have you?'

"Damned it", he stood and took his phone out the pocket "I'm so gonna hit that guy in the face"

"Come on, he's gonna show up, relax"

"I'm not worried he won't show up. I'm worried he won't show up with what I asked for!", he said putting his phone on the hear

_"__Lowland Catering?"_, he turned his attention to the phone

_"__Patrice is this you?". _Pause

"_Ok Listen_…". He moved outside the room to engage in an animated conversation with Patrice.

"So, how have you been?", Willa took advantage of that time they were alone. He loved those moments. It felt like having a sister.

"Lately you mean?"

"Mh Mh", she nodded

"Well, I can't complain". She kept looking at him. Damned those eyes. He felt scrutinized.

"I mean it, I really can't… I've been doing great"

"What about Otis College?"

"Oh that". She pushed the right button.

"Yes that"

"Well…", he stopped. Where was he going to start?

"I don't know, I've been thinking about it lately, but I don't know… I mean I'm in NY, I'm in NYADA, I've already gone through freshmen year…I don't want to give up on that"

"But have you covered the cost of it?"

"I did the impossible to get into that school"

"But have you covered the cost of giving up to your passion?"

"This school is my dream"

"And Otis College?"

"I don't know I'm really confused about what I want lately", he admitted uncomfortable.

"But if you were given a fresh start, if you could have the chance to go back in time, would NYADA still be your choice?"

"I… I don't know", he admitted honestly

"You got your answer then"

"It' not that easy, I mean… it's like I'll be giving up a part of me each way".

"You have to figure out if resigning NYADA means resigning your dreams for the rest of your life". Kurt himself couldn't have expressed it better.

"Yeah"

"Everything will click into place eventually"

He sighed, "I hope so"

"Trust your guts sounds too cliché?", she lighted the tone

"A little… but they're so twisted right now that probably won't help much"

"It's gonna get better"

_He felt the pressure of two warm hands on his neck and on his back. It hurt._

_'It's gonna get better. I've got you', a warm voice reassured him._

"You okay?", Sebastian voice shook him from torpor.

"Yeah sure"

"You looked kind of lost"

"No I'm fine I'm fine Just… never mind". Sebastian didn't look convinced but let it go

"SO?", Willa asked impatiently

"So he's coming over-"

"She is", Willa interrupted him

"Whatever it is, it's coming over in two hours time"

"Everything sorted?"

"Of course! That idiot was all like yeah sure no problem yeah later today yeah no I did not forget yeah I am busy cleaning my boyfriend's ass yeah"

"Seb", Willa scolded him playfully. Kurt chuckled.

"So the band is coming at 2, the catering in a short time… the set up is set up… I guess this is it!", Sebastian let out cheerfully.

"I have a billion dollars question, though… What about the alcohol?"

"That had already been taken care of. But needs to be located somewhere… Oh and your stupid lanterns need to be lighted"

"Well we can just put all the alcohol on the wooden table, you put it outside yesterday, didn't you?", Seb and Kurt nodded. Kurt remembered too well how heavy that damned thing was, and how much it hurt when he closed his toes under its leafs as they put it down!

"Well, we put it there and when Simone comes he'll think about it"

"When is he coming by the way?". Willa looked at her watch "Shortly"

"You do realize one bartender is not enough?"

"Of course I do, little brother, that's why I hired a few of his friends too", she stated proudly. Seb smiled.

"Sounds good I'm not the one in charge of everything, for a change!"

"Oh shut up!", she pushed him gently

….

Organizing a party was a lot of work. Especially if said party was meant to be epic. That's what Kurt learnt. By the time it stopped getting worried about setting up final details, and actually having fun because of such details, Kurt was already tired. But it didn't matter that much because he was having a great time getting together with Seb and Willa and their friends and cousins and everyone else. The place was tremendously crowded. But it looked spectacular, all that hard work putting oil candles here and there and then lighting them up… was really worth it. The view of the majestic house, with its gardens and its pools, deep immersed in nature, the woods the lake… all dark except for oil lanterns lighting up the way… that was breathtaking.

Also, Sebastian was breathtaking. But he might have drunk too much wine to acknowledge the meaning of his own words. Or to even care to filter them. He just knew that looking at him across the dance floor, all smiles and laughs as he talked to his cousin Brayden, the dim light sharpening his features, all wrapped by a white shirt and some obviously sandy trousers… he was breathtaking.

Damned Strawberry Hill.

"Heya"

"Hi…", Kurt said unsure to the *super hot* guy in front of him. "Have I met you?", Kurt asked. Damned if he was hot.

"I'm Ty", he introduced himself, his blue eyes sparkling in the dark.

"Kurt", he replied shaking the hand he had offered.

"Now we met", he shook his head lightly to get rid of a dark, curly lock that bothered him.

The wine and the loud music were giving him a really hard time to focus.

"Wanna go for a dance?", Ty asked. He didn't even wait for Kurt's reply as he grabbed him by the wrist to lead him in the middle of the dance floor.

_Allor on danse pour oublier pour le problèmes, _Stromae was singing. Kurt wished it was true.

The danced through the song, and even tough Kurt was enjoying dancing, he wasn't enjoying dancing _with_ Ty. Hot stud Ty. He glanced over the pool to spot Sebastian, but could not see him.

He must have looked upset, or disappointed, because Ty shouted him:

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Sure", he replied quickly, shouting too. The music was too loud.

"I'm no baller but people usually have fun", he claimed hinting at Kurt's frown

"Sorry to disappoint, I'm not people"

"Sure you're not", he came closer "You're interesting. I like you", he admitted. Kurt gulped at the words and their proximity. Hot stud Ty liked him. He found him interesting even. Still, something didn't feel quite right. He just couldn't figure out what.

"Wanna go up to the clearing?", he asked to Kurt's ear

"What?"

"The clearing", he pointed at it, "It's almost midnight, we're going to make Chinese lanterns fly soon"

"Oh sure!", Kurt exclaimed referring to the lanterns, how could he forget! They spent half an hour placing them on small, lantern-shaped boxes, so that people could pick them up from there. Who knew if there was one left, though. Probably not. Damned it, he should have remembered earlier!

In the meanwhile, Ty must have gotten Kurt's words the other way, since he started pulling him from the arm outside the crowded dance floor. Kurt let him 'till he understood he got it wrong

"Oh I, I didn't mean… I mean I meant sure but I didn't mean sure", the alcohol in his blood was giving him a hard time articulating his thoughts properly.

"What are you trying to say?", Ty asked, half diverted half bothered by his rambling

"He's trying to say he's not interested", a snarky voice Kurt knew too well spoke from behind.

"Sebastian"

"Tyler", he said while sneaking an arm around Kurt's shoulders.

"Ollie was looking for you earlier", Sebastian said.

"Did he say why?", Ty looked concerned.

"He did, but I can't remember right now. It seemed important though"

"He need to give me... never mind. Do you know where I can find him?"

Seb shook his head "Try by the bar", he sneered. Ty nodded. Kurt could tell Tyler felt torn between staying or looking for Ollie. In the end he opted for the latter since excused himself, but not before launching Kurt one long, last meaningful look –meaningful of what, he didn't know. But it looked meaning full. His mind was too nebulous right then.

As he left, Sebastian kept looking at him. To overly drunk Kurt, his stare was easy to decipher, though. Determined and challenging, with a tip arrogance. Kurt found that stare sexy –yeah he just thought that and he didn't care.

As the realization hot stud Ty was actually leaving, and Kurt was staying, sunk in, he squirmed from Sebastian's grip to face him

"You do realize you blew my chances with hot stud Tyler?". –He remembered using those very words, but they might have been different in truth.

"The only thing that could have been blown was his dick, believe me"

"What did you just say?", Kurt found it difficult to actually understand

"I'm making you save your time. He's a slut", he explained casually.

"And you're not", it escaped him. Sebastian's eyes flashed with hurt

"I'm not a cheap fuck, if that's what you meant". He looked upset and that made Kurt regret his words.

"I meant that but I don't mean it", he managed to apologize. Sebastian's features softened at the attempt

"I know". Sebastian had drunk nearly as much as Kurt, if not more, but he wasn't as spaced out as Kurt, he had to admit.

"I mean it… not that I just mean it that I don't mean it". Sebastian looked confused. But not mad, at least.

"You're way too drunk to have a conversation"

"I'm not drunk"

"Let's go get a glass of water, okay?". He didn't wait for an answer and lead him from the shoulders towards the inner kitchen. It was becoming a habit of people leading him without actually listening to what he wanted to do

"I don't want some water", he stopped.

"You're the whiny kind of drunk, have someone ever told you that?", Sebastian retorted "What do you want, then?"

Kurt pondered it. He had been so confused about what he wanted lately, but for once he knew.

"I want you", he stated cutting distances "to bring me up to see the lanterns fly". Sebastian didn't reply instantly. His eyes locked with Kurt's and that was unsettling. He felt at loss of words and of air.

"Okay", Seb said at last "follow me", he asked. He led him inside, grabbed a backpack lying on the corner of the living room and then headed outside. During all this time, Sebastian's hand never left his. Kurt didn't give too much thought about it. It just seemed right.

As they silently headed towards the clearing, hands still clenched, in the silence of the dark night, the whole 'slut slip' and 'hot stud Ty affair' seemed to belong to a different time. It was then that Kurt remembered

"Seb"

"Hmm"

"Has Oliver arrived?"

"I have no idea. Why?", he asked genuinely. Kurt shook his head

"You know why". Seb smirked as he got it.

"He's probably still looking for him", he chuckled softly. He must have been mad at his so-called _friend_. But he wasn't.

"Shouldn't we stop here?", Kurt asked pointing at crowd of people gathered on the clearing. Sebastian snapped his tongue and then smiled sweetly.

"Just follow me", he winked and led him up the woods. It was dark except for the oil candles that, cupped in tiny lanterns, lighted the way. And the full moon of course. What a beautiful sight, nature.

He didn't remember putting them all the way up the clearing, but he was glad someone did.

"Are you sure there are no bears, wolves, serial killers?", he asked coming closer to Seb as he stumbled on a tree root.

"Of course not. We own it. And there are security guards that keep us safe. Nothing to worry."

"Are there?", he asked curious

"My father is a State's attorney and my mum's an anti-terror judge. You do the Maths".

"Oh"

He processed the information and rehearsed the question before actually speaking:

"Isn't it scary? I mean, don't you fear someone may hurt you?"

"My _grand-mère_ was an anti-terror judge too. They're keeping us safe. It comes with some risks, but we've always been fine after all". Kurt nodded. He went on:

"I don't feel threatened if that's what you meant. I feel safe knowing they do what they do. Does that sound you right?"

"It does"

They had finally stopped. They had reached a greater clearing that gave them a flabbergasting view of the reservoir and, far away, the city's skyline.

"Wow", was what Kurt could only say. He had sobered up a little, but still wasn't in the comfort zone to articulate more complex syntactical structures.

"Yeah... I knew you'd like it", he admitted softly, and lost no time guiding him quickly towards the centre of clearing, which overhung the reservoir; They followed a path lighted by oil candles placed in small lanterns. Kurt didn't know what to say, or feel, or do. All he was seeing, feeling and doing was overwhelming.

In the meanwhile they had stopped, and Seb had taken out a blanked from his backpack and put it on the grass. He took out a bottle of Strawberry Hills, too. He sat and grabbed Kurt's hand to pull him down next to him. He handed him a plastic glass and poured them some wine.

"To us"

"To us", Kurt repeated. To _us._

"You know", Seb said after a while "If I weren't on the science side I would have become a judge"

"You would?"

"Yep", he sipped "Just like my _grand-mèr_e_. _I would have liked to follow her footprints"

"You could, if you want to"

"You could be a plumber, if you want to"

"That's not the same thing", Kurt pointed out

"It exactly is", Seb sipped again. "I was born to that. The same as you were born to be a stylist and Willa to be a lawyer". Kurt wanted to argue about that, but didn't. – He actually couldn't, but would not admit that.

"I did not have a choice about it, because if I did I would have followed a different path"

"Well it's not a bad basket to choose from… you get to save lives either way"

"But it's not a choice"

"I don't get it"

"This is who I am. I can't change that. And yes I get to save lives, but my _grand-mère_ was right: being a physician is both a blessing, and a course". Kurt looked puzzled

"I get why a blessing, but not why a course"

"_Pour les mêmes raisons_, Kurt. For the same reasons"

"You can alway back off"

"It's not like NYADA and Otis, Kurt. It's like you or nothing"

"I still don't-"

"You don't understand", he cut him "I couldn't do anything but this in my life. This is who _I_ am, what I'm good at"

"You make it sound as if we can't choose our own destiny. But we can"

"We are on set tracks, Kurt. You can only decide where to turn. You only think you have much of a choice, but in truth you don't"

"I think I have. I believe we are the are the makers of our own fate"

"Faber est suae quisque fortunae. You're giving Appius Caecus to me now?". Kurt kept looking puzzled. And surprised. Sebastian just quoted him a latin guy in latin. Or maybe he was too drunk to get it and he actually said something else. Sebastian's gaze was lost in the night sky. "The fault is not in our stars, but in us that lie underneath" he went on, looking at Kurt this time "I don't think so"

"Was that TFIOS?", Kurt mocked him. Sebastian looked at him badly "Shakespeare". Kurt rolled his eyes

"and he was wrong"

"You think Shakespeare was wrong?"

"You both are"

"Why?", he genuinely wanted to know that.

"Because we don't have as much control in our lives as we'd like to; We pretend we have, but we don't". Both remained silent for a while.

"You're the philosophical kind of drunk, did someone ever tell you that?". Kurt stated at last, quoting his earlier words. Sebastian's face lighted

"Someone actually did".

"And now?"

"He left me with a broken heart that can't be fixed". That was raw, blunt and honest. And he had definitely been drunk to share that thought with Kurt. He, on the other side, was drunk enough to felt the need to close the gap between their bodies and curl up to him.

"I've got you", he told him. Sebastian planted a sweet kiss on his head. The night was chilly, not _that_ cold, but having a warm body to lean in was comfortable enough to make Kurt body and mind relax.

After a while: "Look!", Kurt pointed at the sky. Some Chinese lanterns were already floating in the air. It was beautiful to see

"I just wish I saved one". Sebastian shifted:

"Man of little faith", he was smiling.

"What?". Instead of replying, he reached for his backpack to take out a lantern

"Oh you saved one!"

"Of course I did", he said matter-of-factly. He gave it to Kurt. "Come on! get up!", he hurried to stand and offered his hand to Kurt, to help him stand too.

He then held it as he lead them towards the overhang.

"Seb?", he asked worried as they reached the edge. They were too drunk to be so close to it.

"I've got you", he held him from behind and helped him light it up from behind. Trusting him, Kurt focused on the lantern in his hand. After a while and a few imprecations, he let out an exasperated sigh:

"I though it was going to be easier"

"What is, really?". Kurt let go of his comment and focused on putting up the candle without making it burn. In the end he managed to complete the task, and was ready to let it go when Seb stopped him

"Make a wish", he whispered to his ear. Kurt shivered and nodded. Then let it go.

"Wow"

"Yeah"

"But I think I'll appreciate it more if we headed back where we were before". He felt Sebastian smile in the crock of his neck.

"Sure". He entangled them, but not their hands, and headed back to the blanket. As they sat, Sebastian found his place behind Kurt, and held him steadily from behind.

That moment was blissful. The wine, the candles, the clearing, the Chinese lanterns all the way up to the sky… _them_.

"It's beautiful"

"You're beautiful", Sebastian let out. Kurt turned to meet his gaze "What did you wish?", he asked suddenly. Kurt was too numb to reply: one can't ask for it. So, he opted for the truth, hoping his sober self wouldn't regret it later:

"I wished someone could fix your broken heart". Sebastian kept his amethyst gaze steady on him

"I wished it was you"

Those five words were all it took to make them plunge into a sweet, urging, unsteady, needy kiss.

It didn't matter who leant in first or who pushed their body downwards the blanket.

It just mattered they got each other.

* * *

Title: I've got you- Frank Sinatra

Tyler 'Ty', is played by Riccardo Scamarcio (:You can see why hot stud really fits him:)

Sorry for the long wait! Hope you liked it as much as I enjoyed writing this piece. It was difficult, but in the end I made it! Something is finally moving on! What's gonna happen next?

Stay tuned and kurtbastian on :)

bluejeanzangel


	16. Not all those who wander are lost

**13. Not all those who wander are lost**

_All that is gold does not glitter,_

_Not all those who wander are lost;_

_The old that is strong does not wither,_

_Deep roots are not reached by the frost._

_From the ashes a fire shall be woken,_

_A light from the shadows shall spring;_

___Renewed shall be blade that was broken,_

___The crownless again shall be king_

_[JRR Tolkien]_

"Oh My…", Kurt held his forehead with his right hand. It hurt.

He tried to raise his head, but everything spun too much to manage to do that.

"Damned it", he cursed himself for drinking that hard.

Drinking.

Wine.

Ty.

Candles.

The clearing.

Chinese Lanterns.

Scattered images of the previous night came up, making his head spin faster.

_I've got you…_

This time, despite the hurt and the spinning, he opened his eyes wide. Memories of the previous night kept stirring in his mind.

_…__Make a wish_

He turned his head to the side of the bed – Sebastian's bed. It was empty: he was alone. He touched it: it was cold. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

He remembered being woke up by cold and water droplets on his skin. His skin so comfortably embraced to Sebastian's…

_It's beautiful…_

He remembering waking Sebastian up and being sleepily lead back home by a warm hand. Two wanderers in the night, seeming lost but having just found their way.

_…__You're beautiful_

They had fallen on the bed, and last thing Kurt remembered were Seb's wet lips on his nose, as his strong arms cuddling him to sleep.

_I wished it was you_

His eyes opened wide. He hoped the bed could swallow him as he deeply plunged into the sheets. He was about to ask himself: 'How could I let things slip that out of hand?', when he realized he actually knew the answer. Things didn't slip out of hands, they just followed its course and, at that time, it felt right. Kissing Sebastian (!) felt right, _there and then_.

The question actually was: "Does it still feel right?".

Kurt didn't know how to answer that, and his hangover wasn't quite helping him neither.

Remembering the intimacy he shared with Sebastian, all of their errand among the woods to reach that upper, more intimate clearing… and the candles and the softness in Sebastian's voice, in Sebastian lips… He might have been drunk, but the alcohol in his blood didn't deceive his feelings, _right there and then. _When he wished for Sebastian's heart to be healed, he truly meant that. And when Sebastian said… Well, that Sebastian could have that sort of feelings for him, was beyond human laws, but that Sebastian did mean what he said, _there and then_, he was sure.

They had been so caught up in the moment they expressed their feelings and affection to each other, as they were feeling them_ at that time_. It wasn't like confessing each other their deep hidden feelings. Was it?

Surely, he got to know a few other sides of Sebastian: the protective one, but also the pensive one… the tender, and the caring one… and surely the broken one, in the background of all.

He shared a kiss with Sebastian (!). In that moment it seemed the right thing to do. And he didn't want to judge his actions under lights different from the ones that originally lit them.

He shared a kiss with Sebastian. Damned if that was intense. His cold fingers touched his lips. Memories of Seb's soft lips on his reemerged, making his body quiver.

He and Sebastian kissed. Maybe repeating that over and over would make it real.

They kissed.

His fingers caressed his lips once again. He sighed. If things weren't already messy, they lacked that kiss to get confused, also. But was he really? Confused, about the kiss?

He asked himself that, and felt surprised as he realized he actually wasn't. He didn't feel confused about that kiss, because it felt right _there and then_.

What did confuse him, though, were the feelings he had _now_, thinking of Sebastian's lips on his.

What did confuse him, was the warmth in his body caused by Sebastian's embrace.

What did confuse him, was the flutter in the stomach each time he replayed last night in his head.

No, not the kiss per se confused him; the feelings it aroused in him did.

'But _what kind of_ feelings where they?' That was the burning question.

He did grow feelings for Sebastian, that was sure. Somehow he ended up caring about the troubled boy, and feeling safe to share his thoughts to him, to open up to him, even. 'You're my one and only', they once told each other. But was there more to that?

Sebastian crashed into his life like a tornado. He destroyed anything he thought he knew about him, about himself, about his life. He swamped and swallowed him into the jigsaw that his life is. But he wasn't necessarily mad at him for what he did to him, because that way he managed to find himself.

–Guess sometime you need to get lost to find yourself again. Or to let go of the past and embrace your new self.

Strangely enough, madness or not, Sebastian had become a part of his life. An important one even. Somehow, Somewhat, Somewhen, they grew closer.

And they _kissed_.

_They_ kissed.

What seemed unreal wasn't the kiss, though, but the feelings it brought in him. Awakeness, for start… but he also felt alive and wanted and, for once, in the right place doing the right thing.

What was happening to him? Wanderer without a purpose, pilgrim without a harbor had he been as this whole journey started. And look at him know, look at what he had achieved, at what _Sebastian_ made him achieve.

His life was finally getting on track, he was sorting himself out, his future wasn't that blurry, he had let go of Blaine, shook off his numbness and fully embraced his life.

The funniest part was: his worst enemy, the last person he imagined could have helped him, actually did. It had all started randomly that night of May, and look at them now: turned from enemies to frenemies to friends to… eh.

His head still pounding, he stood on his forearms and then, reluctantly, on his feet.

He got to find Sebastian.

* * *

_Title: Not all who wander are lost, Divides._


	17. Everything'll be alright

**14a. Everything'll be alright **

"Seb?", he asked to the troubled boy sat alone by the poolside. He didn't reply to him. "Seb?", he called him again. The boy seemed in trance. Kurt bended next to him and put his hand on his back.

"Seb… are you okay?", he said more sweetly. The boy raised his gaze to meet Kurt's. To stab Kurt. It was then that Kurt had a sort of déjà-vu… Like that first time they met again in May, when he had crashed into a tree and landed on Kurt's sofa and was so shaken, so out of himself, so for once _human, _that moved Kurt in the inside. He had back then literally spent days, _weeks _even, thinking of him, of what was going through his head. And there it was again, the same lost boy… This time, though, they stood on a different ground. To Kurt it seemed yesterday that the whole incident happened, even if actually a month had passed. How their relationship grew so steadily, bit by bit, over that time, still amazed Kurt. All that time ago he brooded over what was wrong with him; this time, he didn't need to know to be close to him. To feel close to him.

Damned if he seemed lost and hurt! – he observed. Like last time, Sebastian was looking at Kurt, but he actually wasn't. His eyes were frozen, emotionless, empty. He was in front of him, but he wasn't really there.

"It's gonna be okay", he told him pulling him closer to him, "Everything'll be all right".

They stood in silence like that for a while, when someone tapped his shoulder. It was Willa, wearing a worried expression. Her gaze fell right away on her brother, and again –like that night– it seemed as if she was looking at something too broken to be properly fixed. And that look scared the shit out of him.

"Kurt…", her deep green eyes looked into his, "can you wait for us inside?"

His head nodded, but his arms wouldn't release the grip. "I've got this", were the last words she said to him before he left.

What the heck was going on….?! – his inner frustrated self kept repeating to himself. From time to time, he happened to forget the whole jigsaw surrounding Sebastian; and his determination to solve it, that had brought him there in the first place. He waited for them sat on the sofa, facing that very cabinet that signed the beginning of everything. As a wave, memories of the first party he attended there came crashing into his mind, when he had first thought there no bridge could be built to join their different worlds… He had been wrong, but simply because he didn't know…anything. Now that bridge existed, and it was made up of every tiny brick Sebastian had fell from his own defense wall, sealed with their friendship, and strengthened by the affection he and Willa now shared.

Ah Willa, from the very beginning he knew he liked her. How could he forget her kindness when she tried to make him feel at ease, not a stranger among them, just sharing her deep thoughts to him. And truth was, that deep down they were all on the same boat… As he was replaying in his mind the events of that party, a memory for long forgotten then surfaced…

_"__Here, the frame is gone but the picture is-", he stopped in the middle of the sentence because something caught his attention. Behind the picture of the three of them, there was another one. This hidden picture showed a much younger, much happier Sebastian, laughing hardly as he looked with side eyes at another another boy –blonde, tousled hair, crooked grin– who was instead trying to hold a serious face –but failing at it completely. Sebastian had one arm across the other boy's shoulder and God, he looked so blissful and carefree._

_Kurt raised his questioning gaze to meet Willa's, who was intently staring at the picture too. Her whole body was tensed and remained motionless for a while. Then she gently took the pictures from Kurt's hands and stood up. She kept on staring at the hidden picture with a look that was saying 1.000 words –Kurt just wished to know which ones. _

and then there was promise he made… how distant from the present that memory felt to him….

_"__May I ask you something? I know there's bad blood in the water between the two of you and Sebastian is… well, Sebastian. And I know he is hard to deal with but… things didn't use to be like this. He didn't use to be like this. He is a good guy, he really is, it's just that… he lost his sun, Kurt, and he lost himself too. And after last night's events, the incident and everything, I fear… you've seen him that night… it's just that he is so lonely and… you are such a nice person to have put up with him for so long. He talked to me about you, you know…? So I was wondering will you… will you be gentle to him? I know that sounds crazy but, if you could try and be kind to him… it has not to be written in blood or anything and well, I know you owe him or me nothing but if you… I don't know, if you kind of watched over him if you had the chance to I'd… I know it's silly to ask but-"_

_"__yes", he said by instinct, with a feeble voice, and she gave him a surprised, but relieved look._

_"__I don't want to force you into anything just-"_

_"__yes"_

… he probably should tell her he wasn't being nice to Seb because he promised her to be, not anymore at least… not from a while, at least… but because he truly cared about him. – Somehow, though, he knew she did know. He then thought again of the boy in the polaroid, and of the happiness in Seb's features…

The sun, his sun… when Willa had first mentioned it, he thought of the sun being a metaphor for the light, the right way… but what if it wasn't?

_"__How do you know, S?"_

_"__I lost my sun, Mia", he admitted softly at last "But this didn't impede me from enjoying his warmth 'till the very last moment he shined"_

He remembered his talk with brokenhearted Mia… oh how much it surprised him when he found out he's dedicated his life to helping people, being a paramedic, volunteering… and he actually never stopped surprising him, even if in his own twisted way… but, he also remembered another conversation, not so distant in time…

_"__We never worked hard than when we had sunflowers as a theme… god…", he bit his lips "we were in NY back then…". As he remembered, Kurt noted a flash of deep sadness cross his face "We planted so many…", he pause for a moment "It was beautiful"._

_"__Willa's pick?"_

_Seb shook his head lightly "Mine". And it was then that Kurt saw it, clearly displaying on Sebastian's feature: pain._

He just never put all the pieces together…

_Every one deals with pain its own way_

Until now.

"Hey Kurt", Willa greeted him. He had gotten to know her well enough to tell when the thrill in her voice was real, and when it was not.

"Hey", he replied to her as she plunged into the sofa with him

"You okay? Rough morning, huh?"

"Yeah"

Willa sighed.

"He's doing better, if you were asking". He remembered she, using those same words a long time ago, during a phone call so awkward he wished it never took place.

"Willa what's going on?"

She sighed again

"It's… complicated… _he _is complicated"

"Complicated _how_?"

"Look, it's not my story to tell… I can't explain that to you but, before you start something you have to know it won't be easy, he won't be easy, he… remember what I told you last night? About Seb?", he nodded feebly. How could he forget.

_"__You know… in many ways Seb reminds me of Alaska", she admitted abruptly. _

_He got the feeling._

_"__I know it, right?", he lowered his head to look at his friend and gently caress his hair "He is a tornado"._

_"__He's a deeply unhappy person"_

_"__You're saving him, Kurt… he's not okay unless you're around… and even in that case he's not completely all right, do you get that?"_

"He's not easy to deal with, but I'm happy you're here, because somehow you manage to ease him off… he's him again when you're around… but he's still-"

"A tornado"

_"__I'm glad he has you"_

She gave him a half-hearted smile

"Yeah… with all the inconveniences of the case so…so if you wanna leave, you can leave _now_, before it's too late. If you want to walk away, walk away now… he'll understand"

After hearing Willa's hearted speech, Kurt's heart felt warm and, also, frozen. Since his mind wouldn't collaborate, he followed his guts – once again. He managed to stand, and he gave her one long, meaningful look, before walking away from her.


End file.
